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Michael Bay Returns with First TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION Poster

After Michael Bay‘s alleged retirement from the Transformers franchise, a little bit of fancy footwork from the Paramount studio (and by fancy footwork I mean Heisenberg-styled drums of cash) has the man back behind the camera for Transformers 4, which is now officially titled Transformers: Age of Extinction.

Although original-trilogy star Shia LaBeouf has stepped away from this fourth giant robot punching each other film, Bay has filled his shoes with wildcard Marky Mark Wahlberg. While there is no official synopsis yet from the studio, a “leaked” idea of the film, per RopeofSilicon, has the Autobots and Decepticons out of the picture: 

“As humanity picks up the pieces, following the conclusion of Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Autobots and Decepticons have all but vanished from the face of the planet. However, a group of powerful, ingenious businessman and scientists attempt to learn from past Transformer incursions and push the boundaries of technology beyond what they can control – all while an ancient, powerful Transformer menace sets Earth in his crosshairs. The epic adventure and battle between good and evil, freedom and enslavement ensues.”

Early reports point to the newest faction of shape-shifting-robots will involve a species known as the Dinobots who, you guessed it!, are dinosaurs/robots. While I’m all for injecting dinosaurs into the mainstream as often as possible, the fact that dinosaurs are, uh, extinct kinda makes them stick out more than, say, a 18-wheeler truck or a Toyota. It’s not like we’d walk down the street and think, “Nothing to worry about here. That’s definitely not a robot, just a T-Rex.”

 Transformers: Age of Extinction is directed by Michael Bay and stars Mark Walhberg, Nicola Peltz, Stanley Tucci, Kelsey Grammar, T.J. Miller and Sophia Myles. It hits theaters on June 27, 2014.

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ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE Trailer is a Joke

“It’s not scary,” reads my F review for All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, “It’s not funny. It’s not ironic. It’s white bread soaked in water. It’s such a dullard that it’s almost confusing. I really do think that [director Jonathan] Levine must have assumed that there was something ironic about doing exactly what we expected him to do but in reality, it works about as well as the Hindenburg. That is, it blew up in his face.” Thankfully, you now have a chance to judge this bottom feeder for yourself.

My biggest problem with the stilted horror film is that it seems to want to send up the genre but winds up doing nothing more than adhering to it tooth-and-nail, clinging to familiarity like a toddler’s first day at kindergarten. Starring Amber Heard as Mandy Lane, the story follows a young beauty of budding popularity who goes on a weekend excursion with the cool kids. As suggested by the trailer and the slasher premise of it all, people start dropping like flies.

The only reason that people continue to talk about this movie is because it was filmed all the way back in 2006 and has been kept shelved, only to resurface with the success of Jonathan Levine’s more recent work. Word of mouth has a strange way of bubbling up for no reason and withholding here has certainly seemed to work for All the Boys Love Mandy Lane. I will caution you to avoid the movie like scabies (full review here) but there’s no harm done in laughing along at the trailer. Trust me, there is nothing beyond the surface on his dead-eyed snoozer.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is directed by Jonathan Levine and stars Amber Heard, Anson Mount, Whitney Able, Michael Welch, Edwin Hodge, Aaron Himelstein, Luke Grimes, and Melissa Price. It finally opens in theaters, seven years later, on September 6.

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Out in Theaters: GETAWAY

“Getaway”
Directed by Courtney Solomon
Starring Ethan Hawke, Selena Gomez, Jon Voight, Rebecca Budig

Action, Crime
90 Mins 
PG-13

“Get in, get out” Getaway‘s tagline reads – an obvious parallel to the ideology that went on back in the writer’s room in this fart-and-hairspray fireball of a movie. Repping ADHD filmmaking at its most nauseous and nonchalant, Courtney Solomon (Dungeons and Dragons) directs Getaway like an 11-year old waving around a smart phone, clicking the camera on and off with no intent and no semblance of artistry. Each sequence leapfrogs between an unmeasured amount of angles, demonstrating Solomon’s lack of faith in his framing and making the experience of watching it akin to a scatter-shot montage lingering on for 90 minutes. It’s a grueling slog intent on leaving a wake of smashed-up vehicles – I counted 23 un-inventively totaled police cars, countless wrecked civilian automobiles and five exploding motorcycles – but not much else.

 
Even star Ethan Hawke‘s devilish charm couldn’t savage this Titanic of a sinking ship. Getting his leg snagged, Hawke is pulled down to the festering depths where the terminally “playful” mind of Solomon vacuously dreams of smashing and whooshing and banging and boom booms.

