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Winners Announced for 2nd Annual Seattle Film Awards

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Courtesty of www.shouldiseeit.net, included below is the full press release for the 2014 Seattle Film Critic Awards, the winners list and the full run-down of nominees. As a voting member of the critical community, I’m thrilled to see my own preferences align with that of the Seattle film critic populace, going toe-for-toe with our number one pick from our Top Ten Films of 2014 list. The following release was authored by Should I See It?’s very own Mike Ward.

“Seattle, Wa. – Alejandro G. Iñárritu’s dramatic satire Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) was named the Best Picture of 2014 by the Seattle film community, as part of the 2015 Seattle Film Awards, honoring the best films of the previous year. Leading the pack with 11 nominations, Birdman walked away with five wins overall.

Designed to resemble a film shot with one continuous take, voters recognized the skill of the film’s innovative editing tricks and techniques, naming it the winner of Best Film Editing. Emmanuel Lubezki earned a second consecutive Best Cinematography win from Seattle critics (Gravity won last year), while Antonio Sanchez’s percussion-heavy score, disqualified by the Academy for blending classical music with original compositions, was named Best Original Score.

While no actors from the film won individual acting awards, Birdman’s cast featuring Michael Keaton, Edward Norton, Emma Stone, Naomi Watts, Andrea Riseborough, and Zach Galafianakis were awarded the Best Ensemble Cast award, while three of the four winning acting performances represented the lone victory of their respective films.

Jake Gyllenhaal’s blistering performance in Nightcrawler won Best Actor honors, while J.K. Simmons in Whiplash and Jessica Chastain in A Most Violent Year earned Best Supporting Actor and Actress, respectively. Rosamund Pike’s lead turn in David Fincher’s Gone Girl earned her a Best Actress win, while Gillian Flynn’s self-authored adaptation of her own best-selling novel landed a win for Best Adapted Screenplay.

Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel landed four wins for Production Design, Makeup & Hairstyling, Costume Design, and Best Original Screenplay. The film came into the Seattle Film Awards with 10 total nominations.

On the heels of its winning Best Picture (Drama) at the Golden Globes on Sunday evening, and viewed by many as a frontrunner for Best Picture at the Oscars in February, Boyhood earned Richard Linklater a win as Best Director.

Phil Lord and Christopher Miller’s inventive The LEGO Movie won Best Animated Feature Film, Steve James’ tribute to Roger Ebert, Life Itself, was named Best Documentary Feature, while Indonesian action sequel, The Raid 2 was a surprise winner for Best Foreign Language Film.

The winners for the 2nd Annual Seattle Film Awards are listed below:

Click here to see the full list of nominees.

THE 2nd Annual SEATTLE FILM AWARD WINNERS:

BEST PICTURE OF THE YEAR: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

BEST DIRECTOR: Richard Linklater, Boyhood

BEST ACTOR: Jake Gyllenhaal, Nightcrawler

BEST ACTRESS: Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: J.K. Simmons, Whiplash

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Jessica Chastain, A Most Violent Year

BEST ENSEMBLE CAST: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Wes Anderson, Hugo Guinness – The Grand Budapest Hotel

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: The LEGO Movie (Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, directors)

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: The Raid 2 (Gareth Evans, director)

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: Life Itself (Steve James, director)

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

BEST COSTUME DESIGN: The Grand Budapest Hotel

BEST FILM EDITING: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

BEST MAKEUP & HAIRSTYLING: The Grand Budapest Hotel

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

BEST ORIGINAL SONG: “Lost Stars” – Begin Again (Gregg Alexander, Danielle Brisebois, composers)

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN: The Grand Budapest Hotel

BEST SOUND DESIGN: Godzilla

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes

 

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Out in Theaters: BLACKHAT

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The only way to make sense of Blackhat is to imagine Hansel (of the Zoolander variety, not he of the breadcrumbs) taking an online computer science class, changing his name to Michael Mann and setting out to wow the world by going “inside the computer.” The result is 135 minutes of excruciating, unequivocal gobbledegook led by the most frigid onscreen couple since Joel Schumacher‘s Mr. Freeze squabbled with Poison Ivy.  To call it bad is a lie by degree; it’s impossibly poor. For over two simply unbearable hours, join Mann as he sullies his good name with a film so awesomely abhorrent you’ll be doubting that he (he of international critical acclaim and assorted Oscar nominations) ever stepped foot on set.

Unfortunately, Mann’s fingerprints are undeniably all over Blackhat. His signature wide-lens nocturnal cityscapes are too crisp to be the work of even a dedicated understudy. If we’re digging deep to give Mann points (something we really shouldn’t be doing for a movie this embarrassingly bad), at least those fleeting heli-shots of x or y city at night provides temporary respite from the narrative implosion happening all around it. With force, Mann throws down the gauntlet for a movie where the establishing shots are incontestably better than the actual goings on of the film.

