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Disney Takes INDIANA JONES Property, Will Make Fifth Film Because Fuck Your Childhood

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In the most heartbreaking news article of the week, Disney has acquired the rights to Indiana Jones and plan on making a fifth film in the beloved franchise. Heralded as one of the greatest film trilogies in the history of film trilogies (although some are admittedly lukewarm on the ultra-campy Temple of Doom), the utterly heinous fourth film sought to dismember all fan love for the franchise. Now, a fifth film is in the works to challenge how far you can push viewers until they snap.

Subbing a grizzled and aged Indiana Jones for the snarky, cock of the walk ruffian who made the hat and whip combo into a thing, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull left a stain on the franchise unlikely to be wiped away by a follow up chartered by Disney. Introducing Indy’s son in Mutt (Shia Labeouf) was a play to pass the torch but was widely panned by all, making the likelihood of his playing a serious role in any future installments slim.  

But the question remains: what to do with the character? Sure, Ford could probably play him one last time, and perhaps try to make up for the utter disappointment of his last outing, but he’s hardly in physical shape to play the character any further on down the line (the guy isn’t getting any younger). This doesn’t leave the future of franchise with many options. Since the whole Shia/Mutt thing isn’t really an option, this really only leaves them with one choice: to James Bond it.

Instead of going back and rebooting Raiders with the same story, they can just pass the mantel to a new, younger actor without ever explaining the change and continue down a whole new line of whip-cracking adventures. This will allow them to remain in the same Nazi-filled time period, breathe new life into the character, and set him up as a mainstay for decades to come. But any duplicitous attempts to shoehorn any ol’ actor into Indy digs to take on supernatural/Nazi will be met with fierce fan uprising. However, if they put a proven talent in the role, people might not have such a knee-jerk freakout and may accept Indy as a changing man. Then again, what is Indiana Jones without Harrison Ford?

I guess I’d rather not really think about too much and instead will bow my head in respect for our lost friend, Indiana Jones (1981-89).

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Weekly Review 35: RAID, BYZANTIUM, GRABBERS, ELECTION, [REC], GUFFMAN


This past (two) week cycle saw me frequenting the theater for some much needed fall redemption. After a summer filled with lackluster blockbusters, it’s great to really chew into some of the finest the year has to offer, a commonplace trend of the December month. After loving Disney’s Frozen, being rather disappointed in Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, and being blown away by Out of the Furnace, I also got a chance to see a few of my most anticipated of the year in Her, American Hustle, and Saving Mr. Banks, reviews of all to come out this week.

At home, the biting cold of December forced me inside to do a lot of in-bed watching, which is as you know, the hardest part of this job. I caught up on a couple new guys, Byzantium & Grabbers, but also took a look at a number of films that I’d been meaning to watch forever, The Raid, [Rec], Waiting for Guffman, and slipped in Election, which I hadn’t seen for at least ten years. Now down to what I thought of them…

THE RAID: REDEMPTION (2011)

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An immensely enjoyable actioner that is sure to divide audiences right down the gender line, The Raid is kung fu at its most thrilling. The bone-breaking fight sequences are masterfully choreographed and it zips along from one clever shootout to another, making you all but apathetic to the fact that that film doesn’t really have a plot or characters. Even so, your blood will boil hot and you’ll be glued to the screen awaiting the next bit of “Aww snap”-inducing violence. Even though it’s a dumb movie to its core, The Raid is action movies at their most basic and most fun.

B+

BYZANTIUM (2013)

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Yet another vampire movie that tries to replace glitter with guile, Byzantium is an uncommonly artsy beast that fails to go above and beyond expectation. A pair of fine performances from Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan help to legitimize the derivative story but their acting alone can’t really save it from disengaging directing. Like Neil Jordan‘s last foray into the vampiric (Interview With a Vampire), Byzantium is slow building and more focused on mood than plot beats. This fact is both a gift and a curse but ultimately ends up being the final nail in its own coffin. Although Arteton bears all, it’s ultimately a forgettable experience that’s just another “artsy” vampire movie.