 
 

I’ve become an increasingly avid fan of Hawke’s – and found his work in this year’s Before Midnight to be the finest performance of 2013 to date – but he is saddled with some dialogue that’s so clunky that I feel I have to begrudge him simply for not outright refusing to say them at all. A late stage, “I know where she is!” (spoken to himself and no-one else) is the type of wrong-kind-of-laugh-inducing ringer that invites a level 5 face-palming. It’s just embarrassing for everyone involved and it’s nothing short of sad to see such a talented actor stoop to such lows.

I guess this brings us to what would be referred to here as the “plot”. Since about 95% of the film takes place inside a moving Shelby GT500, you can imagine that the plot lacking in both quantity and quality. Hawke is Brent Magna – a retired racecar driver, disgraced from the tracks for his recklessness and a tendency to destroy cars. On Christmas Day in Bulgaria (because where else would a disgraced racer want to spend the holidays?) his wife is nabbed by some faceless baddies and Magna is told that he’s got to drive a car into a bunch of stuff or they’ll kill her. Without a bat of an eye, Magna’s in the car, skidding his car into the midst of crowded parks, missing the mobs of holiday-cheerers by inches and thinking none the less of it.

The screenplay undercutting this vapid turd reads like a cheap, pointless and, worst of all, unasked for mashup of Saw and Fast and Furious. It involves a metric fuck-ton of driving, a heft of smashing, a dastardly villain who we only get to know by his (non-intimidating) voice, and a pinch of walking for good measure. Just kidding. We never once see Hawke move his legs, unless he’s a-shiftin’ with those racey feet of his. Like a road trip to hell with all the relatives we like least, we’re trapped inside the car for what quickly starts to seem like an eternity. The worst part of it all, Selena Gomez somehow snuck herself along for the ride.

 
 

But at least one consolation comes from this ten-car pileup of a film –  Gomez’s acting career can officially be swept under the rug once and for all. A young hacker known only as “The Kid”, Gomez is plainly more of a hack than a hacker. Name me one real life hacker whose idea of hacking means jamming their sausage fingers at an iPad with buttons like “Override” on the main screen and I’ll withdrawal my complaint. Perhaps hacking in the 21st century really is that easy but I seriously doubt it.

On the “hack” side of the equation though, there is overwhelming evidence that Gomez couldn’t act her way out of a bologna sandwich. There is not a single second (not the teensiest, tiniest crumb of time) where we believe that Gomez is capable of a tenth of the technological feats her character is supposedly carrying out. I could more easily believe that my friend’s dog Lucy could carve an ice swan than this curmudgeon do anything technical beyond tweeting a rave pic. Perhaps even more offensive are her completely unwarranted personality swings. Shifting on a dime scene-to-scene without any connection to past progress, Gomez can’t seem to keep her character straight. Never has it been so evident that a movie is not made front-to-back as Gomez seems incapable of keeping her arc linear without retreating into territory she’s already supposed to have moved beyond. 

 
 
 

Another character who gets the old writers block treatment is Jon Voight‘s strangely brewed criminal mastermind. With a nonspecific accent about as intimidating as a stale cupcake, and just about as flavorless, Voight’s grin is the only believable thing he’s selling here. Why? Because he’s laughing his way to the bank. His performance calls for so little that he may as well have been sitting in a sound booth and munching on bon-bons. That is the gist of his performance: sitting around, munching on bon-bons and grinning at the idiots handing him money to do it.

Like 70s exploitation without the sly, sarcastic sense of fun, Getaway leaves its trail of half-baked destruction but buries any sense of charmed wit along the way. Instead, this thriller on life support has its excitement pumped in at the rate of dial-up

internet. With only one long-shot in the entirety of the film worth mentioning at all, the result is so watered down that there’s hardly any taste left in it at all. Unfortunate proof that Solomon is a powder keg of a director, Getaway is little more than a generic waste of time and money. It may strike a chord for Shelby enthusiasts with a love-hate (but mostly hate) relationship with Bulgaria, but everyone else: do yourself a favor and steer clear.

D-

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James Spader Cast as Villain in THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

You can probably guess from the post-colon title of Joss Whedon‘s follow-up to the $1.5 billion  earning superhero collective that at some point a dude named Ultron is going to be involved. Heralded as a beloved Marvel supervillain, Ultron is a sentient robot, who will now be played by James Spader.