The plot (if you’re generous enough to refer to this “RAT after cheese” hunt as a plot) consists of a rogue hacker con (Chris Hemsworth) furloughed by the FBI in an attempt to hunt down those responsible for bringing a Chinese nuclear reactor to the brink of a meltdown, old MIT buddies reunited under the most improbable of circumstances, a kid sister sidekick with eyes for the hunky Hemsworth and one ESL-lesson shy of a TOEFL-degree and evil hackers who lounge around with their pale bellies protruding. Blackhat pivots on the oh-so-exciting prospects of coding, stock manipulation and the DOW value of soy. And eventually tin. If only 1995 Michael Mann could hear how tinny it sounds.

Hemsworth isn’t to blame for the bed-shitting puddle of yuck that is Blackhat (though he could have tried a touch less humorlessness), nor is seasoned compatriot Viola Davis (though I’d like to have a word with her heavy-handed makeup artist). The other leads though – those of the Asian persuasion – seem culled from the international recycling bin. As the female lead, Wei Tang has less restraint than a local weatherman and her consistent jumbling of volume and cadence leads to some wonky audio issues that a finished, wide-release film should never encounter. The conversations are loud, then inexplicably quiet and then overbearingly tremble-y. Like someone sat on the audio control board and no one cared enough to fix it.

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But Blackhat is filled with those brush-it-off-the-shoulder moments, as it succumbs steadily to a tide of directionless, thoughtless bunk. The perceived mounting suspense-by-laptop is as exciting as waiting two hours to discover a broken roller coaster at the end of the queue. Or watching a friend play a video game. As in watching only them, without being privy to what’s happening on the screen. For two hours.

The second time that Mann dips into the computer circuits to spider around for an improbable amount of time, you know you’re in trouble. When the leads lunge at each other like caged rabbits, holding back hearty howls is as impossible as enjoying the film. It’s all the worst habits of bad filmmaking puked onto the screen and shown over and over again. If The Fifth Estate is a golden boy for laughable hacker drama gone wrong, Blackhat dares to one-up it.
 
When affairs get gun-fighty, you breathe a sigh of relief. “Well at least Mann knows how to shoot the hell out of a gun fight. We’re all set here guys. Right?” Wrong. One couldn’t predict how horribly clunky and straight-to-video the transpiring blaze of gunfire is if they had a crystal ball. It’s almost unreasonable to be expected to come to terms with the fact that the same Michael Mann who directed the infamously taut bank shootout of Heat filmed what is quite reasonably the worst wide-release gunfight of the 21st century. Hang your head heavy Mr. Mann, feel the shame waft over you. Either that or your captors should feel rather guilty (“Where is the real Michael Mann and what have you done with him?!”)

The hacker thriller is a tough cookie to crack and has led to more certifiably misfires than any other action subgenre I can summon (yes, even more so than the geri-action sort). The closest anyone’s ever gotten to a great hacker thriller is The Matrix, and I use the comparison softly because calling it a hacker thriller is me admittedly bending the lines. Michael Mann’s film doesn’t come close to great. It’s not even within the realm of good. It couldn’t see the periphery of good with 400x binoculars. To have his name attached to it is to bear a Scarlet Letter from this point hence. Insufferable and tacitly overlong, his shameful film is an early contender for being crowned worst film of the year. Play at being Neo for a day: dodge a bullet and skip Blackhat.

F

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Top Ten Movies of 2014

Let’s be frank: 2014 was a killer year for film. It was so murderous, you could call it Lou Bloom; so voluptuous, you could call it Eva Green. It was so sweet and sexy, you could call it Hello Kitty. If you were amongst the ranks of dissenters, whining on some Lazy-E-boy somewhere about how there weren’t enough Trans4mers movies or Hercules adaptations, you’re wrong. That’s all there is to it. 2014 popped cherries. It was violently mayhemious, hallucinatorily glorious, redonkulously fist-to-facey and totally, wholeheartedly, unapologetically weepy (yeah, I teared up more than once, what’s it to you?).

2014 was the year that Bill Murray aped a grump, Tom Cruise aped Bill Murray and Andy Serkis aped an ape. It was a kick-to-the-shinception of a year with title releases that saw anal polyps pop in sexplotitation flicks (Wetlands), hammer fights (The Raid 2), Ridley Scott falling on his face (Exodus: Gods and Godhelpmethismovieisbad), doppelgängers galore (Enemy, et al.), hungry games (some that involved auto-cannibalism, some that didn’t), Christopher Nolan falling on his face (Inter-mitently-stellar), STDemons (It Follows), Walrusfurmations (Mr. Tusk, Tusk, Mr. Golden Tusk) and lots and lots of bloody bloody vengeance (too many to list.)

