ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES Super-Sized R-Rated Version Hitting Theaters for Limited One Week Run

Ron Burgundy’s latest breaking-news announcement can only signify one thing for an America still recovering from the torrid heap of dung that was Anchorman 2: more Ron Burgundy. Depending on your affinity for condom jokes and racial wisecracks, this latest newsflash will either leave you scrambling for your glue-on mustache or covering your eyes and ears in despairing attempt to escape the advertising torrent that’s sure to drown us all in Burgundy’s cologne and cocksurity.

With exactly 763 new jokes and thirty more (now R-rated) minutes, collaborators Adam McKay and Will Ferrell‘s latest installment looks like it could be just as obnoxious as its overly-long title. McKay and Ferrell have been saying for months that they could make another movie from all the content that didn’t fit in the The Legend Continues. Just imagine how much better this extra-long version will be with the improvised dick humor and shark-wrestling thatdidn’t make the first cut. At least they’re true to their word.
If Anchorman was asucculent filet mignon, then Anchorman 2 would be whatever it looked like coming out in the men’s room. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues was two full hours of glorified fart noise, and its shit-bouquet somehow managed to ravage one of this century’s funniest movie concepts. Now we can look forward to the dysenterial constipation Super-Sized is likely to be.
This limited edition release only lasts a week and is said to include a new musical number. As one of the highlights of the “original” version of Legend Continues was Ferrell’s shark sing-a-song “Doby”, hopefully this is sign of good things to come. Maybe, if we’re lucky, it’ll have all the humor Anchorman 2 didn’t.

Check out the trailer for this new cut and see if it’s something you’d be willing to shell out full ticket price for (again) when it hits theaters on February 28.


Tarantino Has a Title for His Next Film


After talking about how his next film would continue playing in the southern America/slavery playground that Django Unchained dabbled, Quentin Tarantino revealed that the title of his much anticipated new film would be The Hateful Eight. Tarantino’s screenplay is reported finished and will likely find its way online and into the line of scrutiny sooner rather than later. Although few details about the film have surfaced, Tarantino has stated that he would like frequent collaborator Christoph Waltz to join the cast alongside  Bruce Dern, who you may remember had a small role in Django but has more recently seen his star shine bright after playing Woody in Alexander Payne‘s celebrated Nebraska.

Tarantino is infamous for juggling a bunch of ideas so it’s hard to say which, if any, of his previous endeavors will make it to the screen with The Hateful Eight. In 2009, Tarantino talked about doing a story about abolitionist John Brown, which may or may not feature in his next:

“One story that I could be interested in doing, and it would probably be one of the last movies I do. My favorite hero in American history is John Brown. He’s my favorite American who ever lived… He basically single-handedly started the road to end slavery and the fact that he killed people to do it. He decided, ‘Okay, if we start spilling white blood, then they’re going to start getting the idea.”

Other ideas that have been left on the proverbial curb include an (unnecessary) follow up to Kill Bill, The Vega Brothers which pit Pulp Fiction‘s Vincent Vega (John Travolta) against Reservoir Dogs‘ Vic Vega (Michael Madsen) and a host of British spy films, like The Man From U.N.C.L.E., that he’s had or been trying to get the rights to for years.

And while Tarantino’s word is certainly not his bond, it’ll be interesting to see where The Hateful Eight lands on his iconic Tarantino spectrum. Per his previous work, there would be few surprised to see The Hateful Eight end up somewhere between a western and samurai film. As Tarantino himself said of Western films, “Okay, now let me make another one now that I know what I’m doing.”

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Sony's Spiderman Universe Gets VENOM and SINISTER SIX Spinoffs

The fellas over at Sony have been having a field day this month with their Spiderman properties. After the release of the latest trailer for The Amazing Spiderman 2, the interwebs stirred with spoiler discussions of what was to come next (as in, not this movie, but the movie after it). Hints towards both Vulture and Doc Ock suggested an eventual move towards a classic baddie collective that had fanboys flipping out like they were seeing The Avengers for the first time. From there, Sony further stirred the pot by releasing info that Spiderman himself, Andrew Garfield, was only signed for the first three Spiderman movies. As if that’s an actual conflict worthy of a story (the voices are telling me that that offer him… what is it?…more money! And then he signs! Lordie lordie!)