It’s yet unclear where Spader will solely be providing the voice for a CGI character or if he will someone be incorporated physically into his robo-counterpart but one thing is clear: this is a bit of inspired casting from the quip-slingin’ Whedon. Spader has a penchant for fast talking (Lincoln) but has also proved that he can be calculating, cold and completely lack sympathy (The Office). Put that talent behind Whedon’s knack for dialogue and I think you cook up a winning recipe.

While the suits over at Marvel are claiming that Ultron will have his own sort of origin story for the sequel, not necessarily pulled from the comics, his powers might be similar to those quoted on his Wikipedia page:”Common powers include superhuman levels of strength, speed, stamina, durability, and reflexes; flight at subsonic speeds; and various offensive weapons such as concussive blasts of energy fired from its optical sensors and hands, and an “encephalo-ray”, which places victims into a deathlike coma. The latter ray also allows Ultron to mesmerize and mind-control victims, or implant subliminal hypnotic commands within their minds to be enacted at a later time.”

The Avengers: Age of Ultron is directed by Joss Whedon and stars Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo, James Spader and Samuel L. Jackson. It hits theaters May 1, 2015.

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Matt Damon Joins Frickin' Stacked Cast in Nolan's INTERSTELLAR

 

You thought that Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar cast couldn’t possibly spend another dollar on its acting budget…but you were wrong. Hollywood A-lister Matt Damon has joined what can only be called a frickin’ stacked cast in the intergalatic sci-fi movie from the blockbuster king. Although Damon will reportedly only play a small supporting role – the shooting schedule only accounts for two weeks of Mr. Damon’s time – his presence is a massive pull in collecting one hell of an ensemble.

Damon was Nolan’s first choice to play the Harvey Dent/Two Face character in The Dark Knight, which eventually went to Aaron Eckhart, so it’s fair to say that Nolan has had his eye on Damon for quite some time. Damon joins Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Michael Caine, Casey Affleck, Ellen Burstyn, Mackenzie Foy, John Lithgow, Bill Irwin, Topher Grace, Wes Bentley, David Oyelowo and David Gyasi.

As I noted in a previous post:Nolan is noted for returning to cast members such as Christian Bale, who has starred in four films with him, Cillian Murphy, also in four, Ken Watanabe, four again, with Marion Cotillard, Tom Hardy and Joseph Gordon Levitt all having boarded The Dark Knight franchise after working with Nolan on Inception. This time around though, Nolan seems to be dropping his troupe of regulars and working with a whole new slew of talent. Most notably in Nolan’s stable though is Caine, who has been in all of Nolan’s films but one, who will continue that streak here again alongside fellow Dark Knight Rises cast member Anne Hathaway.

Interstellar is directed by Christopher Nolan and stars Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Chastain, Casey Affleck, Bill Irwin, Michael Caine, John Lithgow, Ellen Burstyn, Timothée Chalamet and Mackenzie Foy. It hits theaters November 7, 2014.

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First Trailer and Poster for Oscar Contender DALLAS BUYERS CLUB

Matthew McConaughey has really done a 180 on his career, spinning his public persona from a shirtless, rom-com beefcake to a quality contender in the Oscar race. The transformation from Failure to Launch McConaughey to Mud McConaughey has been a staggering one, with many saying that he deserved an Oscar nom last year for his ironic portrayal in the male-stripper drama Magic Mike. McConaughey’s latest, however, has him poised to receive his first nomination doubtlessly.

In Dallas Buyers Club, McConaughey fills the true-life shoes of Ron Woodroof, an average joe blindsided by with an HIV-positive diagnosis and given 30 days to live. While U.S. policy left those infected to essentially die, Ron sought out non-toxic alternative treatments from all over the world regardless of legality in a bid to save both his own life and those around him. While the government tried to stop him at every turn from selling non-FDA-stamped medicines, he created a “buyers club,” where his fellow HIV-positive people could access their much needed supplies. In short, he was a savior to those stricken to the immuno-virus, battling the government and fighting for his life.

A true life story, tragic subject material, and a physical transformation to boot all add up to a whopper of a nomination bid so don’t be surprised when McConaughey’s name starts popping over prediction boards the world over. Also, Jared Leto is a transvestite. So there.

Take a look at the trailer and see how serious of a contender you find in McConaughey.

Dallas Buyers Club is directed by Jean-Marc Vallée and stars Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Jared Leto, Steve Zahn and Dallas Roberts. It opens December 6, 2013.