C-

GRABBERS (2013)

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What better place to stage an alien invasion movie where the aliens are intolerant to drunk people than in Ireland? Grabbers, named for the tentacle-laden monsters of the film, does exactly that. The acting is fun (especially once everyone decides to be perpetually hammered) and the monsters are taken fairly seriously, making this an easy suggestion for creature-feature lovers. But good fun and a silly premise aren’t enough to heighten Grabbers into must-see recommendation territory. However, it is ripe to be turned into a full blown drinking game.

C+

ELECTION (1999)

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One of Alexander Payne‘s earlier works about Nebraska sees an acclaimed teacher and a brown-nosing student square off against each other. Although often hailed as one of his greatest works (and squarely in the ranks of cult classics) Election lacks the sophistication of Payne’s later efforts. The characters are smartly drawn and early performances from Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon are right on the money but there’s just far too much voice over that acts as the sole agent propelling the story forward to really applaud the story as a whole. Payne does show off some flair with the camera and uses a number of visually interesting framing choices but, by and large, it’s not his greatest work.

C+

[REC] (2007)

An often terrifying Spanish horror movie that employed found footage before it was such a phenomenon, [Rec] is claustrophobically menacing. While following a crew of firemen for an after-hours series, reporter Ángela Vidal is quarantined in an apartment building with the residents, some of who are showing signs of an aggravated disease. Not quite a zombie movie but, hen again, pretty much a zombie movie, [Rec] isn’t the most original of concepts but uses their limited resources to great result. The final sequence in the dark is as unnerving as any great horror scene and you’ll be sure to be peeking around corners for the next few nights after watching.

B-

WAITING FOR GUFFMAN (1996)

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A fan favorite of Christopher Guest‘s, Waiting for Guffman takes on community theater and lambasts it in typical Guest style. While it lacks the one-liners of Spinal Tap!, and Best in Show, all the regulars are there in Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara, Fred Willard, Eugene Levy, and Parker Posey but their chemistry isn’t quite as zingy as we’ve come to expect. Guest’s uncommon brand of mockumentary is usually rife with arresting, bottom of the gut laughter but Waiting for Guffman doesn’t pack the nonstop comic punch of Guest’s greater works. Having said that, it’s still funnier than 90% of the other comedies out there.

B

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Drew Goddard Confirms Involvement in DAREDEVIL Netflix Series

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Daredevil
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as a franchise, has nowhere to go but up, after that Ben Affleck travesty. Drew Goddard (Cabin in the Woods, Lost) confirmed that he has joined the new Netflix Daredevil series that continues Netflix’s foray into original content, while band-wagoning on the massive trend of superhero everything.

It was wholly cool when Marvel first decided to build all of their films towards a great Avengers film but, as that was a fantastic idea, every superhero-owning studio and their mother now plan on beating that concept into the ground. Look no further than DC’s gearing towards a Justice League film, with Gal Gadot just cast as Wonder Woman for the yet untitled Superman vs. Batman and the X-Men series, which just announced an eighth film in X-Men: Apocalypse and has stirrings of a third Wolverine solo flick, who plan on teaming up with other Fox property The Fantastic Four (another project in the midst of a reboot) to do their own world building.

Netflix’s Daredevil series will build to a crossover miniseries called The Defenders, along with Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, and Luke Cage. There will be at least four thirteen-episode superhero shows set to build to The Defenders.

Netflix has really been stepping up their game in the original content department and are becoming serious contenders to premium channels like HBO, FX, and AMC. A few intertwined superhero shows might push them over the top to become the ratings champion of television, ushering in a whole new era of digital entertainment. Getting a fan favorite like Goddard to head up this first leg of a long process is definitely a step in the right direction. If superheroes are still in fashion by 2015, this could do very well. 

What Looks Worse: THE STARVING GAMES or THE HUNGOVER GAMES?

For all the praise The Hunger Games franchise has received (and count me amongst the many fans of the series), the second installment is now single-handedly responsible for not one, but two spin-off “comedies.” The first, so cleverly titled The Starving Games, throws wedgies, Hobbits, The Avengers, LMFAO, Apple products, Angry Birds and a horny Gandalf into the Hunger Games formula that makes a 2 minute and 27 second trailer look like a life time. The internet collectively sighed at the trailer’s debut and condemned it to the worst corner of film hell. If you dare, take a peek at this monstrosity.

