13 Most Disturbing Horror Films of the Last 13 Years

October 12, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged 28 Days Later, Antichrist, Bug, Horror, I Saw the Devil, Inside, Irreversible, Kill List, Lists, Martyrs, Starry Eyes, The Descent, The Loved Ones, The Mist, Tusk 16 Comments

First of all, I’m gonna throw down the NSFW gauntlet for these 13 most disturbing movies of the last 13 years because what you are about to witness is, as the name suggests, a list of not exactly your grandma’s horror movies. These are the most twisted, most gnarly, most graphic horror films ever. Their intent is to scar you. Their purpose, to become your nightmare. In the patheon of twisted, these reign supreme. The sample pictures I’ve included alone should be enough to scare you off from ever watching any of these twisted entries in a troubled genre. Treat this as a dare, not a suggestion. You enter the territory of the twisted on your own accord. If you’re still around by the second to last entry, may God have mercy on your soul. Read More

A Flawless, Expert, Foolproof Ranking of David Fincher’s Films

September 29, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged Alien 3, David Fincher, Fight Club, Lists, Panic Room, Ranking, Seven, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Game, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, The Social Network, Zodiac

Seeing that Gone Girl screens here in Seattle tonight, I’ve taken it upon myself to go through and rank the films of auteur filmmaker David Fincher. Fincher is simply one of our generation’s greatest filmmakers, offering dark, twisted and thrilling dramas riddled with psychological horror and saddled with a tone so black, it’d make a crow look pale. He’s got a visionary’s eye, a penchant for working with great actors (including a close working relationship with Brad Pitt) and a knack for technical perfection, contributing some truly amazing films to the last two centuries of film cannon. Counting down his works in anticipation of the public release of Gone Girl, these are Fincher’s films ranked for your convenience. Read More

TEST

August 13, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists

Test

A Definitive, Indisputable, Unarguable Ranking of the Coen Bro’s Films

August 8, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged A Serious Man, Barton Fink, Blood Simple, Burn After Reading, Coen Bros, Fargo, Inside Llewyn Davis, Intolerable Cruelty, Millers Crossing, No Country For Old Men, O Brother Where Art Thou, Raising Arizona, The Big Lebowski, The Hudsucker Proxy, The Ladykillers, The Man Who Wasn't There, True Grit

Ethan and Joel Coen have been making movies since 1984. And not just your run-of-the-mill, “here’s another one” kind of movie. Thoughtful, delicately constructed masterworks. One after another. I truly think it’s fair to say that they don’t have a bad movie in the bunch, which makes the task of ranking them ever the more difficult. Each of their films have something in them to love; something unique worthy of cherishing. Be it a character, a stylish approach or brisk, bright bursts of comedy, they’re all bursting at the seams with life. In an attempt to parse out the differences though, it becomes clear just how united the Coen’s filmography is, even though at first glance, that couldn’t seem less the case. Read More

A Definitive Ranking of Marvel’s Movies

July 30, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged Captain America, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Iron Man 3, Marvel, Ranking, The Avengers, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Thor: The Dark World 1 Comment

Nowadays the mantra seems to go, “If you’ve seen ’em, rank ’em.” And me being the non-boat-rocking critic that I am, I’ve decided it pertinent to rank all of the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies what with Guardians of the Galaxy releasing wide today and all. As is with all lists, this numbered collection is infallible and completely definitive. Although other people may seek to disagree with the rankings laid out below, scientifically any contention is wrong. You know, because opinion is objective and I’m always right.

I’m sure everyone’s cooked up with own list, either on paper or in their minds, and mine will incite fire to spew from your eyes and burn a hole in the screen but this is how I have to break down the Marvel movies. I’m chiefly taking into consideration my enjoyment of any of the below films but am also considering the relative importance of each in the grand scheme of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and their impact on film in general. So ready your hunting knives, because here I go… Read More

21 Shows I'm Watching/Have Watched in 2014 RANKED

July 19, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged American Horror Story, Broad City, Fargo, Game of Thrones, Homeland, House of Cards, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Legit, Louie, Modern Family, Orange is the New Black, Parks and Recreations, Ranked, Review, Sherlock, Silicon Valley, Sons of Anarchy, South Park, The Americans, The Leftovers, The Walking Dead, True Detective, TV, Tv Shows

Because people won’t read it unless you rank it, I’ve decided to lay out all the new or ongoing shows I’m watching or have watched this year. As a criteria of sorts, I’m only including shows of which I’ve watched all the episodes of and am up to date on. So nothing that I’ve just taken a peek at, watched an ep here or there, or any shows that are already over and done with.

So even though I’m desperately trying to get in on The Wire, it’s not included on the list. Breaking Bad wrapped last year so it won’t earn a spot here. I’ve been making my way through Freaks and Geeks but that also won’t claim a listing. And though I have my eye on Masters of Sex, Halt and Catch Fire and Ray Donovan, amongst others, I haven’t gotten to them yet so again, ineligible. Likewise, I’ve seen the first episode of The Strain but can’t anticipate what the rest of the season will hold so it’s on the outside looking in.

In addition to ranking the shows based on my personal preference, I’ve also thrown in a favorite episode from the last season that’ll give you a taste of the better elements of the show. I’m sure there will be much disagreement so feel free to join in on the discussion and tell me where I’m wrong.

21. Modern Family (ABC)

Though not as contrarian as its first seasons seemed to be, the newest episodes of Modern Family keeps up the elements of the show that works, even while laying on thick some of those that don’t. Ty Burrell as Phil remains the biggest draw in a show that’s really hit or miss depending on who’s onscreen (I could do with less of the white Dunphy kids.) Though it may be a touch too family-friendly and borderline castrated at times, the stable of writers do manage to tactfully slip in a fair share of guffaw-able double entendres. Best ep: “A Hard Jay’s Night”

20. The Americans (FX)

This FX original sees a pair of Russian spies living undercover in American in the height of the Cold War. Everything about their lives are a manicured lie, all the way down to their marriage. Having kids though has thrown a wrench into the works and, in this second season, has become an obstacle that cannot be overlooked. Featuring strong performances from leads Keri Russell and Matthew Rhys, it’s a ballsy thriller that probes ideas of loyalty, allegiance and sacrifice. It may not be a show that’ll immediately win you over but it’s consistently solid and will have you coming back to check in with this morally ambiguous deuo. Best ep: “Trust Me”

19. Orange is the New Black (Netflix)

After an overrated first season, this second year of Netflix’s most popular show reigned in the more bombastic elements to showcase a smaller, quieter prison character drama. It may be running dry on back story and certainly seems like a show with an inevitable end of the road, so any audience best grow used to this kind of baby-stepping, but in narrowing the scope, the writers have showcased a knack for making those small moments matter. So long as the side characters continue to be fleshed out, Piper continues to grow and change, and that willy Alex manages to keep sticking her nose into things, Orange is the New Black should continue to be a compelling journey worth taking. Best ep: “Thirsty Bird”