It told the tales of Martin Luther King (Selma), of James Brown (Get On Up), Stephen Hawking (The Theory of Everything), Alan Turring (The Imitation Game), John Du Pont (Foxcatcher), Cheryl Strayed (Wild), Noah (Noah), Roger Ebert (Life Itself), Robyn Davidson (Tracks), Alejandro Jodorowsky (Jodorowsky’s Dune), Maziar Bahari (Rosewater), Jimi Hendrix (All is By My Side), Dido Elizabeth Belle (Belle), Joe Albany (Low Down), Cesar Chavez (Cesar Chavez), Abraham Lincoln (The Better (more like worse! heyooo!) Angels), and a dude named Sky Lord.

This 14th year of the 21st century crammed every element possible into the indie box, shook it up and spurted it out like spicy hot cream. From sci-fi (Space Station ’76, Young Ones) to DIY game shows (Cheap Thrills, Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter), road trips (Chef, The Trip to Italy) to Twilights Zones (The One I Love, The Double), there was more buried treasure than a pirate map. Trouble is, with all these untrumpeted indie releases, you often do need a map to find them.

Maybe the fact that I attended three film festivals (Sundance, SXSW and SIFF) and was able to eke out some hidden gems that would go on to sneak past most audiences (and critics. Poor, lonely, lonely critics) helped me come to the assertion that 2014 rocked the socks off of c*cks but even without those underground, super covert, keep-them-secret-keep-them-safe riches, 2014 had a trove of wide-releases to match.

Those who guard galaxies, John Wicks, men with X’s in their names, Hobbitses, noir Liam Neesons, Godzillas and lobby boys all helped transformed the mass media cinema culture of 2014 into one worth remembering, even in the face of a fast approaching year that will see Han f*cking Solo behind the wheel of the Millennium f*cking Falcon.

Honorable mentions won’t be ticked off as we’re in the process of cranking out a top 100 movies of 2014 list and that does more than the duty of a normal man’s honorable mentions section. So ten tops and ten only. No funny business. No ties. No b*llshit. So strap in, check yourself before you wreck yourself and let’s make a f*cking list.

 

10. ENEMY

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If 2014 was a year about blowing minds, none did it more casually and assuredly than Denis Villenue‘s total tonal WTF-fest Enemy. Starring not one but two Jake Gyllenhaals, Enemy tracks a man coming to terms with his own fracturing identity. Or did it? This existential experiment about giant spiders, locks’n’keys, balls’n’chains, dreamscapes, unrelenting ambiguity and twinsies might at first appear to be a bundle of malarky but once you dig your heels into it and break it down like a certifiable horse whisperer, everything miraculously makes sense. Not necessarily in a 5+5=10 kind of makes sense way but I’m willing to content that I have an explanation for this film (that I won’t divulge here) that will convincingly put the many aggressively jigsawed pieces into satisfying place. As the unholy apex of violently disorienting endings, there’s yet to be a movie this year that tops the complete and total f*ck you that Enemy seemingly ends on and yet, going back over it all with a fine-toothed comb (or a scalpel, it’s really up to you) it’s a masterpiece of a mind-game that isn’t as unsolvable as the casual observer may assume. For blowing my mind and allowing me to eventually recover it, Enemy sneaks into the tenth spot.

“What occurs as Enemy progresses is quaking, the earth below your feet seems to tremor faster and faster, moving its way up the Richter scale. A floating Tarantula as big as a Goodyear blimp slinks its way over Toronto. A woman’s body with a Tarantula’s head walks upside down through a corridor. At 90 minutes, it shrinks and expands the mind, then ends abruptly with no questions answered. Enemy is a rollercoaster personally designed by the Devil. Twist and turn, crash and burn.” (Full Review)

9. THE GUEST

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Heading into last year’s Sundance Midnight Premiere of The Guest, I had nothing to go on save for the above image – an armed, robo-faced Arayan slipping through a blood-red colorscape with all the wrong kind of intent. The film that followed knocked me out (and this is after seeing five (!!!) films already that day). The Guest left me humming and high on transcended genre thrills, shellshocked from grenades and ringing in the ears from some large caliber weapon or other. I was hooked like a junkie on that sweet blue sky. Dan Stevens is a dream in the eponymous role, guiding us through Adam Wingard‘s hallucinatory and unapologetically violent landscape with the cold-hard gusto of a seasoned pro, forcing smiles, guffaws, sneers and drop jaws in equal, calculated doses. The concept of the film could be reduced to “What if Bourne malfunctioned?” and the result manages to feel fresh, even through curtain after curtain of homage. When I caught The Guest for a second time, I found that my initial enjoyment hadn’t been stayed so much as intensified – this was clearly one of the most entertaining films of the year and for it, has earned a spot on this list.