Thankfully, audiences also seemed to have enough of Jason Friedman and Aaron Seltzer (Vampires Suck, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie) notoriously lazy brand of comedy as when The Starving Games opened last month (November 8) it made less than $10,000 and barely saw ten theaters. Such a face-first wipeout would make you think that Ketchup Entertainment and their intellectually sleazy cohorts would catch the hint and start leaving these spoofers in the dumpster where they belong but no, as the second Hunger Games ripoff is well on its way in the form of The Hungover Games. Because we all know that you’ve been wondering what would happen if you took the wolf pack and threw them in with Katniss.

This time the spoof net is even wider, and arguably more lazy, with nods to just about everything in the mere periphery of pop culture rears its head in this ugly, ugly looking film. From Jack Sparrow to Tonto, Ted to Django, race jokes to housewives, Carrie and, oh yeah, The Avengers again, it’s amazing just how non-topical some of these references can be. The saddest part of this whole thing is to see Tara Reid and Jamie Kennedy‘s names thrown in the mix as if those two really are going to get people to see the film.

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More than anything, I just wonder who goes to see these films.Friedberg and Seltzer, amazingly enough, tend to break 30 million dollars domestically usually working off a budget of around 20 million. So the profits are small but just sizable enough to give them something to do every couple years or so. I just want to plead with the audiences who are actually seeing these abominations to stop seeing them. It’s not like they enjoy them, right? (Please God, I hope no one enjoys them)

So which of these two do you think looks worse? I know they’re both horrendous but one might have a leg up on the other in terms of being unbelievably shitty. Further, what is the worse spoof movie you’ve ever seen? And finally, if you know anyone who admits to seeing these, just do them a favor and steal ten bucks from their wallet.

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X-MEN: APOCALYPSE Announced Via Tweet

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In The Godfather: Part II, Michael says to Connie, “The ink on your divorce isn’t dry yet, and you’re getting married?” I want to say something similar to Bryan Singer. The ink isn’t even dry on the X-Men: Days of Future Past script and you are already announcing X-Men: Apocalypse? Well, he just did. Today Singer tweeted, “#Xmen #Apocalypse 2016.”  

 

Details are non-existent, obviously. However, comic book fans are speculating that it will be a loose adaptation of the Age of Apocalypse storyline. If so, it will have time travel, a villain named Apocalypse, alternate timelines, and the possible revival of Jean Grey and Cyclops.

So, for the comic book illiterate of us, this likely means more Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Michael Fassbender, and James McAvoy, among other all-star cast members, which is nothing to complain about. I would prefer to think about one thing at a time, though and right now, X-Men: Days of Future Past is the only X-Men film I have room in my brain to anticipate. 

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Out in Theaters: OUT OF THE FURNACE

“Out of the Furnace”
Directed by Scott Cooper
Starring Christian Bale, Casey Affleck, Woody Harrelson, Willem Dafoe, Zoe Saldana, Forest Whitaker
Crime, Drama, Thriller
116 Mins
R
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Out of the Furnace is not the movie you expect, it’s not quite the movie you think you want, and it’s certainly not a movie you’ll see coming, but it is one of the best movies of 2013. Petering along a solemn road of America as industrialized hellhole, the jet-black tone and snail’s pace cadence of the film may prove too overbearing for some but those willing to dive into the mire will find a film overflowing with themes of chaotic grace, personal sacrifice, ego death, spiritual deterioration, and unbounded duty. Many similarities to early Kurosawa samurai films and Drive – which itself is largely plotted like a samurai film – emerge and make the film rich with subtext, even though unearthing that subtext is a bit of a harrowing chore.

While the dark material present in the film – beat downs and drugs, depression (economic and mental) and murder – may yield endlessly gloomy circumstances, a trio of standout performances from Christian BaleCasey Affleck, and Woody Harrelson showcases actors at the top of their game that keep you glued to the screen and cemented into the emotional stakes of the film. The first scene involving a dead-eyed Harrelson, a harlot, and a hotdog will take your breath away and doesn’t let up from there.