18. Parks and Recreation (NBC)

Everyone is forced to watch at least a few cable network sitcom and I’ve place my chips with Parks and Recs for good reason. Although it took a few seasons to really get off the ground, Parks has really hit a stride over the past few years, one that has been admittedly disrupted by the painful departure of Rashida Jones and Rob Lowe. Still, with a crew that includes Ron Offerman, Chris Pratt, Aziz Ansari, Adam Scott and Aubrey Plaza, a writing team with an armada of pun-heavy and visual gag-laden comic beats, and Amy Poehler as the relentlessly enthusiastic Leslie Knope really holding the show together with an iron-strong grip, Parks and Recs continues to represent the best of cable. Best ep: “The Cones of Dunshire”

17. American Horror Story (FX)

With each season going down a whole new rabbit hole, American Horror Story is really like nothing else on television. Grotesque, eerie and lead by a great female cast, Coven may have skimped on some of the more insane elements that earlier seasons provided, but it certainly told the most complete, well-rounded story yet. Jessica Lange returns again, largely because Horror Story quite frankly has some of the best roles for women in all of television, and she simply knocks it out of the park. Series regulars Sarah Paulson, Frances Conroy and Evan Peters all feature heavily contributing to this being a fully compelling, if not always perfect season of a show that’s really off the map. Best ep: “Go to Hell”

16. House of Cards (Netflix)

Netflix hit a nerve with the first season of House of Cards and has now followed it up with an equally bombastic second season. This jet black political thriller sees witness to Kevin Spacey‘s bottom-feeding Frank Underwood skillfully scaling the political ladder. It’s at once deeply unsettling and completely captivating; a tragic yet true satire of the American political system; and yet, it’s impossible to look away from. We find ourselves rooting for that cold, callous politician just to see what is he capable of, despite his crusty, false demeanor, and tricksy, nay evil, deeds. Underwood’s long-con quality of scheming is something that only a show released on Netflix’s “all at once” timetable can legitimize and keeps us from halting the automated onslaught that is “Play Next”. Matching Spacey step for step is Robin Wright, the under-sung, impossibly cold shero of the show who balances the whole thing out like tea to crumpets. Best ep: “Chapter 22”

15. Sons of Anarchy (FX)

Though it’s had a bit of a spotty history in the past, this most recent season of the motorcycle drama brought big change and some huge moments for long-time fans. Season six was quite simply a game-changer and although that meant many “Oh shit” moments, all of the big beats felt earned and inevitable. Nothing speaks more to the fact that violence begets violence than a show about gun-running and all the tragic side effects that go with it. Best ep: “Aon Rud Persanta”

14. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX)

It kind of blows my mind that It’s Always Sunny has been on the air for nine seasons but, well, I guess I’m getting old. I remember watching the first season and laughing my ass off, becoming a committed fan from there on out. And thankfully, the gang has not disappointed. Though they’ve stumbled a few times over the past couple years, season nine really ratcheted things up, adding new elements to a premise that refuses to quit. Charlie Day might still be my favorite but goddamn if all these guys aren’t the funniest comic actors working. So long as they keep making them, I’ll keep watching them. Best ep: “The Gang Saves the Day”

13. Homeland (Showtime)

The saga of Carrie Matheson and Nicholas Brody made the first season of Homeland an impervious guessing game, fleshed into something even more strange and organic in season two and has morphed into a whole new realm of star-crossed lovership with Showtime’s latest season. Though there were some missteps this season; one which was all about not being ready to let go; they aptly course correct in the closing moments, offering some of the most haunting, soul-rending television you could hope for. Best ep: “The Star”

12. Silicon Valley (HBO)

Mike Judge returns to the sardonic workplace drama with Silicon Valley, a show that showed immense potential that paid off more and more as the season drew on. Nerds get a bad wrap with shows like The Big Bang Theory (spare me) and Silicon Valley shows them in a whole new light: in their crippling aversion to the spotlight. Even with only eight episodes for this first season, Kumail Nanjiani came out of thin air to become one of the funniest characters of the year. If they keep piling on the jokes like they did with the last episode (which featured the best running dick joke of the year), we can look forward to a very fortuitous second season. Best ep: “Optimal Tip-To-Tip Efficiency”

11. Legit (FX)

Jim Jefferies is an Australian comedian who just doesn’t give a fuck. His brand of stoner-playboy comedy is entirely his own and when afforded the creative freedom to really take the show into whatever direction he sees fit, we the audience are rewarded with an oft-kilter, unapologetically hilarious and often emotionally resonant dramedy. Like Louie, you never quite know where any episode is going to go but you can always expect some memorable quirk from Jefferies and his competent co-stars Dan Bakkedahl and DJ Qualls. Best ep: “Love”

10. South Park (Comedy Central)

As politically astute, satirically sound and completely absurd as ever, South Park is a testament to Trey Parker and Matt Stone‘s enduring brilliance. Though the seasons have been getting shorter and shorter, each episode is still as pointed and thorny as ever, refusing to spare anyone or anything in its quest to take a stab at the ridiculousness that is the world and its various systems and characters within. This season had a four-episode arc that turned disdain for Black Friday culture into an all-encompassing, truly epic Game of Thrones satire. Keep keeping on boys. Best ep: “The Hobbit”

9. Review (Comedy Central)

An out-of-left-field home run from Comedy Central, Review is a simple enough premise: a man takes requests to review not movies, books nor food but life experiences. The result is unspeakably comical. Andy Daly owns the role of Forrest MacNeil as he charges into various life outings, each of which becomes a part of his character progression, building into a layer cake of laughs. It’s unlike anything else on television and so single-mindedly funny and wholly original, it’s a challenge not to bust through all nine episodes in one go. Best ep: “Orgy: Road Rage”

8. The Leftovers (HBO)

Damon Lindelof‘s latest outing may have just started, but the first few episodes have been mighty impressive and intensely intriguing. The Leftovers follows the events of a small town after 2% of the entire Earth’s population suddenly, inexplicably disappeared into thin air. The third episode alone will be enough to reel in most new viewers, as it plays like a kind of full narrative film with a ripping three-act structure and a killer performance from Christopher Eccleston. Percolating with mystery and some already complex, rounded characters, The Leftovers looks like it may fill the sci-fi-lite gap left by Lost four years back. Be warned though, Lindelof has already stated that if you’re only around to figure out why everyone off and disappeared, you might as well stop watching now. Best ep: “Two Boats and a Helicopter”

7. The Walking Dead (AMC)

What a divisive year The Walking Dead has had. While many thought the splintering of the group led to less “action”, it meant an increased focus on character development, especially between factors that had not previously interacted. It was a great way to trim the fat and center the show on what really matters: us caring about these people. Sure AMC’s zombie make-up continues to be the pinnacle of horror effects the movie world over but if we don’t care when they chomp into a survivor, it’s all for naught. Season four did a great job at making us care. Best ep: “The Grove”