“Slam Drive and Stocker together, rub them down in a spicy 80’s genre marinate and sprinkle with mesmerizing performances and dollops of camp and you have The Guest. Like a turducken of genre, Adam Wingard‘s latest is a campy horror movie stuffed inside a hoodwinking Canon action flick and deep fried in the latest brand of Bourne-style thriller. It’s clever, tense, uproarious, and hypnotizing nearly ever second.” (Full Review)

8. DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

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There were no blockbusters this year that came close to topping Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. I mean, the freakin’ thing had apes firing automatic weapons on horseback. And tanks. And some of the most harrowing depictions of war ever set to screen. And tanks. That’s because Reeve’s film dealt with the idea of the anatomy of war and of a war mentality with a kind of sobering ideology that so few blockbusters dare to touch. It’s war sans glory. There are no heroes, just a bunch of wounded f*ck-ups. Andy Serkis‘ monkey-work was arresting as always (green screen bling king) but it was Toby Kebbell who stole the show as the year’s best villain, the emotionally-and-physically scarred Koba. There were few scenes this year that were more powerful than when all-out warfare erupts at the hands of Koba. That 360 tank sequence was a dream within a nightmare but when Koba literally drags an unwilling soldier to his death, you realize that the dreams of revolution can only be written in bright red streaks. These were haunting moments of filmmaking somehow stuffed into a PG-13 movie about monkeys ruling the world. What the hell? But even when you strip back all the ambitious themes of the film, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is still a mighty entertaining piece of blockbuster fare with unbelievably perfect FX work and stunning camera work. It really does work on every level.

“As Reeve’s film leaks historical allegories like a zesty geyser, his political astuteness pans to a smart dissection of why we choose war in the first place. War is a side effect of fear, fear a scar of misunderstanding. Koba’s are scars that cannot be healed. Dreyfus won’t stand for Three-Fifths of a vote. Peace is a process. Wars start inevitably. It’s not that these two civilizations could not peacefully co-habitate, it’s that sometimes a punch in the face seems like a more swift resolution than drawn-out talks.” (Full Review)

7. THE RAID 2

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And then there’s Gareth Evans borderline genius The Raid 2; an action movie that makes guns look p*ssy-shaped in the face of a fury of hand-to-hand combat, that unloads scene after scene of inhumanely choreographed fistsplosions and that delivers perhaps the best martial arts movie of all time (or at least of the last decade). What this second Raid movie has over the first is a good story, and a damn good one at that. Like Internal Affairs and The Departed before it, The Raid 2 tells the tale of a deep cover agent, set with all the angsty check-behind-the-lamp paranoia and grueling psychological breaks that such a position demands. But that doesn’t really matter once the car chase scene rolls around and is filmed by a dude disguised as a seat cushion. Evans – who wrote this before he wrote and directed the first film – doesn’t skimp on the narrative gooeyness and when he eventually launches into a balls-to-the-walls orgy of violence that’ll have your blood pumping in ungodly, death-inviting spurts, you’ll know that you were born to behold this film. It’s just all so righteous.

“To try to boil down what is so sublimely excellent about The Raid 2: Berandal is a futile exercise in tilting at windmills. It’s like boxing a griffin, outthinking a Sicilian, or KY-Jelly wrestling an anaconda. Instead of trying to describe the irrepressible satisfaction this balls-to-the-walls, smarter-than-your-dad actioner elicits, instead conjure up what it felt like to lose your virginity, if you lost your virginity in a ten-on-one man brawl in a pit of mud.” (Full Review)

6. BOYHOOD

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Boyhood topped my most anticipated list for 2014 and for some time, I considered it my favorite film of the year. There is something undeniably magical about watching young Ellar Coltrane grow up before our very eyes in Richard Linklater‘s ambitious 12 year experiment and that something makes for a film that demands our uninterrupted empathy like few others have. It truly gave me all the feels. Some have confused Linklater’s long-gestated gimmick as a form of indie-cred beating off where it’s really just offbeat genius. Watching Boyhood for the second time didn’t ignite all the fiery passions that it had the first so it’s lost a little traction throughout the year with me, but nothing can make me forget that first magical experience I had with it, sitting amongst the first audience to behold its glory in a giant Sundance screening room. Revisiting the oh-so-true growing pains of adolescence was heart-rending enough but Boyhood really thrives in the quieter moments where we just sat back and watched an unextraordinary young boy mature, awkwardly bragging about hooking up with a girl from out of town, huffing back on a doobie and having the cavalier gaul to admit his highness to his mom, chatting with his dad about girls and Star Wars. It may be the film on this list that I’ll re-watch the least, but it shouldn’t be.