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Cue Russell Baze (Bale), a genuinely good guy of the strong and silent persuasion, and lil brother Rodney (Affleck), a four-tour Iraq war vet trying to find his footing after his last deployment. In the barren, has-been Rustbelt of Pennsylvania, each face their own economic struggles while also, and more importantly, vying with their personal demons. Nightmares populated by decapitated babies, massacred friends, and piles of hacked off feet haunt Rodney, who can’t escape these grotesque images of war irrevocably burned into his tender mind. Russell, on the other hand, has never seen combat, but a drunk driving incident, where he was responsible for the death of a child, provides him with his own demons to combat.

Both men are bent by society and by themselves and seek means for redemption. As Rodney turns to bare-knuckle underground fighting – a gig he says is just for the money but we suspect that these acts of supreme self-mutilation provide some fleeting escape for his tormented soul – Russell courts serenity in the things of everyday living, like fixing up his Dad’s house. Also finding solace in the gentle monotony of manual labor at the soon-to-close steel mill, Russell tries to move past his spotted history while Rodney’s battle-worn psyche prefers to bask in dreams of grandeur; a grass is greener on the other side mentality that sees him losing his path and descending into Harrelson’s Harlan DeGroat personal circle of hell.  

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In Russell, Rodney, and their fading pops, the Baze family represents the backbone of America: the laborer, the solider, and the invalid; the maker, the doer, and the needy. These three are a cross section of blue collar America caught in a deteriorating socioeconomic climate. Juxtaposed against DeGroat’s wealth (his financial stock culled from dealing crank and heroin) and utterly maniacal temperature, the Baze’s are the 99% to DeGroat’s brand of “elite” class. As they struggle and toil, he lumbers around, shooting spikes of crank into the crevices of his toes and growling intimidation at his underlings while his stacks grow higher. But rather than beat these metaphors over the head, the burrowing screenplay from Brad Ingelsby and director Scott Cooper is wildly subtle, allowing you to make up your interpretation about many elements scattered throughout the film.

While the marketing has played up aspects of this film as a gritty revenge story, these elements don’t really emerge until the final act (and I would strongly urge you not to watch any trailers for Out of the Furnace as they give away 90% of the film.) Instead, more than anything, this is a tale of two brothers who have lost their way.

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Making up their own humble sub-nuclear unit, Russell takes the role of big brother to distant but loving Rodney very seriously. When Rodney wracks up a debt gambling on racehorses, Russell plays provider, silently going to the bookie, a pitch perfect Willem Dafoe, and silently pays his struggling brother’s debts. But unlike Rodney, Russell doesn’t crave praise, just peace. As Rodney gets deeper into DeGroat’s playground, Russel loses his opinions of peaceful negotiation and must take up arms to fight for his brother’s honor.

From playing the watchful protector, Russell evolves from almost effeminate – a character trait hinted at through his soft spoken intonation and general aversion to conflict and violence – to a stone cold but silently compassionate hunter of men. Like a shepherd left to herd his flock, one can only rely on his shepherd’s crook for so long. When the wolves come, it’s time to take the old rifle out of storage and switch to old testament mode. And, like the wrathful God of the old testament, Russel doles out his own variety of penalty. Again, biblical themes are open to interpretation, and may entirely just be something that I alone got out of the film, but there is something palpably holy in Russell’s aura and his journey in the film.

As Russell, Bale puts in one of the strongest performances of his celebrated and illustrious career. Entirely captivating and utterly committed, the greatness of his performance is hard to put your finger on but it shines from beginning to end. The final scene we spend with Russell juxtaposed against a heartbreaking sequence shared with ex-lover Lena (Zoe Saldana) showcase Bale’s awesome range. Providing yet another masterclass of acting prowess, Bale excels at making his craft look effortless. It’s as if he’s changed skins since playing the shleppy Irving in American Hustle as he has once transformed himself physically to “become” someone new.