6. Broad City (Comedy Central)

Forget Girls, Broad City is the sacrosanct, feminist NYC chic comedy you need to watch. Adapted from their popular web series, Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer‘s Broad City is through and through hilarious, taking stabs at cultural norms and flipping our expectations of girls gone wild on its head. In the same vein as Obvious Child or Frances Ha, Broad City is new-age feminist hoopla that happily celebrates how gross it is to be a girl in all its charmless glory. Best ep: “Fattest Asses”

5. Louie (FX)

Louie is brilliant for many reasons. First of all, it’s not really a comedy. Not really. It’s what Judd Apatow‘s Funny People wanted to be. It’s about the trials and tribulations of a comic. More than that, it’s about the trials and tribulations of being a man. Most of all though, it’s about the trials and tribulations of being a human. Uproarious when it needs to be, poignant when it wants, Louie is as philosophical a show as you can get. More importantly, i’s unafraid to go to rather dark and unexpected places and take on some serious issues, when it’s not making doo-doo jokes. It might not be for everyone but everyone should give it a taste. Best ep: “So Did the Fat Lady”

4. True Detective (HBO)

True Detective is easily the biggest “cult” hit of the year, complete with a rabid fan-based that’s poised and ready to attack if one lodges even the smallest complaint at the show, so I’m gonna approach with caution. Did True Detective have some of the best performances of the entire year? Yes. Did it feature some truly outstanding sequences? Absolutely. Was it always “must watch” television? Not always. I mean, let’s be honest, it took a while to warm up to the plot, which was devilishly slow for the first few eps. But by the fourth episode, with that impractically amazing long shot, I was in it to win it with all the rest of you. Matt McCougnahey and Woody Harrelson both deserve buckets of praise and then some, a complicated pleasure to watch from the very first moments. But once the plot thickened, it was impossible to look away from the story they were a part of as well. Truly an achievement but still not the absolute best of the year, I’m waiting in the wings to see what creator Nic Pizzolatto is able to pull off next. Best ep: “Who Goes There”

3. Sherlock (BBC)

Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock. The whole fake death thing may have seemed a bit like jumping the shark to some but only a show written with such smarmy shlock and simple smarts could make you feel silly for ever doubting them in the first place. This most recent season of Sherlock oddly enough turns out to be the best yet, with all three of the monumentally lengthy “episodes” offering something new to the ongoing relationship between Holmes and Watson while ratcheting up the tension to ridiculous degrees. To not watch Sherlock is to do yourself a disservice. Get on it. Best ep: “The Sign of Three”

2. Game of Thrones (HBO)

I make no secret of the fact that I’m a total Game of Thrones nerd so it ought to be no surprise that this one debuts so high on my list. From the impossibly thick stable of characters to the absurdly impressive sets, locations, props and costumery, to the movie-quality visual effects and a hallmark for killing off every character you care for, GoT shows a genre-defying willingness to go where no show has gone before. Nothing is sacred, everything is fluid. If you’re not willing to change, you won’t last long in the world of Westeros just as you won’t last long as an audience member. But what cements the whole thing is show-runners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss‘ ability to keep everything together while also making the show their own beast, and the while pacing the sprawling affair masterfully as they mount George R.R. Martin‘s magnum opus like the great dragon masters of lore. Best ep: “The Mountain and the Viper”

1. Fargo (FX)

An astounding product from start to finish, this FX series masterfully takes the tone of the Coen Bros 1996 classic while bringing new (implausibly more interesting) characters and relationships into the fold. It’s an epic piece of cinema on the small screen, adroit in every department. Writing, directing, acting, you name it, it’s top notch here. Martin Freeman, Allison Tolman, Colin Hanks, Bob Odenkirk, Keith Carradine, Adam Goldberg, Glenn Howerton, Oliver Platt, Key and Peele all offer career best work with Billy Bob Thornton throwing down a show-stopper as the show’s professional antagonist. It’s a must see in the purest of forms and one I would urge you all to seek out immediately. Best ep: ALL OF THEM!

————————————————————————————————————————————————-

So if we go ahead and tally up which networks take the cake in this best of list, we’d have:
FX (7), HBO (4), Comedy Central (3), Netflix (2), BBC (1), Showtime (1), AMC (1), ABC (1), NBC (1)

Obviously, I’ve dedicated a good chunk of time to watching my shows and would urge you to steer me towards anything that you would think ought to rank on this list. So there you have it. What would you add?

Follow Silver Screen Riot on Facebook
Follow Silver Screen Riot on Twitter

The Absolute Worst Movies of 2013

January 16, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged A Good Day to Die Hard, After Earth, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Diana, Epic, Getaway, Iron Man, Lists, Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, Movie 43, Now You See Me, Oz: The Great and Powerful, Pacific Rim, Parkland, Prince Avalanche, Reviews, The Canyons, The Fifth Estate, The Hangover: Part 3, The Host, The Last Exorcism: Part 2, The Lone Ranger, Worst Of

With all the talk of great movies out of the way, the task of singling out and ridiculing the slate of absolutely garbage that somehow managed to limp into theaters this year has come. Now every year inevitably sees a slew of flunkies hit the big screen like a batch of rotten tomatoes but I found 2013 in general to be a torpid offender in the “worst of” category. Maybe I ought to chalk up the number of bad movies this year to the fact that I watched over 150 films but then again, I did actively skip a lot of movies that seemed objectively “bad.”

You won’t find the likes of Scary Movie 5, Grown Ups 2, Safe Haven, or Madea’s Christmas on this list because there was no way I was going to see those films. At least the ones I’ve included below had a shot at being decent. Whether or not that makes them even more offensively bad is certainly a topic worth debating, but all that really matters is that they stunk to high heavens and deserve to be watched by no one.

Before I launch into the absolute bottom of this trash bag of entertainment, I do need to recognize some crud that managed to stay off the list just because their terribleness was one-upped. But don’t confuse their absence from the coveted top ten as me patting them on the head and letting off the hook. Think of it more like a police officer letting you off for grand theft auto because someone just set fire to a hospital full of cancer babies. Obviously they’re going to go after the baby arsonist. Here, I have my sights on the baby arsonists of cinema.

Dishonorable Mentions:

Prince Avalanche
The Last Exorcism: Part 2
The Lone Ranger
Parkland
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Epic
Diana
Now You See Me
Pacific Rim
A Good Day to Die Hard

10. GETAWAY

A remarkably dull endeavor that (worse than anything) turned Ethan Hawke‘s otherwise considerable year on its head, Getaway uses close quarter tactics to unwittingly beat us into a state of exhaustion and apathy. More believably a hack than a hacker, Selena Gomez offers some of the worse acting of the entire year so poor Hawke didn’t stand much of a chance. Watching them interact is like having a Skype conversation with a five second delay. There’s just absolutely no life to it. There is one definitive scene towards the end of the film that showcases how the film could have been approached successfully but, unfortunately, filmmaker Courtney Solomon decided to go the easy, cliché action route and blasted out this dud of a thrill ride that’s absent on thrills and, at the end of the day, makes absolutely no sense.