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Out in Theaters: CLOSED CIRCUIT

“Closed Circuit”
Directed by John Crowley
Starring Eric Bana, Rebecca Hall, Julia Stiles, Jim Broadbent, Riz Ahmed, Ciarán Hinds, Anne-Marie Duff, Kenneth Cranham

Crime, Drama, Mystery
96 Mins
R

 

Closed Circuit is a faux-intellectual “thriller” cloaked in paranoia and government conspiracies that we’ve seen done in a more exciting manner many times before. It churns along turgidly, hoping to capitalize on anti-government sentiment but merely stirs up our desire to check our watches. Although there is a somewhat significant message buried in the narrative discourse, the fact that it’s only about one level deep does little to excite the imagination, much less inspire any sort of conversation exiting the film.

 
Calling it lazy seems a little disingenuous – as director John Crowley hardly seems to actively spur his audience’s sense of entertainment. Instead, he seems to have just forgotten about it. He seems to have wanted to create a conversational piece of work but it just didn’t pan out. The more suiting description of the film is that it is uninspired. Like a reheated plate of leftovers, we’ve seen these dishes served up before and they were better the first time around.
The narrative center of Closed Circuit follows Martin Rose (Eric Bana), a recluse lawyer working on a massively high profile case. In the aftermath of a London car bombing that claimed the lives of hundreds, Rose has been pulled on as the defense lawyer after his predecessor mysteriously committed suicide. Rose is teamed up with Claudia Simmons-Howe(Rebecca Hall) an ex-lover to put together the defense of an unassuming man stamped by the government as a criminal “mastermind”. Because of the high national security profile of the case, Simmons-Howe and Rose are strictly told not to discuss the secret details of the case with one another. But when Rose starts to suspect that the government is somehow involved in the whole kit-and-kaboodle, he realizes that their lives may be in danger.

In the mix of the scramble to figure out who is who and where trust can be placed, the film flexes a whole lot of beer-belly-tautness. Flabby scenes make for drooping excitement and it isn’t long before we don’t really even care whose life is in danger. All the babbling adds up to narrative fat that should have been trimmed and tidied before it scurried past the cutting room floor. Even with a run-time a touch over an hour and a half, a vacuum of suspense makes it feel like a much longer haul. Feet dragging its way to the finishing line, Closed Circuit doesn’t do enough to keep tensions high, and in doing so, jettisons any audience anxious for excitement.

While Bana was the sole reason I even made an effort to go see this film, as his diverse track record usually winds up more on the “hit” side of the dartboard for me, his effort here is hardly staggering. His portrayal of Rose isn’t a cop out but his character’s arc is just divinely uninteresting. Hardly moving far on the spectrum of character, he’s a man who we have to deal with more than one that we actively cheer for. Between casting concerned glances and trying not to act too concerned, he’s concerned with being concerned. Did I mention his concern? While the ultimate failure of this film can hardly be laid at Bana’s feet, I hope that he was the victim of the editing process and is as disappointed as I am in the final product.

 
 

Hall similarly is hardly of interest. Her character is a strong-female type with an upstanding moral code – a rote miscalculation of the empowered woman. She’s a bit of a question mark, albeit the familiar tropes thinly painted on her. We wind up not knowing much more about her than we did when she first appears on screen. Again, an arc is missing – another bit of paramount import thrown to the wind.

Even more frigid than these stoic cutouts is the chemistry between just about every actor sharing the screen. Hall and Bana just don’t seem to be clicking off each other, suggesting that any sort of prior relationship was as steamy as pistachio gelato. Even when they argue, the passion is absent. Dead eyes bounce off one another in scene after scene. Similarly the supporting characters rounding out the cast do little to amp up a sense of fullness.

Julia Stiles enters and exits without making a single impression, Ciarán Hinds tries to round out his unflattering role but his effort proves futile and Jim Broadbent is a shade of intimidation, although perhaps the most interesting performer onscreen just because he has a glint of something lurking behind his eyes other than concern.

Humming along like ants under a microscope, it becomes clear that the characters don’t really matter at all. They are just as much set pieces as the sound studios this was filmed in – scaffolding upon which to build a thinly veiled political message. But this deus-ex-machina doesn’t hold up under scrutiny. Even though concerns over surveillance and government corruption are timely positioned with outcry over NSA oversteps, Crowley fails to illuminate the subject in an intriguing light. Accordingly, he’s proved why so many people avoid politics, because not even a movie about the subject could avoid the inevitable yawns.

