Superman Vs. Batman Archives - Silver Screen Riot

Zack Snyder’s much speculated on new film, Batman vs. Superman, released a non-Ben Affleck related news item today: Gal Gadot will be playing Wonder Woman. The internet responded with a collective, “Who’s Gal Gadot?” Speculation on her ability to carry the role has been expectantly absent, as she only has five film credits to her name, three of which have the words “Fast” and “Furious” in the title.

What does it say about the target audience for these films, when Ben Affleck’s announcement to play one of the most iconic vigilantes of all time is met with uproarious disapproval, but when an actress is announced for an iconic role, our only criteria is her hotness? Snyder gave his take on her, “Not only is Gal an amazing actress, but she also has that magical quality that makes her perfect for the role.” A magical quality? Spot on analysis, Zack.

I, for one, am glad they went with a more unproven actress. It should be exciting to see what other heroes are announced for the film, as this is quickly turning into the Justice League film that has been long anticipated. Plus, it’ll be the first time that one of DC’s most iconic superheroes will grace the screen – unless you count the x-rated 1979 spinoff, Superwoman, which starred Jesie James and has been called “a comedy porn classic.” Hopefully this will be a more, ahem, forward looking debut for Wonderwoman.

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Odds are you could probably care less what DC decides to title their Man of Steel sequel, which is set to pit the near invisible Superman again a PTSD-suffering billionaire who dresses like a bat and wears a lot of black makeup, but the latest list of possible titles is sure to induce the slightest of gags from the masses still with the truffley taste of Christopher Nolan‘s Battrilogy still lingering in our mouths. I’m of course not accounting for of bottom-tier puns (here all focused on swapping knight in for night, GET IT?!) who this batch of title treatments seems custom tailored for. The rest of us though can collectively sigh at the rampant stupidity taking place over at Warner Bros and the world of superhero sequel namers at large.

The runt of the new name litter is probably Man of Steel: Battle the Knight which sounds like the name of an animated title intended for 5-year olds yet to learn the idiosyncrasies of the language. Yank that colon out for Man of Steel Battles the Knight, or just go the next step for Man of Steel Battles the Dark Knight, and there’s at least something of interest that also reads like a normal sentence. As is, it sounds like the juvenile attempt of someone who secured an unflattering C in high school English.

Since the dawn of the Silver Surfer, the colon has become so overused in the blockbuster films that it’s essentially become a required part of a name for anything with a hundred million dollar plus budget. Even more important than the colon is the need to tack the word ‘dark’ somewhere in there (it’s just a no-brainer amiright?). This year’s Star Trek: Into Darkness is the best example of a misused colon couple with the useless inclusion of the word ‘dark’ (why not just Star Trek into Darkness or, more appropriately, Star Trek: Wrath of Khan: Part Deux). Thor: The Dark World is another great example of just throwing a colon and the word ‘dark’ at a title and expecting oohs and ahhs from wide-eyed fanboys.

As for this super DC conglomerate, there’s not much to this list of titles that catches my interest but, who knows, maybe people will just eat ’em up. What do you think of the following?

Man of Steel: Battle the Knight
Man of Steel: Beyond Darkness
Man of Steel: Black of Knight
Man of Steel: Darkness Falls
Man of Steel: Knight Falls
Man of Steel: Shadow of the Night
Man of Steel: The Blackest Hour
Man of Steel: The Darkness Within

At this point why don’t they just go with Man of Steel: Night of the Knight…oh wait. That actually has a nice ring to it. I think I’ve officially just spitballed a better title than WB’s collection of caffeine-slobbering goons jammed in a conference room somewhere, feeding from their 100k salaries.

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