9. OZ: THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

What a plastic, cold effort from otherwise rafter-swinging Sam Raimi. In addition to being a massive disappointment, Oz: The Great and Powerful is easily one of the worst of the year. It all just seems like one big joke. The cocksure and smarmy performance from James Franco is certainly gag-worthy but it’s somehow outshone by the spam of a performance from Mila Kunis as the poorly makeup-ed Wicked Witch. Even the usually consistent Michelle Williams and Rachel Weisz are flat and ineffective. For a movie with so much talent, promise, and resources, Oz is a far cry from great and not even remotely powerful.

8. ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE

I hate to bury Adam Levine‘s 2006 horror movie that finally saw the light of day this year but it really deserved to stay in its coffin. Existing on a purely meta level, this genre film dares us to see past the faux-irony that is having everything we expect to happen happen. Or maybe the whole thing was supposed to be a shock and I just saw through it like the 35-cent jello mold that it was. Although a small fan base slobbered this one up, it unequivocally offered nothing new in terms of surprises, effects, or execution and was as wholly flat as the Texas plains where it takes place. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is a glowing representation of the horror of lazy horror.

7. MOVIE 43

You know this list is bad when you find Movie 43 all the way up in seventh place. Steaming pile of garbage though it was, I didn’t actively hate Movie 43 the way I did many of the others on this list. Sure, it’s lazy, dumb, obnoxious, tasteless, offensive, and desperate for laughs but at least we didn’t go in to this expecting it to be a real movie. And for the many, many misses, there were a few sketches that worked my funny bone and I gotta dish out some credit where it’s due. Still, nothing this year clawed at my nerves like the Beezel the cat sketch. That was just in a league of its own.

6. THE HANGOVER: PART 3

An ugly and unnecessary conclusion to a series that should have ended when it began, The Hangover: Part 3 has no idea what it’s doing. Instead of rehashing the events of the first one like the Bangkok-set Hangover 2 did, this second sequel turns fatally dark and all but drops the comedy angle. There’s not a laugh to be found in its 100-minute runtime. And maybe it’s the disappointment that the series has fallen so far or maybe it’s the fact that this movie is just undeniably bad to the bone but The Hangover: Part 3 is the perfect example of sequels sullying the good name of the original. The decision to carry on the franchise even though they were clearly out of ideas is only exacerbated by bringing Ken Jeong‘s cringe-worthy Chow character to the forefront. What a steaming mess this flick is from cover-to-cover.

5. THE FIFTH ESTATE

A purely pathetic effort no matter which way you look at it, The Fifth Estate is the Billy Madison of biopics. And with its agenda so clearly honed in on degrading Julian Assange, I’m surprised they didn’t just have Adam Sandler play the part. Shockingly enough, it seems to have no idea how terrible it is. There are no character revelations, no sense of arc, no focus, and no real reason for this film to exist at all. Beyond the cinematic no-no that is trying to make coding cool, Bill Condon goes so far as to craft a series of scenes that take place in “the coding world.” Part bumbling Matrix-style mind game, part collective brain fart, these recklessly awful sequences provided some of the most laughable moments of the entire year. The true shame is that within The Fifth Estate is an important story but it was approached with the finesse of a drunk chimp and made for entirely daffy drama.

4. AFTER EARTH

Look no further than Jaden Smith‘s earth-shatteringly horrendous performance to see the failings of M. Night Whoever‘s latest box-office turd. It was a miracle that anyone agreed to finance another Shyamalan film after steady and progressively worse receptions of his films but, considering the sizable budget on this one and the seeming star power in the Smiths, hope was in the air that maybe After Earth would be a redemption of sorts of the faltering director. But when it crashed landed, it couldn’t have been further from a revival. Defunct on all levels, After Earth is one of the dumbest films to see the light of day in 2013 and fails on just about every level that a film could fail at. However if there was one film this year proved to us the effectiveness of acting through pouting your lips, After Earth proudly stands on the puffiness of Jaden’s punim.

3. THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES

Long, unnecessary title aside, plot threads dangle throughout The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones like cobwebs in a tomb. Though convention has taught us to expect resolutions by a movie’s end, it’s almost as if the people in charge here forget how many nonsensical plot holes were left gaping by the time the lights went up. The best, and worst, example of which includes the central teenage pair who fall for each other even though they’re informed that, you know, they’re brother and sister. But, I mean, whatevz right? Backed by awful, hammed up performances across the board, this flunkie failed to make even the devout YA fans care. The saving grace is that after such a disappointing financial cull, production was halted on the follow-up that was already in progress, so it’s unlikely that we’ll ever see a sequel.

2. THE CANYONS

As ugly as it is repugnant and pseudo-intellectual, The Canyons is gross and unnecessary on all fronts. Imagine a movie so bad that Lindsay Lohan looks endlessly talented when compared to her co-stars and the solitary selling point is its close resemble to soft core porn and you have the ingredients that make The Canyons. From the very first tracking shot that just screams amateur filmmaker, I knew this film was going to be awful but nothing could have prepared me for just how hideous and empty it really was. The Canyons goes about trying to indite LA trust fund babies for being vacuous and unable to relate by being vacuous and unable to relate. Like that guy who wears neon t-shirts down to his kneecaps and leaves the sticker on his b-ball cap and think he’s the cock of the walk, the whole cast and crew in The Canyons just don’t seem to realize that we’re laughing at them, not with them.

1. THE HOST

An amazing feat of filmmaking as implosion, The Host, when it isn’t awful, is busy boring you to tears. Even for a teen franchise, The Host is dramatically inept and utterly incapable of making you care about anything or anyone. As if that’s not enough already, it lacks even one moment of genuine excitement. Even the love quadrangle will leave tweens checking their watches. The Host transforms the boredom of watching the paint dry with waiting for the wheat to grow. Seriously, there are multiple scenes where the characters are literally waiting in a cave for wheat to grow. How did anyone expect this movie would appeal to anyone?! I haven’t even mentioned the intolerable voice-over inner-monologues a la teeny-bopper arguments which serve as the brown icing smeared on this shit cake. The Host is so actively bad that it seems like the kind of thing that would play on repeat in hell while your eyes are shuttered open Clockwork Orange style.

So there it is, the worst of the worst of 2013. As a consolation prize for everyone who made it all the way to the end, here are my (brief) awards for worst actor and actress.

