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Pastel-Plastered ‘BARBIE’ A Hilarious and Incisive Indictment of Modernity, Gender Roles

When Mattel recently announced that they would be launching their own extended cinematic universe (the Mattel Cinematic Universe, or MCU2), the internet groaned in exhausted unison. After all, what could be more unappealing in our era of modern moviemaking than yet another corporate attempt to coalesce blatant brand synergy and Hollywood’s necrotic trend of interconnectiveness, all to satisfy a company’s stakeholders and their own bottom line? From my very anecdotal research, this is simply not a thing that the movie-going public is clambering for.  No one is demanding a theatrical showcase where Hot Wheels, Sock ‘Em Robots, and Barbie team up in some kind of Avengers-style plot to take down the dastardly Hungry Hungry Hippos. And yet, Mattel is currently in some stage of development on a vast number of feature films based on just that with Hot Wheels, Magic 8 Ball, He-Man, Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, Polly Pocket, View-Master, American Girl, and the card game Uno all in some form of gestational pre-production. Theirs is a gloomy future that presupposes that Hollywood hits come purely from brand recognition – a future that forecasts the further sidelining of anything truly original, championing nostalgia and brand dominance over the creation of the new.  Read More

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Handsome, Dull ‘DEATH ON THE NILE’ Paddles Towards Predictability 

Death on the Nile begins with the origin story of Hercule Poirot’s (Kenneth Branagh) ridiculous mustache. His face was half-blown off in WWI you see, this facial deformity informing his older self’s reclusive and fussy nature. The overly coiffed, quadruple-pronged mustache was a cover up all along. A way to throw people off the scent of his great trauma and deep-seated pain. The detective, it seems, is indeed human after all. Surmising why the world-famous detective became who he is proves the best material in this sequel to 2017’s Murder on the Orient Express, a murder mystery that is otherwise haunted by an almost total lack of mystery.  Read More