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Affleck too puts in a performance for the books and has finally begun to prove to this previously unconvinced critic that he may just be great actor. He balances camaraderie with solitude, laughs with anguish while having to sell his character both as a physical brute and an emotional mess and we buy every second of it. For his part, Harrelson’s DeGroat is the best, and most vile, villain of 2013. Despicable though he may be, his bridge-burning demeanor turns being cavalier into a bloodcurdling game of conversation, making him just about the worst person you could ever bump into at a bar. And though Saldana and a gruff-voiced Forest Whitaker don’t get the screen time they deserve, both bring complex elements to characters that could easily have been one-note and forgettable.

Adding even more depth to the film, the technical elements racket up the tension and help to accentuate the ripe metaphorical elements planted throughout. Dickon Hinchliffe‘s score, largely leaning on Pearl Jam’s “Release,” lends itself to the harrowing nature of the film as bleak yet bold cinematography from Masanobu Takayanagi puts the rust back in Rustbelt. This is a dirty, decaying world the Bazes populate and the technical elements help prop up that fact, giving weight to the film and the metaphorical elements boiling within. All these elements – the stellar performances, crisp and dark direction, surging score, crunchy landscapes, an open-ended conclusion – all add up to a film that demands to be seen on the big screen and deserves to be dissected by its viewers.

A-

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NYMPHOMANIAC Goes VOD

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Lars Von Trier has made a career out of showing audiences things that are hard to look at. Case and point: he cast Shia Lebeouf in an erotic art film. Well, in case a little bit of naked LeBeouf is not enough for you, Nymphomanic will be a two part experience now, with a VOD release shortly before it goes theatrical. Part One will go On Demand on March 6, 2014 and Part Two will follow a month later on April 3, 2014. The theatrical release dates remain March 21, 2014 for limited and April 18, 2014 for “wide” – whatever that may mean in the context of a Lars Von Trier film.

It’s hard to see the point of any VOD release, other than the fact that more options is a good thing. This is, after all, the age of Netflix. Still, it seems that Von Trier’s primary audiences are the run-down local theater type, a type who appreciates the big screen. At least now you can watch it at home, without making an awkward date out of it, while avoiding the trench coat crowd.

The full press release is below:

NEW YORK (December 5, 2013) – Magnolia Pictures announced today the U.S. release dates for Lars von Trier’s much-anticipated motion picture event, NYMPHOMANIAC, which will be released as two full-length feature films. NYMPHOMANIAC: PART ONE will open in theaters on March 21, 2014, and be available On Demand as of March 6, 2014. NYMPHOMANIAC: PART TWO will open in theaters on April 18, 2014 and be available On Demand as of April 3, 2014.

NYMPHOMANIAC: PART ONE is the story of Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg), a self-diagnosed nymphomaniac who is discovered badly beaten in an alley by an older bachelor, Seligman (Stellan Skarsgård), who takes her into his home. As he tends to her wounds, she recounts the erotic story of her adolescence and young-adulthood (portrayed in flashback by Stacy Martin). PART ONE also stars Shia LaBeouf, Christian Slater, Uma Thurman, Sophie Kennedy Clark, Connie Nielsen and Udo Kier.

PART TWO picks up with the story of Joe’s adulthood, and stars Jamie Bell, Willem Dafoe, Mia Goth and Jean-Marc Barr in addition to Gainsbourg, Skarsgård, Martin and LaBeouf.

NYMPHOMANIAC: PART ONE and NYMPHOMANIAC: PART TWO mark Lars von Trier’s follow-up to his critically acclaimed film, MELANCHOLIA (released by Magnolia in 2011), and is his third consecutive collaboration with Charlotte Gainsbourg. A groundbreaking filmmaker for more than two decades, von Trier’s other films credits include ANTICHRIST, DOGVILLE, DANCER IN THE DARK, and BREAKING THE WAVES. NYMPHOMANIAC is produced by Louise Vesth for Zentropa Entertainments.

As widely reported, the films contain graphic depictions of sexuality to a degree unprecedented in a mainstream feature film. After von Trier’s experience at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, where he was harshly criticized for comments he made at the MELANCHOLIA press conference, he has vowed to cease doing press on behalf of his films and let them speak for themselves. Both films will have their international debut in Denmark, where they’re opening this Christmas Day.