Worst Actor: Johnny Depp “The Lone Ranger”/Jaden Smith “After Earth”

I had to make this category a tie because both performances are truly awful, but for their own unique, special reasons. While Jaden seems to be suffering from a case of not knowing any better, Depp has no such excuse. So a tie between Johnny “I don’t want ever watch the movies I’m in”/”I’m 1/64 native American so me playing Tonto isn’t offensive” Depp and Jayden “I literally can’t act”/”But Daddy says I can” Smith seems like a fore-drawn conclusion in the worst actor of 2013 showdown. When it comes down to the wire though, I don’t think I could be forced to choose which of their performances is more actively awful. Coin toss anyone?

Worst Actress: Selena Gomez “Getaway”/”Spring Breakers”

If there’s one thing Selena Gomez has proved trying to break away from her Disney image it’s that she shouldn’t have tried to break away from her Disney image. Her wildly ineffectively chemistry with just about anyone who happens to be unlucky enough to share a scene with her is written on the walls with permanent marker. Between her pitiful performances in both Getaway and Spring Breakers, Gomez only has herself to compete against herself to be named the Prom Queen of grade-F acting.

Follow Silver Screen Riot on Facebook
Follow Silver Screen Riot on Twitter

Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2014

January 10, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged Anticipated Movies, Boyhood, Chuck Hank and the San Diego Twins, Foxcatcher, Fury, Gone Girl, Inherent Vice, Interstellar, Map to the Stars, Noah, Snowpiercer, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Top Ten

So before you go asking about Lars von Trier‘s 5-hour sexcapade Nymphomaniac, Woody Allen‘s latest period piece starring Emma Stone or any of the three Terrence Malick films that may or may not debut this year, let me just stop you short and let you know that they didn’t see their way onto this list. Though Allen’s newest may be good, he shoots out so many duds that it’s hard to really look forward to any one piece of his work. And Trier, well, do I really have to say anything beyond look at the description? Maybe they’ll be bits of interest but I’m more dreading it than I am anticipating it. As for Malick’s certain pedigree of art film, let’s just say I’m wildly uninterested in anything the man does as I find his work more a chore than anything else.

Although I tried to keep my list as tidy as possible, I did make a bit of a miscalculation so this top ten will actually be a top 11. I was thinking of chopping one but when we’re down to the wire like this, I really want to make sure to get all these top-tier selections out there. One extra film to look forward to right?

If you haven’t yet, take a look back at number 30-21 and 20-11. Otherwise, let’s get down to my Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2014.

10. Snowpiercer

Korean director Joon-ho Bong (The Host – the good one, not the bad one) makes his English-language debut with this dystopian film set on a high-speed train. Starring Captain America‘s Chris Evans, Tilda Swinton, Jamie Bell, John Hurt, Ed Harris, and Octavia Spencer, Snowpiercer opened in France in October to rave reviews. Some even went so far to call it “the best pure science-fiction film since ‘Children Of Men.” [The Playlist]. There’s been a little controversy over it’s US release, such as when will it actually release, amongst stirrings that a US release under the Weinstein Co. banner may see extensive cuts but I’m hoping that if this film ever arrives intact and well, it’ll be a stunner.

No official release date yet but it’s likely 2014 or bust.

10…Again. Map to the Stars

(Accidentally) sharing that top ten spot is David Cronenberg‘s Map to the Stars. Although Cronenberg has largely dropped the ooey, gooey sci-fi-horror genre that made his name what it is today, he’s still a director with a tremendous amount of passion and ideas. Obviously the cast is stacked; Julianne Moore, Robert Pattinson, Carrie Fisher, Mia Wasikowska, John Cussack; but this isn’t the sci-fi adventure the name may suggest. No, instead that star map refers to the celebrities of Hollywood as Cronenberg, backed by a script from Bruce Wagner, turns a satirical lens on child stars. With back-to-back collaborations, it looks like Cronenberg has found a new muse in Twilight‘s Pattinson and I must admit to strongly enjoying their last effort Cosmopolis so sign me up for a trip to Map to the Stars.

So far all we know is that this’ll hit screens sometime in 2014.

9. Foxcatcher

Continuing down the list, it’s all about the guys behind the camera. In Foxcatcher, Bennett Miller (Moneyball) tells the tragic story of how paranoid schizophrenic John duPont killed Olympic Champion Dave Schultz. Yikes. Even a year out, this film screams Oscars and is already poised to make contenders out of the likes of Mark Ruffalo and, however unexpectedly, Steve Carell. Miller has shown a knack for telling a true story in a way that we could never have expected so I’m fascinated to see what he does with a crazy dude and a murder plot.

Yet another without an official release date, Foxcatcher was pushed out of 2013 so there’s no chance it won’t see the light of day in 2014.

8. Fury

Brad Pitt is back to war and I’m already saving my seat. Backed up by Logan Lerman, Michael Pena, Jon Bernthal, and Shia LaBeouf (…) Fury tells the story of one Sherman tank and its five-man crew as they hunt down Nazis with a tank. While Pitt’s glorious recent track record may be the only thing immediately popping out about this one, Fury has something much bigger going for it: David Ayer. The only director to have two entries on this list, Ayer has proven that he can balance drama and tension like none other with End of Watch and this looks even better than entry #15 Sabotage. I’m really wagering a lot on Ayer this year but I have a feeling that neither of his latests will disappoint. If End of Watch is any indication, Fury could be the sleeper hit of the year.

November 12 will see Fury rolling in.

7. Inherent Vice

Paul Thomas Anderson. Joaquin Phoenix. Nuff said. Ok fine, I’ll go on. Even after the fuzzy disappointment that was The Master (and I’ve had enough of arguing why it was or was not a good movie), PTA will be returning to a more wacky and linear story. I started the 2009 Thomas Pynchon novel of the same name and found it a little dry and noirish for my reading taste but I can already imagine the kind of cinematic flair that PTA and Phoenix will bring to it. Needless to say, I’m confident that it’ll be a superior film experience. Although the source material suggests the story may be too pulpy for real awards consideration, could this be the film that brings Phoenix his awaited Oscar?

More 2014 films without confirmed release dates.

6. Gone Girl

Dark, dour, depressing. The three D’s of David Fincher. But what can you expect from the man who brought us Se7en, Fight Club and Zodiac? Based on the bestselling novel by Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl tells the tale of a woman who disappears on her wedding anniversary. Although I’m trying to go into this one with as little details as possible, the mere fact that Fincher is on the case is enough to whet my curiosity. However much next year will revolve around his Batman role, Ben Affleck will have the chance to offer a much more interesting performance here and it’ll be nice to see the man stretch his wings and step outside of his easy, breezy comfort zone.

A pre-Halloween release with an October 3 date.