“Calling it a coming-of-age story feels slight as Boyhood tracks the joy and pain of growing up, one delicate moment at a time. We find ourselves in Macon, a perceptive youth, in his strength and in his weakness, in his whiny teenage angst and his youthful abandon, in his quasi-stoned prolific moments of reflection and his meekest helplessness.” (Full Review)

5. FURY

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I’m willing to admit that David Ayer‘s Fury is a bit of a mess. Then again, aren’t most of Tarantino’s films? (If you say no, I’d like to direct you to the Django Australian miner scene…) Django was my favorite movie of 2012 because it was big and weird and overwritten. And dazzling and savage and brilliant. It was great not in spite of its giddy flaws but because of them. Fury shares the same traits. Somewhere in the midst of it, the crew settles down to an impromptu dinner party (a scene that has divided critics and audiences alike). It sticks out from the rest of the movie like a sore thumb and yet is one of the most beautiful, affecting scenes of 2014. Then Ayer follows that up with Fury‘s tracer-fire highlighted Tiger tank battle and you can forgetaboutit. It’s a movie that works scene-to-scene maybe a touch better than it does as a whole but as an assemblage of scenes, Fury is a big, beautiful, bent out of shape ball of fire and I unabashedly loved it. Ayer dares to air out old things in new light (war as a job. As a mostly shitty but sometimes awesome job) and his film features the best ensemble cast work of the entire year. Push back all you want, Fury is here to stay.

“To boil Ayer’s masterful Fury down to “war is hell” is to ricochet off the mark. To call it a movie without subtext is to poke holes in a block of swiss. The themes stare you in the face, they thump into your cranium and they sick in your soul. They bear witness to wartime masculinity pig-piling on itself in a nasty, self-fulfilling  prophecy that causes and perpetuates war. The rally speeches become just as dangerous as the nuclear weapons. The hoorahs build into their own Manhattan Projects.” (Full Review)

4. NIGHTCRAWLER

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We’re getting down to the big ones at this point and there’s perhaps no movie bigger, bolder and more bonkers this year than Dan Gilroy‘s Nightcrawler. From the very moment we stumble upon Lou Bloom, the sociopath with a banker’s name, everything feels like a happy accident, as if Gilroy’s camera just happened upon this X-manly-purported slip of a human and decidedly followed him like a nightly news crew. But there’s no accidental filmmaking in Nightcrawler (there are many accidents, though mostly of the vehicular kind) and as Gilroy bends his titular Nightcrawler into bigger and odder shapes, he makes room for one of the most important and mind-altering filmic trips of the season. With the borders filled in by revivalist performances from Rene Russo and Bill Paxton – and a whole chunk of space dedicated to Riz Ahmed‘s consciously unconscious thespian discharge – Gilroy’s perfectly written diatribe to greed and America’s obsession with suburbian horrors becomes the most arresting and visceral thematic account of where we stand as a nation and featured the best performance of the year in Jake Gyllenhaal. Greed is good is dead. Long live all is greed. Long live Lou Bloom. Long live Jake Gyllenhaal.

“With a name as innocuous as Louis Bloom, you wouldn’t initially suspect the lead character of Nightcrawler to be so dangerous. But the virulent Lou is the kind of guy who dissolves into shadows; who feeds vampirically in the darkness. He’s not a villain so much as a force of nature. Silent but deadly. Throughout the film, Lou’s facial expressions percolate with a kind of serpentine other-worldliness. As if his tongue could dart from his mouth at any moment to nip at the night air. It doesn’t. He remains squarely within the realm of the human. No matter how inhumane he is. A testament to Dan Gilroy‘s narrow degree of restraint and Gyllenhaal’s tightrope-walking ability.” (Full Review)

3. WHIPLASH

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The fourth (and final) entry to this list that I caught at Sundance 2014, Whiplash knocked me on my ass. Adapted from an award-winning short film, Damien Chazelle‘s Full Metal Jazz Kit is a whirlwind of genre. It’s a sports movie blanketed in a war movie and punched in the face by a character study. JK Simmons roars as a drill sergeant of a conductor and we gratefully whimper in response. His performance is monsterous and marked by some of the best one-liners of the year (“That’s not your boyfriend’s d*ck; don’t come too early). Whiplash is a film that’s all about keeping tempo and getting walloped when you don’t. That beady stare that Fletcher’s perfected promises a hearty verbal wallops if not a lashing or two from those unnaturally muscled 60-year old guns. Like the most studious graduates of the school of hard rocks, Chazelle keeps tempo like Buddy Rich, chugging us along to a grand finale that is nothing short of grand. Really, really f*cking grand. If you don’t want to explode up from your seat with hands full of applause at curtain time, you’re probably deaf. Or at least tone deaf.