The latest announcement – standalone films for both The Sinister Six and Venom. Apparently Venom is a bit of an anti-hero in the comic books so his getting a standalone seems to make a modicum of sense (and has been something fans have pushed for for many, many years.) Few fell for Topher Grace‘s iteration of the iconic Spiderman enemy in Spiderman 3 so a reinvention of the character is a move that has been welcomely received. But while putting Venom in the spotlight might be a smart move, and a way to beef up this whole Expanded Universe thing that apparently every superhero movie in the world must do, the case for the Sinister Six sounds like a mess before it’s even started. I’m guessing they try some form of Avengers team-building but, assuming it doesn’t prominently feature Spiderman, I can’t imagine how they frame that film.

So, from my count, that makes four Amazing Spiderman movies on the platter with two spin offs and, don’t forget, the potential to have Spiderman join The Avengers (most likely for Avengers 7: Give Us All The Money). Superhero fatigue is trending like skinny jeans nowadays so I’ll save you the perfunctory sigh. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

Leonardo DiCaprio as Doc Ock,
Christian Bale
as Kraven the Hunter,
Tom Cruise
as Mysterio,
Ryan Gosling as Sandman,
JGL as Vulture,
Jaimee Foxx
as Electro.
How cool wood it b if all thez AMAZINBALLS acters played da SINSTER 6?! OMFG> LOLCATZ.”

Are you happy now?! Are you not entertained? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

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Disney Takes INDIANA JONES Property, Will Make Fifth Film Because Fuck Your Childhood


In the most heartbreaking news article of the week, Disney has acquired the rights to Indiana Jones and plan on making a fifth film in the beloved franchise. Heralded as one of the greatest film trilogies in the history of film trilogies (although some are admittedly lukewarm on the ultra-campy Temple of Doom), the utterly heinous fourth film sought to dismember all fan love for the franchise. Now, a fifth film is in the works to challenge how far you can push viewers until they snap.

Subbing a grizzled and aged Indiana Jones for the snarky, cock of the walk ruffian who made the hat and whip combo into a thing, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull left a stain on the franchise unlikely to be wiped away by a follow up chartered by Disney. Introducing Indy’s son in Mutt (Shia Labeouf) was a play to pass the torch but was widely panned by all, making the likelihood of his playing a serious role in any future installments slim.  

But the question remains: what to do with the character? Sure, Ford could probably play him one last time, and perhaps try to make up for the utter disappointment of his last outing, but he’s hardly in physical shape to play the character any further on down the line (the guy isn’t getting any younger). This doesn’t leave the future of franchise with many options. Since the whole Shia/Mutt thing isn’t really an option, this really only leaves them with one choice: to James Bond it.

Instead of going back and rebooting Raiders with the same story, they can just pass the mantel to a new, younger actor without ever explaining the change and continue down a whole new line of whip-cracking adventures. This will allow them to remain in the same Nazi-filled time period, breathe new life into the character, and set him up as a mainstay for decades to come. But any duplicitous attempts to shoehorn any ol’ actor into Indy digs to take on supernatural/Nazi will be met with fierce fan uprising. However, if they put a proven talent in the role, people might not have such a knee-jerk freakout and may accept Indy as a changing man. Then again, what is Indiana Jones without Harrison Ford?

I guess I’d rather not really think about too much and instead will bow my head in respect for our lost friend, Indiana Jones (1981-89).

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X-MEN: APOCALYPSE Announced Via Tweet

In The Godfather: Part II, Michael says to Connie, “The ink on your divorce isn’t dry yet, and you’re getting married?” I want to say something similar to Bryan Singer. The ink isn’t even dry on the X-Men: Days of Future Past script and you are already announcing X-Men: Apocalypse? Well, he just did. Today Singer tweeted, “#Xmen #Apocalypse 2016.”  


Details are non-existent, obviously. However, comic book fans are speculating that it will be a loose adaptation of the Age of Apocalypse storyline. If so, it will have time travel, a villain named Apocalypse, alternate timelines, and the possible revival of Jean Grey and Cyclops.