5. The Grand Budapest Hotel

I feel like I stand alone by being merely lukewarm on Wes Anderson‘s last celebrated film, Moonrise Kingdom, but I’m a staunch believer that his earlier, and more adult, work is his finest. So it’s no wonder that I silently celebrated when The Grand Budapest Hotel got a R-rating. All of Anderson’s usual quirk and OCD-level of visual detail appear to be in tow as are Anderson regulars Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafoe, Jeff Goldblum, and Bill Murray. This time newbies include Ralph Fiennes, in the starring role, Saoirse Ronan, Lea Seydoux, Tom Wilkinson, Harvey Keitel, and F. Murray Abraham. It really seems like Anderson can put a cast together like none other and with a cast list this stacked, you have to imagine that these actors are just lining up at the door to work with him.

In theaters March 7.

4. Chuck Hank And The San Diego Twins

Jonathan Keevil’s debut, Bellflower, was one of the most jarring and visceral films to date and I simply could not wait to see what he did next. So when it was announced that he would write and direct what seems like a loose adaptation of Romeo & Juliet (well there’s warring families and a captured girl so pretty much…alright scrap the R & J reference) I was pretty pumped. Keevil constructed his first film with less than fifteen grand and considering that this budget is about ten times that ($150K) it puts it in a great position. Still far enough away from the mainstream to retain a wholly original flair and yet loaded enough for a little financial flexibility to do more stunts, Chuck Hank and the San Diego Twins is a definite risk pick but one I’m confident making. In Keevil’s Kickstarter campaign, he noted they needed the funds to create such awesome action sequences as: “jumping out of a helicopter”, “Molotov cocktails everywhere” and “punching a guy and he bursts into flames.” Righteous.

It seems like none of my most anticipated have release dates as this one has nothing locked down yet either.

3. Noah

For years, Darren Aronofsky has led us on about his Noah project and finally this year we’ll see what it was he was chomping so hard at the bit about. Once Black Swan made 25 times its production budget (which for those of you don’t already know is totally insane) the folks at Paramount felt it was right to dish out the 130 million dollars Aronofsky wanted to make Noah the big budget spectacle film he always dreamed about. All evidence points to Aronofsky as a tremendous dramatic director (see Requiem for a Dream, The Wrestler, Black Swan) but his first “spectacle” film (The Fountain) was seen as a bit of a failure. Hopefully he’s learned from his mistakes and Noah will satisfy us on a visual and emotional level unlike anything else this year.

Storms into large format theaters on March 28.

2. Interstellar

Speaking of spectacles, there’s no denying that Christopher Nolan is the undisputed king of the blockbuster. Forget about James Cameron, Nolan’s films have staying power and pepper coveted spots on top ten lists every year one of his films is released. Amazingly enough, Nolan’s films have the uncanny ability to attract fanboys and high-nosed film critics in equal measure and it all comes down to his ability to mesmerize an audience. Like Inception before it, Interstellar is an entirely original idea this time revolving around space travel and time warps. Of course we’re interested. Largely abandoning regulars like Christian Bale, Ken Watanbe and Cillian Murphy, Interstellar looks to a new generation of Nolanites in Matthew McConaughey, Jessica Chastain, Wes Bentley, Casey Affleck, Ellen Burstyn, John Lithgow and, naturally, Michael Caine. Let’s just be honest with ourselves: there is no summer movie of 2014 that we’re anticipating more than Nolan’s.

You’ll be able to see Interstellar at the biggest screen in a 100-mile radius on November 7.

1. Boyhood

When you think about it, it shouldn’t be a surprise that my most anticipated film of 2014 goes to Richard Linklater (whose Before Midnight was my Top Movie of 2013) but I’m willing to bet you haven’t even heard of this one. Ambitious to a fault, Boyhood has been in the making for 12 years. And by being in the making, I mean in legitimate development. As in filming for 12 years. Like Linklater’s Before series, Boyhood tracks a father’s (Ethan Hawke) relationship with his son as he grows from 6 to 18. With filming taking place for a few weeks every year, this film will not only serve as a time capsule for the ever-changing Hawke, Linklater, and newcomer Ellar Coltrane but will reflect a changing American culture in the most unaltered of ways. When asked about the film, Hawke said, “[we do] a scene with a young boy at the age of 7 when he talks about why do raccoons die, and at the age of 12 when he talks about video games, and 17 when he asks me about girls.” Essentially, the film will be like growing up all over again. As I said earlier, it’s ambitious beyond compare but I just can’t wait to see what is in store.

Of course there’s no official release date on this.

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. Just to recap:

30. How to Train Your Dragon 2
29. Jupiter Ascending
28. Chef
27. Dumb and Dumber To
26. Only Lovers Left Alive
25. Wish I Was Here
24. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
23. Locke
22. Edge of Tomorrow
21. Godzilla
20. Dom Hemingway
19: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
18. X-Men: Days of Future Past
17. Exodus
16. Guardians of the Galaxy
15. Sabotage
14. Big Hero 6
13. The Raid 2: Berenthal
12. The Monument’s Men
11. Transcendence
10. Map to the Stars
10. Snowpiercer
9 Fox Catcher
7. Inherent Vice
8. Gone Girl
6. Fury
5.The Grand Budapest Hotel
4. Chuck Hank And The San Diego Twins
3. Noah
2. Interstellar
1. Boyhood

Follow Silver Screen Riot on Facebook
Follow Silver Screen Riot on Twitter

30 Most Anticipated Films of 2014 (20-11)

January 9, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged Big Hero 6, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Dom Hemingway, Exodus, Guardians of the Galaxy, Sabotage, The Monuments Men, The Raid 2, Transcendence, X-Men: Day of Future Past

For those of you who missed yesterday’s segment on my Most Anticipated Movies of 2014 (30-21), check it out in full by clicking the link. Otherwise, take a look at slots 20-11 for some upcoming movies you definitely want to be aware of.

20. Dom Hemingway

Mixed reviews saw this film out of the gates at TIFF but I have confidence that what may turned many off about Dom Hemingway will work wonders for me. A violent crime caper with Jude Law playing a machismo, coked-up safe cracker, Dom Hemingway has been called a “second cousin to Nicolas Winding-Refn‘s Bronson” [RoS] a film I tremendously enjoyed. I love an interesting protagonist and Law’s Hemingway certainly seems like a character who’ll grab your attention and won’t let it go until the movie finishes. Hopefully, I’ll be on the side of the supporters when this one lands.

Dom will likely only arrive in a small number of theaters when it hits on April 4.

19. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Rise of the Planet of the Apes was a staggeringly successful revival of the 60’s sci-fi pop franchise and although it had some serious issues (pretty much all of the human characters were lacking), Andy Serkis and the WETA digital team knocked it out of the park. Gone were the hackneyed makeup jobs and inherent silliness found in later installments and Apes all of a sudden had a purpose again. This sequel sees the return of Serkis and features a whole new cast of human actors including the always reliable Gary Oldman, Keri Russell, Jason Clarke, and Kodi Smit-McPhee. Since the events of the first film, all out war has broken loose so it’ll be interesting to see things going ape shit against the backdrop of a post-apocalyptic human race.