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AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 Trailer Features 3 Villians Because That Worked So Well Before

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In a move of unprecedented studio genius, The Amazing Spiderman 2 has decided to go big or go home, introducing a stable of villains for this second installment of a franchise that people could not be more excited about. While the film originally seemed like it would just be a Spidey vs. Electro showdown, the villians have been adding up piece-by-piece to make up the much-loved triple villain assault. As you’ll probably remember, fans and critics alike swooned over Spiderman 3, easily the favorite of Sam Raimi‘s trilogy, with many pointing to the inclusion of three separate villians, each with their own origin storyline, as the highlight of the film. Celebrated critic Roger Ebert said, “Spiderman 3 soars but I couldn’t help but wish that there were 4 villians.”

Joined by Rhino – Paul Giamatti in a big Rhino-shaped robot suit – and Green Goblin – Harry Osborn (Dane DeHaan) encouraged to be a dick to ol’ friend Peter Park by a bed-ridden Norman Osborn (Chris Cooper) – Electro aims to wipe out Spiderman because he’s a man dressed like a spider and that kind of nonsense just won’t fly. Because, honestly, what’s worse in life than a wackjob in a costume going around stopping petty crime? That’s right – nothing.

Even more exciting is the fact that you can clearly see hints for EVEN MORE VILLAINS TO COME in this trailer. The most obvious of which is Doc Octopus’s evil eight-armed-suit that is chilling in a tank. It likes like even though dear Robert won’t have lived to see the day when his dream came true, the rest of us living will finally be granted our ultimate wish of seeing four (no five, oh god let it be six) supervillains in one Spiderman movie.

Take a look at this trailer which looks nothing like a video game and makes complete sense. 

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HER Wins National Board Of Review Best Picture

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The National Board Of Review has awarded Her best film and Spike Jonze best director. Her, 12 Years a Slave, Dallas Buyers Club, Gravity, Inside Llewyn Davis, American Hustle and The Wolf on Wall Street have each thrived throughout the precursor awards receiving a wide spread of nominations and wins, proving that this Fall season looks to redeem a very poor summer at the movies. Although, Her won’t see a wide release until January 10, 2014, it’s been screening to select audiences and critics who have received the film very, very warmly. This expected win will surely boost its chances in the upcoming Oscar season.

Spike Jonze’s track record speaks for itself and the trailer provides a haunting and thought-provoking cinematic landscape. Expect Joaquin Phoenix to be in the running for this year’s very competitive Best Actor category but considering how crowded it is, he may not quite make the grade. If he keeps turning The Master caliber performances, it’s only a matter of time until he is considered as much of a shoe-in as the likes of Daniel Day Lewis or Tom Hanks. 

What does this mean for the rest of award season? It’s anyone’s game really. 12 Years a Slave has seemed to lose some serious moment in these precursor awards but I would still be surprised if it didn’t do some serious damage at the Oscars. The aforementioned films however have certainly been delivering the proverbial chink to 12 Year’s armor.

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Gal Gadot to Play First Big Screen Wonder Woman

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Zack Snyder’s much speculated on new film, Batman vs. Superman, released a non-Ben Affleck related news item today: Gal Gadot will be playing Wonder Woman. The internet responded with a collective, “Who’s Gal Gadot?” Speculation on her ability to carry the role has been expectantly absent, as she only has five film credits to her name, three of which have the words “Fast” and “Furious” in the title.

What does it say about the target audience for these films, when Ben Affleck’s announcement to play one of the most iconic vigilantes of all time is met with uproarious disapproval, but when an actress is announced for an iconic role, our only criteria is her hotness? Snyder gave his take on her, “Not only is Gal an amazing actress, but she also has that magical quality that makes her perfect for the role.” A magical quality? Spot on analysis, Zack.

I, for one, am glad they went with a more unproven actress. It should be exciting to see what other heroes are announced for the film, as this is quickly turning into the Justice League film that has been long anticipated. Plus, it’ll be the first time that one of DC’s most iconic superheroes will grace the screen – unless you count the x-rated 1979 spinoff, Superwoman, which starred Jesie James and has been called “a comedy porn classic.” Hopefully this will be a more, ahem, forward looking debut for Wonderwoman.

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