So, for the comic book illiterate of us, this likely means more Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Michael Fassbender, and James McAvoy, among other all-star cast members, which is nothing to complain about. I would prefer to think about one thing at a time, though and right now, X-Men: Days of Future Past is the only X-Men film I have room in my brain to anticipate. 

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Lars Von Trier has made a career out of showing audiences things that are hard to look at. Case and point: he cast Shia Lebeouf in an erotic art film. Well, in case a little bit of naked LeBeouf is not enough for you, Nymphomanic will be a two part experience now, with a VOD release shortly before it goes theatrical. Part One will go On Demand on March 6, 2014 and Part Two will follow a month later on April 3, 2014. The theatrical release dates remain March 21, 2014 for limited and April 18, 2014 for “wide” – whatever that may mean in the context of a Lars Von Trier film.

It’s hard to see the point of any VOD release, other than the fact that more options is a good thing. This is, after all, the age of Netflix. Still, it seems that Von Trier’s primary audiences are the run-down local theater type, a type who appreciates the big screen. At least now you can watch it at home, without making an awkward date out of it, while avoiding the trench coat crowd.

The full press release is below:

NEW YORK (December 5, 2013) – Magnolia Pictures announced today the U.S. release dates for Lars von Trier’s much-anticipated motion picture event, NYMPHOMANIAC, which will be released as two full-length feature films. NYMPHOMANIAC: PART ONE will open in theaters on March 21, 2014, and be available On Demand as of March 6, 2014. NYMPHOMANIAC: PART TWO will open in theaters on April 18, 2014 and be available On Demand as of April 3, 2014.

NYMPHOMANIAC: PART ONE is the story of Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg), a self-diagnosed nymphomaniac who is discovered badly beaten in an alley by an older bachelor, Seligman (Stellan Skarsgård), who takes her into his home. As he tends to her wounds, she recounts the erotic story of her adolescence and young-adulthood (portrayed in flashback by Stacy Martin). PART ONE also stars Shia LaBeouf, Christian Slater, Uma Thurman, Sophie Kennedy Clark, Connie Nielsen and Udo Kier.

PART TWO picks up with the story of Joe’s adulthood, and stars Jamie Bell, Willem Dafoe, Mia Goth and Jean-Marc Barr in addition to Gainsbourg, Skarsgård, Martin and LaBeouf.

NYMPHOMANIAC: PART ONE and NYMPHOMANIAC: PART TWO mark Lars von Trier’s follow-up to his critically acclaimed film, MELANCHOLIA (released by Magnolia in 2011), and is his third consecutive collaboration with Charlotte Gainsbourg. A groundbreaking filmmaker for more than two decades, von Trier’s other films credits include ANTICHRIST, DOGVILLE, DANCER IN THE DARK, and BREAKING THE WAVES. NYMPHOMANIAC is produced by Louise Vesth for Zentropa Entertainments.

As widely reported, the films contain graphic depictions of sexuality to a degree unprecedented in a mainstream feature film. After von Trier’s experience at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, where he was harshly criticized for comments he made at the MELANCHOLIA press conference, he has vowed to cease doing press on behalf of his films and let them speak for themselves. Both films will have their international debut in Denmark, where they’re opening this Christmas Day.

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Quentin Tarantino Working On New Western


Beloved director, writer, and former slave-in-a-past-life, Quentin Tarantino revealed, in an interview with David Letterman that his new film will indeed be another western, unrelated to Django Unchained. And, in the most modest statement Tarantino has ever made, he said, “Okay, now let me make another one (a western) now that I know what I’m doing.” We all know that Tarantino has always shown a huge western influence in all of his films – in particular, the Kill Bill series, which I would consider even more true to western conventions than Django Unchained.

