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‘BALLERINA’ Floats like a Butterfly, Stings like a Flamethrower

Ana de Armas explodes into the JWEU (John Wick Expanded Universe) with the franchise-expanding spinoff Ballerina. Or, if we’re using the full, painfully cringe title, From the World of John Wick: Ballerina. (The first and last time that full phrase will be used, I promise.) And insofar as any John Wick movie is good, this one is right on par with what the franchise struggles with, what it does well, and what keeps people coming back for more. Armas stars as Eve, a would-be-assassin chica brought up in the same Ruska Roma assassin school as John Wick, bound by their rigid code of contract killer ethics, blood oaths, and golden tokens. It turns out that seeing her father brutally murdered in front of her as a child left a deep impression on her so Eve dedicates herself to this universe’s assassin’s creed of kill, kill, kill. That is until an assignment reveals the very cult responsible for tearing her family apart and setting her on her blood-lusty murder-for-hire path so many years ago. So begins a quest for vengeance that’s very on-brand for this particular revenge-fueled franchise. I am happy to report that no dogs were hurt in the making of this movie. Read More

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‘THE FRENCH DISPATCH’ Is An Inaccessible Patchwork of Withering Pretension

Structured like a New Yorker zine and just as wryly smug and pandering to the self-proclaimed intelligentsia, The French Dispatch is an ego-driven misfire for visionary director Wes Anderson who has done little more than projectile vomit his signature quirk on the screen in thick gobs, forgetting to actually make a movie along the way. Read More

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Out in Theaters: ‘THIRST STREET’ 

Look, I understand that Thirst Street, a Parisian-set drama-comedy-satire-horror-romance, is probably not on your radar but I’m here to explain why it ought to be and why you should see it immediately. Sure, this dingy little twist on foreign love gone wrong from Nathan Silver probably won’t get anything close to a wide release but if you’re looking for a hip AF cult flick to champion this fall, ready for an awkwardly charming and yet totally unnerving femme fatale and willing to receive the most demented “fuck dudes” obsession thriller this side of Gone Girl then Thirst Street has your name written all over it. Read More