I’m guessing this one will be my birthday movie with a July 11 release date.

18. X-Men: Days of Future Past

Since before superhero movies were even a thing, Fox has known they had something on their hands with the X-Men movie property and although not everything from the franchise has been great, their track record so far has been largely in the green, both financially and critically. So while just another X-Men movie might not quite be enough to really amp up the anticipation levels, the idea of combining the original cast of the first trilogy with the cast of X-Men: First Class, a film I adored, is enough to get my blood boiling. Just seeing that post credits scene of The Wolverine was enough to get me amped and I’m really hoping this is the superhero movie of the year.

May 24th will unveil whether X-Men is truly looking toward the future or has run out of steam.

17. Exodus

This won’t be the only biblical epic on the list (hint, hint) which means this, depending on how you look at it, will either be a good or bad year for Christians at the cinema. Exodus isn’t quite garnishing the same controversy that its biblical counterpart is at the moment but the fact that we have Ridley Scott behind the camera really means that anything goes. Scott has definitely been on a strange path of late and though many have laid claims that he’s become too out there with films like Prometheus and The Counselor, I’m very much interested in his recent career and find almost as compelling as his inauspicious beginnings. The always terrific Christian Bale will portray Moses (a strange choice physically but hell, is there anyone out there better than Bale?) as he leads Jewish slaves from Egypt.

Hoping to part the Red Sea and head straight for the Oscars with a December 12 release date.

16. Guardians of The Galaxy

So while I admitted that I’m fully expecting X-Men: Days of Future Past to be my favorite superhero movie of the year, I can’t deny that I’m very interested in Guardians of the Galaxy. For the first time since Iron Man, it seems that the Marvel folks are stepping outside of their comfort zone. With a talking raccoon voiced by Bradley Cooper and a talking tree courtesy of Vin Diesel’s gravely vibrato, this is surely the most risky endeavor Marvel has taken in quite some time and, hopefully, will be a welcome break from the monotony of their core Avengers films. Plus, with James Gunn (Slither, Super) behind the camera, we’re sure to be in store for something unexpected.

Alien superhero gang set to show up in 3D IMAX on August 1.

15. Sabotage

So you probably didn’t expect an entry starring Arnold Schwarzenegger so high on this list but, in this case, it’s all about director David Ayer. In 2012, Ayer delivered one of the finest and certainly the most unexpected picture of the year with the stunning End of Watch and ever since, I couldn’t wait to see what he cooked up next. Although the name Schwarzenegger has become more of a punchline since his tenure as the Governator, this film which co-stars underdogs Joe Manganiello, Mireille Enos, Josh Holloway, Terrence Howard, and Sam Worthington looks to be a revival for the badass that once was.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeHpSdQSH0c

Bursting down theater doors on April 11.

14. Big Hero 6

Marvel + Pixar = Big Hero 6. Yes, you heard right, Big Hero 6, although not so well known to the world at large, is a Marvel property being handled by the old big guns over at Pixar. Although Pixar has been on a slumping trajectory of late, the inspired idea to play in the superhero world just sounds like a recipe for success. Pixar already proved that they can do superhero fare with The Incredibles and, with it, have set themselves a high bar. I know it’s been a while since we’ve seen something truly original from Pixar and although this is an already established property, it’s unknown enough for them to have a true hand in creating something innovative and magnificent. They have a sandbox to play in, now let’s just hope they bring their imaginations.

A near holiday release with a November 6 opening.

13. The Raid 2: Berenthal

The Raid is one of the single most over-the-top ridiculous action movies I have ever seen and yet I loved every single second of it. I watched it in bed and found myself cheering. I mean, come on, when do you do that?! You’re in bed to relax, not jump up and down like a little kid. Well that was the effect The Raid had on me. I felt like a little kid again, watching The Matrix for the first time. Picking up right where the first one left off, The Raid 2 follows the trail of corruption unveiled in the first film. But let’s be honest, these movies aren’t about plot, they’re about bone-breaking action and so long as director Gareth Evans can keep things fresh we’re hopefully in store for another unforgettable action movie. Keep in mind, this is the second film in a planned trilogy so it’ll be interesting to see how much the world does open up and how self-contained the story is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MuXrN8L9ro

Debuting at Sundance, The Raid 2 will strikes American theaters on March 28 with nearly 2-and-a-half-hours of action.

12. The Monument’s Men

Originally slated for a Oscar-qualifying run in 2013, George Clooney‘s The Monument’s Men got pushed due to incomplete post-production work. While the move is enough to make some nervous, the fact that Clooney’s WWII caper has taken the often unforgiving early February slot is hopefully inspired by financial reasons and not suggestive of its lacking quality. But honestly, even a bad Clooney movie is pretty good and from everything we’ve seen from this so far, there is absolutely no reason to think that this is bad. In fact, it looks pretty great. The trailers have showcased the comedy of the thing, which in my opinion is a great step away from the stuffy high-nosery that could have come from a movie focusing on art and Nazis. Backed by Matt Damon, John Goodman, Bob Balaban, and John Goodman, how can this not be a score?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CreneTs7sGs

In may not be Oscar season with a February 7 release but could it have what it takes to stick around all year?

11. Transcendence

Wally Pfister makes his directorial debut with Transcendence, a story about a terminally ill scientist who synches his consciousness with a computer before he dies. Up to this point, Pfister has spent his career as a cinematographer, most notably for The Dark Knight trilogy and Inception, and hopefully his time spent with blockbuster guru Christopher Nolan has rubbed off in a serious way. Although I’ve approached anything with Johnny Depp in a lead role with trepidation over the past few years, this looks like it could be a return to form for the wacky actor.

Will land across the nation on April 18.

That’s it for today folks. Check back tomorrow for the Top Ten Most Anticipated Movies of 2014. (Which will actually have 11 films because of my miscalculation. Whoops.)

Follow Silver Screen Riot on Facebook
Follow Silver Screen Riot on Twitter

30 Most Anticipated Films of 2014 (30-21)

January 7, 2014 by Matt Oakes Posted in Lists Tagged Chef, Dumb and Dumber To, Edge of Tomorrow, Godzilla, How to Train Your Dragon 2, Jupiter Ascending, Lists, Locke, Most Anticipated of 2014, Only Lovers Left Alive, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, Wish I Was Here

With 2013 now in the rear mirror, it’s time to look forward into the new year and start placing our bets on what’s going to turn out best. As always, there’s a slate of big blockbusters on their way but I only have little interest in a bulk of these. For this reason, you won’t find the likes of Hunger Games, The Hobbit, Captain America: The Winter Solider, and the overpopulated The Amazing Spiderman 2 on this list. Rather, this is a collection of films that I feel could surprise me, entertain me, amaze me and really stick with me throughout the year.