There is a stark contrast between the more traditional vengeance of Kill Bill and the samurai/westerns that inspired it, and the revenge porn of Inglorious Basterds and Django Unchained. And, as disappointed as I am with the fact that this most likely isn’t going to be the long awaited third part of Kill Bill, I hope it takes a more measured approach to western traditions than Django did. Tarantino has repeatedly stated that his favorite film is The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

Something truer to a Sergio Leone style vision, with Tarantino’s snappy dialogue, would be fantastic. Of course, this speculation may be entirely unwarranted, as it wouldn’t be unlike Tarantino to completely misdirect us. He also announced, in case you thought he couldn’t get any more eccentric, that he sits in a heated pool to get his ideas. Struggling writers take note.

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Joe Wright to Direct Peter Pan Origin Story

Joe Wright has already proven his high-brow literary cred, with adaptations of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Ian McEwan’s Atonement, and Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. While not an apatatio, he also directed Hannah which is entertainment in its purest form. Continuing on, according to Variety’s sources, he will be adapting Peter Pan, one of the most beloved children’s stories of all time. Jason Fuchs, with only two full length screenplays under his belt, wrote the script and Greg Berlanti will produce.

Wright has proven to have a striking visual style that blends realism and a more stylistic, fantastical approach, which should make him the ideal man for the job. It remains to be seen, whether this will be geared more towards children (Fuchs has previously worked on the Ice Age films) or if it will take a more mature approach to the subject matter. Wright has an excellent opportunity here to toe that line, in the same way he did in Anna Kernina and Atonement.

Peter Pan hasn’t been done in a while so why not just do it all over again? That is the studio mentality these days right? However according to rumors, Sony and Disney are also working on Peter Pan films of their own. Of the three, Wright’s name certainly gives this one the edge, in terms of potential artistry. 

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Justin Lin Brought On For BOURNE 5


You might not think you know the name Justin Lin but trust me, it’s right there at the tip of your tongue. He’s the guy who turned the Fast and Furious franchise from a joke into an empire, somehow winning over action junkies, international crowds, and even critics to the tune of billions. But now that he’s been confirmed to direct Jeremy Renner, the star of last year’s very mildly successful Bourne Legacy, in a fifth Bourne film, already rumored to see the return of original trilogy header Matt Damon, talks have turned to how Lin will handle a property that drops fast cars, massive set spectacles, and a flock of skin-deep meat heads (sorry Dom) for a simmering thriller rife with political undertones.

Lin has most certainly shown he’s adept at staging larger-than-life action sequences but Bourne has always been more about close quarters combat – not to mention shaky cam – than actual the stuff of stunning spectacle. Legacy suffered a horde of bad reviews that marked it down for keeping its head in the chem clouds and prioritizing twists and turns over genuine character arcs so one wonders how Lin – a typically action-heavy director – will serve as a substantial improvement over Tony Gilroy‘s (Michael Clayton) direction. If one thing is abundantly, it’s the fact that Universal Studios seem to want to go a new direction with the franchise, presumably a much more high-octane-oriented route.

Whether Renner’s Aaron Cross character will actually cross paths with Damon’s Jason Bourne is nothing more than unsubstantiated rumors at this point but there’s something about nabbing Lin that leads me to believe that this fifth film looks to really take things to another level.

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Hugh Jackman to Return for WOLVERINE 3

I enjoyed The Wolverine, even though I had no delusions that it was a great movie, but now it looks like it will be the middle child of a trilogy of Wolverine movies. James Mangold, director of The Wolverine and 3:10 to Yuma, will return to direct Hugh Jackman for his eighth, yes eighth, run as the eponymous Wolverine. This news comes as a bit of a surprise since The Wolverine saw lackluster box office return and mild reaction from fans and critics.

Although little details have yet emerged as to where this tale will fall within the X-Men timeline, especially since this release will fall after X-Men: Days of Future Past, old Wolfy boy seems like he won’t ever die. Now Oscar nominated and a massive international superstar, Jackman seems to really be limiting his options continuing down the X-Men route. Unless you finally get Darren Aronofsky onboard and an R-rating, the propects of yet another Wolverine movie seem limited by what we’ve already seen.

Fox’s executive decisions up to this point suggest that so long as Jackman is willing, they’ll throw a Wolverine role at him every other year until he dies. Jackman though seems headstrong to continue his superhero path and has recently made comments suggesting that he would love to join up with the Avengers at some point. Slow down Jackman, I think eight superhero movies might be enough for one man.

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