So Crowley’s greatest crime is that he’s crafted a bore-fest. Political angles wrought with finger pointing are undone by naive filmmaking that supposes politicking can alone triumph over genuine thrills. It’s a cold experience, unlikely to shake up anything but a big “meh” and a feeling that more than a mere hour and a half was wasted.

D+

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Damon, Clooney, Murray Cock Furrowed Brows for MONUMENTS MEN Poster

In George Clooney‘s latest everythingman vehicle (he wrote, directed and starred), The Monuments Men, he plays a solider/art appreciator tasked with gathering together a troop of soldiers, art historians and museum curators. Intent on rescuing priceless works of art from the grip of the notoriously burny Nazis, Clooney is joined by Matt Damon, Bill Murray, Jean Dujardin, Bob Balaban, Hugh Bonneville and John Goodman. Their goal: infiltrate Nazi-occupied Germany and France and pull out the gems of the past before history is destroyed forever.

 
The first trailer poised the film as something with more a comedic bent than most were expecting. Considering Clooney’s Midas touch when it comes to Oscar involvement though, I have a hard time believing that a well-measure dose of comedy will put a stop to it’s already rumpus Oscar chances.

The Monuments Men is written, starring and directed by George Clooney. It also stars Matt Damon, Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, Jean Dujardin, Bob Balaban, Hugh Bonneville and John Goodman. It hits theaters in the thick of Oscar season on December 18.

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Out in Theaters: ‘YOU’RE NEXT’

With last years Cabin in the Woods, screenwriter Joss Whedon and director Drew Goddard subverted the epoch of cabin-based teen slasher films, amalgamating the tropes of the genre in a style that was at once mocking and pedestalizing horror. In a way, they reminded us why the genre still mattered and what exactly about it was so much fun. In similar fashion, You’re Next employs gleeful violence and sardonic storytelling to solidify the paramount import of the horror’s existence. In viscous-smattered effect, it is bloody, simple, unadulterated fun at the movies worthy of strong consideration for any horror buff.

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Ben Affleck Officially Cast as New Batman

In a bit of astounding casting news, Ben Affleck has been tapped to play Batman in the yet-untitled Man of Steel sequel that involves the sparring world’s two preiminent superheroes. While speculation has been stirring amongst the interwebs since DC‘s announcement that this Zack Synder directed Superman/Batman film would be next on their plate, most reports pointed towards an older iteration of the hero last played by Christian Bale.

I can say with full assurance that the move to put Affleck in the batshoes is one that no-one, and I mean no-one, saw coming. Though Affleck is no stranger to superhero films – he played the eponymous character in the 2003’s lackluster Daredevil – his casting is certainly a move from left field. Early reports that suggested this version of the golden-aged hero would be older does however fit in line with Alleck’s 41 years of age.

While Affleck was certainly on the outs with the mainstream following his slow descent into crappy waters – I think we can all agree that we were done after Gigli – his star has been massively rising lately with his role behind the camera fueling said resurgence. Although his latest film Argo went on to win Best Picture at this years Oscar ceremonies, Affleck was hugely snubbed of a nomination, even though he went on to win practically every other Best Director award on the market. This hardly seems to be slowing Affleck down though. While this move into a hugely high profile blockbuster, in which he presumably will not be responsible for any of the work outside of the lens, is a risky maneuver for sure, it is a bit of a second chance for Affleck as a bankable actor.

If his performance in the role is seen as a success, he will surely re-solidify his place amongst the top of the elite A-listers but a Daredevil-sized flop could cause a change of the tide with people’s willingness to accept Affleck back into their good graces turning on a dime. Seeing that he’s on top of his game right now behind the camera, it surely seems like a chancy move on his part. That is, unless early reports that he was being vetted to direct the Justice League movie turn out to be true. If that is indeed the case, it would certainly make sense why Affleck was tapped, especially considering his penchant for putting himself front-and-center in the film’s that he directs.

Per the press release from the DC headquarters, Greg Silverman claimed that they needed the star power of a talent like Affleck:

“We knew we needed an extraordinary actor to take on one of DC Comics’ most enduringly popular Super Heroes, and Ben Affleck certainly fits that bill, and then some,”. His outstanding career is a testament to his talent and we know he and Zack will bring new dimension to the duality of this character.”

For now, all we know is that Affleck will be donning the Batsuit and fighting against, and eventually alongside, Henry Cavill as Superman. While an uprising of sorts is a sort of inevitability among the easily stirred up masses, this is the sort of risky business that you can at least respect for turning against expectation and giving us something to talk about for the coming months.

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