 “Through Chazelle’s assured hand and Blacklist-topping script, Whiplash is fantastically dynamic – a perfect ode to that musical constant acting a central catalyst to the film’s narrative. While students get smacked for being the slightest bit off tempo, Whiplash is unmistakably paced to precision –  the loving design of a satisfied perfectionist.” (Full Review)

2. GONE GIRL

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Ben Affleck‘s grin can eat shit like none other and only a genius like David Fincher could cast on a grin alone. If there’s but one linchpin moment to Gone Girl (there’s so many) it might be his solitary poo-scarfing beam. Planted next to his wife’s missing poster, smirking like a grinch, the man looks a positive jackass. And this is the brilliance of Gone Girl – to present two sides and make us uncomfortable choosing either. As much a dissection on media as it is on marriage, Gillian Flynn‘s adaptation of her own novel presents a darker Amy and a less reasonable Nick. In this dark tale, no one gets away with being called “amazing”. Backed up some of the best score work of the year (Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor solely backing Fincher’s horse is just too perfect to be true) and one-upped by the preeminent kill of the year, Gone Girl is a masterclass stroke of jet black intelligence.

“Always going, going, gone, David Fincher absolutely knocks it out of the park. Gone Girl is one of the best, and darkest, visions he’s ever dished up. Always one step before the action, Fincher demands we race to catch up. Each shot ends just marginally too quickly. His vision is frantic by design. Things get lost in the dark that are never recovered. You just have to pretend along with it.” (Full Review)

1. BIRDMAN

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Ka-KAW! Number one. Explosions in the sky. Theater in the streets. Birdman is the most relevant, important and downright entertaining film of the year. Kind of a comedy, kind of a drama and 100% a showcase of actors doing their best acting, Iñárritu’s jeremiad on the death and resurrection of art in the 21st century is as bitingly funny as it is boldfaced misunderstood. Existentialism has never seemed so moody and hysterical as Michael Keaton, Edward Norton and Emma Stone tear up the world stone-by-stone and try and piece it together to fit their narrow-minded narratives. Their undressings are their undoings and Iñárritu shoves the camera oh-so-perfectly down their throats. No film this year played with the mounting importance of social media, the unbecoming preeminence of superhero culture and the distressing role of celebrity status while meticulously piecing together a construct of high art like Birdman was able to and from the no-cut gimmick to a firing-on-all-cylinders ensemble cast, Birdman left me as intellectually rock hard as Mike Shiner on dress rehearsal night. No need to fade to black, this is what movies are made for. Period. The end.

“Steeped in an exacting degree of irreverent relevance, Iñárritu’s able to pull off the rare feat of raising existential questions in the same scene that he blows up a cityscape. It’s like seeing Black Swan and A Beautiful Mind fist-fighting in a Charlie Kaufman play; a crossroads of cinema and theater that’s entirely novel and entirely brilliant.” (Full Review)

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So there you have it. Ten magical films to cherish from henceforth until happily ever after. Ten Bountiful beauties that will transport you to a better (or worse) place, regardless of your potentially feeble headspace. No need to thank me, just doing my critic-y duty. If you happen to disagree, I’m willing to afford you one spoonful of words. Anything more than that is a waste of breath and probably warrants a punch in the mouth.

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Weekly Review 68: ALEXANDER, LEAVE, PREDESTINATION, INTERVIEW

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Having just tied a tidy little bow on 2014 with our Top Ten Movies of the Year article, there is still always that sense that you missed something. Still in the midst of compiling that infamous Top 100 list, we took to scourging through some of those that slunk under the radar for one reason or another as well as a controversial new release and the first (surprisingly good) 2015 of the year. So buckle up because where Weekly Review‘s going, we don’t need roads (primarily because it’s a website.) 

ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY (2014)

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Up at 30,000 feet and on those marginally-larger-than-domestic-flights screens, the more down-the-middle the film, the better. So I thought I’d knock out a 2014 family film that had most people shrugging and saying, “Eh, it wasn’t as bad as I thought.” So I guess this one’s on me and them both. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is just about as bad as I thought it would be. It’s almost as bad as its terrible, horrible, no good, very bad name. Utterly stifling the comedic talent of Steve Carrell, this “comedy for the whole family” has as few little snickers as it does laugh out loud moments. In fact, I don’t remember laughing once. It’s comedy by committee, paying a blind eye to the many, many missteps it takes along the way. It’s a mess of stale, cliched physical comedy with a hackneyed message so elementary and diluted that it’s hard to not scoff. (D) 

THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU (2014)

