When Hollywood stops being so goddamn lazy with its movie concepts, I’ll do the same and actually Google the movie listings. Until then, here are the movies that are Probably In Theaters:

DRAMEDY: Act of God

Act of God: “A catastrophic-insurance salesman learns to live life to the fullest after he strikes up an unlikely friendship with the pastor of the local church he’s trying to sell to.

ACTION: 400

400: “Because four hundred guys is still like, woah, that’s not many guys versus a lot more guys, but it’s also more guys than the first two.

HORROR: No Brainer

No Brainer: A wave of decapitations hit a local town and everyone is convinced they know who’s behind it. The only problem: they can’t agree.

THRILLER: Cloud 9

Cloud 9: “A sci-fi thriller where a software developer creates a cloud based storage system for happy memories—and then holds the world’s happiness for ransom when he threatens to erase them all.”

ROMANCE: Scott Free

Scott-Free: “Charming conman Scott always fools his target—until he falls in love with the one mark that just wants to get rid of him.”

BONUS: Star Wars Episode VII: Renewed Hope

Star Wars Episode VII: Renewed Hope: “JJ Abrams takes the wheel of the generally underwhelming Star Wars franchise to deliver a surprisingly fresh take on the series that nonetheless isn’t as good as movies that are actually good.”

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