post

There’s Somehow Even More Family And Furious Stupidity in Ridiculous ‘F9’

It might not have been until F9: The Fast Saga that the Toretto crew finally launched into outer space but the long-running Fast & Furious franchise left Earth’s rotations a long time ago. When Fast Five reconfigured what was possible for the crew of once-car-jackers and small-time criminals by making them larger-than-life master-criminals to whom the laws of physics bent the knee in surrender, all bets were finally off. Helmer Justin Lin had reached a pinnacle of the utterly ridiculous, high-octane bombast that fueled the car-based action films and laid the template for all that would follow. Fast would never be the same.  Read More

post

Muddled Mythology and Tepid Romance Combine to Make ‘UNDINE’ Low-Wattage Erotica 

Legend goes that the undine, an elemental race of water nymphs described in ancient European myths, are doomed to the fidelity of their beloved. Emerging from the water to love a man of their choosing and thereby become human, undine are beautiful but fragile creatures, cursed to die if their man isn’t faithful to them. The price of that infidelity? Death. Whereas many relationships end in taters when a beau is unfaithful, it’s literally kill or be killed for the undine and that goes doubly so in acclaimed German director Christian Petzold’s mythologically-rooted romantic drama Undine.  Read More

post

Franchise Fatigue Possesses ‘THE CONJURING: THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT’

The Conjuring extended universe is one of the – if not the most – preeminent examples of a modern horror franchise done correctly. Expansive, with spin-offs shooting off into this direction or that, and an absolute box office powerhouse (with almost two billion dollars in worldwide gross),  The Conjuring’s terrifying rein is vast. And yet with three separate offshoots, including a full-fledged Annabelle trilogy, and more on the way, the haunting force of the series that began in 2013 comes sputtering to a decidedly indifferent halt with The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It.  Read More

post

Formulaic Feel-Good Movie ‘DREAM HORSE’ Expertly Designed for Your Mom

Decidedly light matinee fare that has no qualms sticking to a well-trot winsome formula, Euros Lyn’s Dream Horse nonetheless breeds charm rather than contempt for its stick-to-the-formula approach. Based on the true story of a ragtag group of aspiring racehorse-owners from a Southern Welsh community who come together to breed and train a proper thoroughfare, Lyn’s film is designed for moms that like their movies “nice”. Read More

post

Even Quieter Sequel ‘A QUIET PLACE PART II’ Goes Places 

John Krasinski’s Lee Abbott may have bit the dust in the actor-turned-filmmaker’s directorial debut but that doesn’t stop him from returning in the opening moments of A Quiet Place Part II. The scene is set as Marco Beltrami’s foreboding soundtrack creeps into our senses as a ‘Day 1’ title card slips into frame. The end is nigh but no one knows anything about the devastation barreling their way. In fact, it’s just another beautiful summer day in Small Town America. The Abbot family and their tight-knit community gather in blissful ignorance at a little league game. Marcus (Noah Jupe) is up to bat when the sky erupts in flaming streaks. Something is coming. Families break off into nuclear clusters, rushing to their vehicles, heading home to regroup. Before anyone has any sense of what’s happening, monsters reign down, killing anything that makes a sound. A quiet place is born, in flame and in blood.  Read More

post

‘PROFILE’ or: How Not to Be a Journalist 

It’s a natural reaction to wonder how anyone could possibly be so stupid whenever you read a headline about young Western women seduced by ISIS recruiters. To throw everything away to, quite literally, get in bed with known terrorists is a path so head-scratching – an idea so objectively poor – that it literally escapes the realm of comprehension. And yet, countless such stories exist. Women who knowingly smuggled themselves into Syria and the not-so-warm embrace of the Islamic State, where a murderous patriarchal theocracy awaits their sacrifice, exist in the thousands. Their stories, sadly, usually end the same: attempts to escape, sexual enslavement, or being stoned to death. And though journalistic queries about the 5 W’s loom large, the who, where, what, and how of their recruitment fade beneath the pressing issue of why. Why would any woman choose this? Why would any woman subject themselves to the will of patriarchal terrorists? Read More

post

Deadly Jealousy Brews In ‘THE KILLING OF TWO LOVERS’

Sometimes the relationships we forge end up creating a box around us. As we get older, inflexibility sets in, constrictions grow like wild roots; weeds overtaking the garden, bad habits poisoning the well of familial trust and security. Psychological shorthand forces us to categorize and cement versions of ourselves and others: he is always this way, this is just what she does. The boxes can be tiring, maddening even, and at times impossible to break out of, no matter the sincerity of effort or number of attempts. The Killing of Two Lovers starts in a literal box. Framed at the square 4:3 aspect ratio of the silent-era and shot under the cautious eye of cinematographer Oscar Ignacio Jiménez, our characters are immediately imprisoned, stuck in a box of their own making; their own metaphorical jailers.  Read More

post

‘THE DJINN’ a Threadbare Supernatural Home Invasion Snooze

Little more than a collection of audio-visual horror movie clichès stitched atop a daddy’s-gone-for-the-night campfire tale, David Charbonier and Justin Powell’s The Djinn feels like a short film puffed out to feature length without the content sufficient to support said feature status. The film follows Dylan (Ezra Dewey), mute son to a late-night DJ and single father (Rob Brownstein) who decides to mess around with a haunted book and ends up summoning a djinn, which for the purposes of this film is basically an evil genie.  Read More

post

‘RIDERS OF JUSTICE’ and the Misguided Calculus of Revenge 

It’s almost Christmas time in Denmark. That magical time of year when family gathers, magic happens, and, if you’re Mads Mikkelsen’s military man Markus, the body count continues to pile up. In the Danish black comedic drama Riders of Justice, when a teenage girl asks her grandfather for a blue bicycle, flap flap flap go the wings of the butterfly and one thing leads to another resulting in the “accidental” death of Markus’ wife in a tragic train accident. Returning home to care for his grieving daughter Mathilde (Andrea Heick Gadeberg), Markus’ militant ways fail to provide the emotional comfort she needs and he lashes out at the world around him, a simmering strong and silent type in desperate need of some therapeutic activity.  Read More

post

Scottish ‘LIMBO’ Stuck Inside the Plight of a Syrian-Refugee Llewyn Davis 

A dark, curly-haired musician wanders through a blustery, frigid no-man’s-land in Ben Sharrock’s Limbo. The man in question is indeed not Llewyn Davis, though the similarities to that Coen Brother’s characters are noteworthy.  Both are men out of place, out of time even, assaulted by the realities of a society who not only doesn’t welcome them but struggles to see their humanity and worth.  Read More