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An enviable collection of comedians align for This Is Where I Leave You, a dark dramedy about a family assembled to sit Shiva after their father passes away. Rose Bryne joins Jason Bateman, Tina Fey, Adam Driver and Corey Stoll with Kathryn Hahn, Timothy Oliphant, Connie Britton andsam shepard Jane Fonda rounding out the cast. Working from a script from Jonathan Trooper – who adapted from his own novel – the variable Shawn Levy is in his element, gently parsing clever comedic beats into the earnest atmosphere of familial woes. It never quite goes the distance – particularly with Fey’s character arc – and some of the bits land awkwardly but as far as general release dramedies go, you could fare far worse. Also, Adam Driver. (C+)

PREDESTINATION (2015)

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Time travel movies are easy plot-hole kerfuffle territory and Predestination has its fair share of gapers and yet, it’s kind of magnificent. Surely the first act could have been handled with more grace and, frankly, felt less mandatory than it does but once you start to piece together the puzzle (something that happened for me far before the movie found it necessary to make every plain-faced obvious) the experience begins to unfold into something explicitly rewarding. Add an understated performance from Ethan Hawke and an uncommon intelligence and you have a product that’s well worth a watch, gapers and all. (B-)

THE INTERVIEW (2014)

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Somehow, The Interview has become one of the most important, talked about movies of the year and for good reason. It became a battleground for freedom; the metaphorical doorstep to international censorship the likes of which even Mitt Romney was willing to speak against. It’s a damn shame that the actual movie – the one behind all this “we’ll nuke ya” drama – isn’t very good. In it, James Franco is on fire but in all the wrong kinds of ways. Like a self-immolating junker ten feet too far from an extinguisher. His melon-headed character is obnoxious and petty and occupies so much of the breathing room of the film that it’s unable to show any other signs of life. As a big fan of the Seth Rogan-Evan Goldberg fast-food combo, I thoroughly expected myself to jeer through the dumbness of another This is the End. Instead, I just got honey-potted. (D+)

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2015 Oscar Nominee Predictions

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2014 has been one big toss up for Oscar contenders. With the release of nominees from the Golden Globes (winners now), SAGs, the PGAs, the ADGs, the ASCs, the WGAs and the BAFTAs as well as AFI Top Ten, LAFCA, NYFCC and more things have been shaping up into more and more of an unconventional top crop for contenders. Front runners Boyhood, The Imitiation Game, Birdman, The Theory of Everything, The Grand Budapest Hotel and Selma look to nab nominations across the board while darker films like Nightcrawler, Gone Girl and Whiplash are looking more and more likely to be amongst the conversation as serious players.

However hazy some of the later-down-the-list nominees might be, the front runners and potential winners are looking more locked up than they do most year before the nominations are even announced, with few big battleground categories. You could assuredly put your money on a Richard Linklater win for Best Director, Michael Keaton for Best Actor, Julianne Moore for Best Actress, JK Simmons for Best Supporting, and Patricia Arquette for Best Supporting Actress. Wes Anderson‘s script for Grand Budapest Hotel looks like a shoe-in win while Gillian Flynn hopes to score Oscar gold for Gone Girl.

I would bet money on a second Emmanuel Lubezki win in a row (Gravity, now Birdman) for Best Cinematography, even though it’s looking like a crowded field. This happens to be the case with many of the technical fields. Just too few slots for too many contenders. Those categories that I really feel like I’m just taking a shot in the dark at are Best Song, Sound Editing/Mixing and Best Visual Effects (which could go many, many ways.)

Otherwise, I’m just hoping that my Best Picture contenders are on the money since if things go the way I’m thinking they will, we’ll have one of the best Best Picture collections in recent history.

BEST PICTURE
Boyhood
The Imitation Game
Birdman
The Theory of Everything
Selma
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Gone Girl
Whiplash
Nightcrawler

BEST DIRECTOR
Richard Linklater “Boyhood”
Alejandro G. Inarritu “Birdman”
David Fincher “Gone Girl”
Ava DuVernay “Selma”
Wes Anderson “Grand Budapest Hotel”

BEST ACTOR
Michael Keaton “Birdman”
Eddie Redmayne “The Theory of Everything”
Jake Gyllenhaal “Nightcrawler”
Benedict Cumberbatch “The Imitation Game”
David Oyelowo “Selma”

BEST ACTRESS
Julianne Moore “Still Alice”
Reese Witherspoon “Wild”
Rosamund Pike “Gone Girl”
Felicity Jones “The Theory of Everything”
Jennifer Anniston “Cake”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
JK Simmons “Whiplash”
Mark Ruffalo “Foxcatcher”
Edward Norton “Birdman”
Ethan Hawke “Boyhood”
Robert Duvall “The Judge”