Here is my most anticipated movies of 2014.

30. How to Train Your Dragon 2

Let me just start by saying I absolutely loved How to Train Your Dragon. Between the inimitable animation and heart-rending tale of unexpected friendship (and did I mention dragons galore?), it was probably the biggest surprise of 2010 (a year overflowing with out of the park animated films). While HTTYD has become a certifiable pop franchise, with a television show, plans for a second sequel and three short films already under its belt, I’m hoping that this second installment is able to capture the magic and heart of the film but fear that it will suffer the blow of sequelitis.

Releases wide in 3D on June 13.

29. Jupiter Ascending

After almost falling off the radar with the one-two punch of the Matrix sequels and the DOA Speed Racer, the Wachowskis returned to cinema in a big, bold way with last year’s Cloud Atlas, a film equal parts compelling, confusing, and, all around, courageous. Their latest, Jupiter Ascending, aside from sharing a strange, ethereal name shares the ambition found in Atlas and could potentially rise above being a B-grade sci-fi actioner. Aided by hot ticket items Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis, let’s hope that this reminds us of the stuff that put the Wachowskis on the map.

Set to debut July 18.

28. Chef

You never know quite what’s in store when Jon Favreau steps behind the camera but no one can deny that the man knows how to harness fun. Though critics widely panned Cowboys & Aliens, I sided with it, calling it for the fun, tongue-in-cheek genre mash-up a title like Cowboys & Aliens suggested. And though I had some severe issues with Iron Man 2, we gotta give Favreau credit for putting Iron Man and the MMU on the map. But that’s neither here or there as Chef is a large departure from Favreau’s big blockbuster fare of late and is more in tune with his sardonic comedies the likes of Swingers. Starring Iron Man himself, Robert Downey Jr, as a chef who is fired and turns to working at a food truck, the cast is loaded with his trusty Avengers sidekick, Scarlett Jonahsson, alongside Modern Family‘s Sofía Vergara, Dustin Hoffman, and naturally, Favreau. If things looks go down as they should, this looks to have all the ingredients for critical and financial success.

Expected to release May 9.

27. Dumb and Dumber To

It’s been 20 years since Harry and Lloyd rode a Vespa to Aspen singing Mockingbird and causing heart palpitations. This time, rather than recast the roles with two nobody actors, the original cast is back. Even better is the fact that in the time since their last outing, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels have gone on to lead really respectable dramatic careers. Seeing them return to their roots after a decade of serious stuff will hopefully make it all that much more sweet. While we all collectively try to forget about Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met (oh god I just can’t) let’s hope that they go and do something that totally redeems themselves.

Set for a November 18 release date.

26. Only Lovers Left Alive

Jim Jarmusch is pretty much the Elvis of indie film (just look at his hair), and it doesn’t hurt that his latest benefits from a killer duo in Tom Hiddelston and Tilda Swinton, so the fact that the man is now dabbling in vampires is enough to get my curiosity piqued. Add to that the fact that buzz out of Cannes and Toronto was nothing but glowing and Only Lovers Left Alive earns its place as the one vampire movie of 2014 that I won’t dread seeing. If all goes well with my flights (*fingers crossed*) this should be the first film I see at Sundance so a mere ten days away for me at this point. The rest of you will have to wait until April 11 or later.

Will play at Sundance and then open in limit theaters on April 11.

25. Wish I Was Here

Aside from having going down in history for having one of the best soundtracks ever, Garden State was widely loved by critics and audiences for its salty take on the transitory twenties. It was the kind of indie rom-com with heart and purpose that seems to escape so many filmmakers. So it’s no wonder that Zach Braff‘s sophomoric film (and it’s been ten years) lands on my list. The fact that Braff funded the film through his notorious Kickstarter campaign also means no studio interference so this is the untarnished piece bolstered by full creative control. Wish I Was Here follows Aidan Bloom, a struggling actor, father and husband, who at 35 is still trying to find his identity; a purpose for his life. Sound anything like Braff’s Andrew Largeman? I thought so. I guess we’ll see how close this one hems to being a thematic sequel to Braff’s celebrated debut.

Will premiere at Sundance. Wide release TBA.

24. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

I’m already kind of kicking myself for including this one but my lingering affection for Robert Rodriguez‘s first adapation of Frank Miller‘s crunchy graphic novel has twisted my arm. I can’t help but feel like this will be a throwaway follow up but the fact that Rodriguez and Miller have been working on this for ten years gives me a shimmer of hope that this will be the return to form the hit-or-miss filmmaker needs. Add to that the fact that Joseph Gordon Levvitt, Jeremy Piven, Eva Green, and Josh Brolin have joined a cast that already includes Sin veterans Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Eva Mendez, and Rosario Dawson and I’m left assuming that they must have at least a solid story under their belt. Here’s hoping.

A late summer release means more Sin City for August 22.

23. Locke

Locke debuted last year at the Venice Film Fest to near unanimous support and is yet another on this list that I’ll be catching at Sundance. Featuring the always triumphant Tom Hardy (The Dark Knight Rises, Bronson), Steven Knight‘s film is said to channel the minimalism utilized in the surprisingly fantastic Buried starring Ryan Reynolds. The film takes place entirely inside the car Hardy’s Ivan Locke drives while he takes a number of calls in a race-against-time scenario.

Another film featured at Sundance 2014, Locke will open April 25 in select theaters.

22. Edge of Tomorrow

Tom Cruise is dangerously close to the “he can do no wrong” page in my book so just anything with the grinny 5’7″ action hero has me turning my head. Add to that a cool sci-fi concept that mashed mech suits with a Groundhog Day playground and I’m very much listening. Although I prefered the over-the-top original title, All You Need Is Kill, to the watered down product that is Edge of Tomorrow, this could be the type of blockbuster needed to jump start our faith in blockbusters. While director Doug Liman has a bit of a spotted past (Bourne Identity = good, Jumper = no so much), everything from this so far looks pretty impressive.

With a June 6 release date, you better believe this’ll be your IMAX screening of the week.

21. Godzilla

After Roland Emmerich‘s failed 1999 Godzilla flick, it’s almost ridiculous to imagine that I would be anticipating the next stage of the lizard monster big screen return but here it is anyways. At first, the cast that includes Bryan Cranston, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Ken Watanabe had my interested piqued but it was really the uncharacteristically artistic approach seen in the posters and the excellent first teaser trailer that has me debuting this potential blockbuster so highly on this list. Back in his heyday, the iconic citystomper used to stand for something. His iconography is as engrained as Darth Vader or Sauron. I’m willing to bet that this Godzilla is going to put the Japanese monster back on the map in a big way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBwsUD7jYCI

A big blockbuster date with a May 16 tentpole release.

Tomorrow the list continues with my 20-11 picks