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Patricia Arquette “Boyhood”
Emma Stone “Birdman”
Keira Knightley “The Imitation Game”
Jessica Chastain “A Most Violent Year”
Meryl Streep “Into the Woods”

BEST EDITING
Whiplash
Boyhood
Birdman
Gone Girl
Interstellar

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Wes Anderson “Grand Budapest Hotel”
Alejandro Inarritu et al “Birdman”
Richard Linklater “Boyhood”
Dan Gilroy “Nightcrawler”
Ava Duvernay, Paul Webb “Selma”

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Gillian Flynn “Gone Girl”
Graham Moore “The Imitation Game”
Nick Hornby “Wild”
Damien Chazelle “Whiplash”
Anthony McCarten “The Theory of Everything”

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Fource Majeure
Ida (Poland)
Leviathan (Russia)
Wild Tales (Argentina)
Tangerines (Estonia)
 
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Birdman
Mr. Turner
Grand Budapest Hotel
Unbroken
Interstellar

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
Grand Budapest Hotel
Interstellar
Into the Woods
Birdman
The Theory of Everything

BEST SOUND MIXING
Into the Woods
Interstellar
Whiplash
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Transformers 4

BEST SOUND EDITING
Whiplash
Into the Woods
Interstellar
Birdman
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Into the Woods
Grand Budapest Hotel
Mr. Turner
The Imitation Game
A Most Violent Year

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Gone Girl
Interstellar
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Theory of Everything
The Imitation Game

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Citizenfour
Life Itself
Jodorowsky’s Dune
The Overnighters
Last Days in Vietnam

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
The LEGO Movie
Princess Kaguya
How to Train Your Dragon 2
The Boxtrolls
Big Hero 6

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Interstellar
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Guardians of the Galaxy
Godzilla
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

BEST MAKEUP & HAIRSTYLING
The Theory of Everything
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Foxcatcher

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
“Glory” (Selma)
“Mercy Is” (Noah)
“Opportunity” (Annie)
“Yellow Flicker Beat” (The Hunger Games: Mockingjay — Part I)
“Miracles” (Unbroken)

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50 Most Anticipated Films of 2015

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2014 was a hell of a year for film, though after just glancing at 2015, this new year looks to be downright insane. With new franchise films like Star Wars, Mad Max, Bond, Hunger Games, Jurassic World, Furious 7 and Avengers and films from directors like Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino, Alejandro González Iñárritu, Danny Boyle, David O’Russell, Ron Howard, Michael Mann, Richard Linklater, Ben Wheatley, Noah Baumbach, Denis Villeneuve and countless others, this could go down as the biggest year for film ever.

Last year, we ended up anticipating many of the treasures that the year was to hold, although some of its finest still managed to elude us. This year will certainly hold similar results but that’s half the fun of it anyways.

But for all the wonders to behold, 2015 certainly looks to hold some duds. So before we get onto what looks best, let’s air out some of those that did not make the list:

Even with Alan Taylor at the helm, Terminator: Genisys looks downright awful while Neill Blomkamp‘s Chappie is looking far too cheesy. Disney‘s Cinderella movie is all but destined to be bad. I have no idea what to think of Fifty Shades of Grey though I guess I can expect some “graphic nudity” so I guess that’s nothing to balk at. This Entourage movie looks incorrigible in all the wrong kind of ways. Magic Mike XXL losses Steven Soderbergh so it’s now just a male striper movie… At a distance, Ant-Man seems to be Marvel’s first flop.

I’m wary about the NWA biopic Straight Outta Compton for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on and similar things go for Robert ZemeckisThe Walk, which could be good, could be bad but I just don’t really care enough to make a bet either way. The Vacation reboot with Ed Helms feels the same way, though I can’t imagine it’s great. Terrence Malick annoys me (yeah, I said it) so I don’t feel anything towards Knight of Cups or his yet untitled Austin music scene flick. And I’m not entirely convinced Werner Herzog‘s Queen of the Desert will actually be released this year but if it is, I’m definitely looking forward to it.

This year’s list included a whopping 11 titles from the 2015 Sundance slate (which I’ll be attnding in just under 2 weeks) so we should have a great working list of confirmations going within the onset of the month. Aside from that, I’m sure there will be many pleasant surprises along the way as well as bumps in the road (see Interstellar) but for now, all we can do is wish and wait…

50. PAN

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This Peter Pan origin story looks very stupid but I cannot ignore the fact that Joe Wright – of Pride and Prejudice and Hannah fame – is at the helm. In Wright, I trust. With a scenery-chewing Hugh Jackman as the villainous Blackbeard and Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily, I’m hoping that this lives up to Wright’s reputation and isn’t the CGI-laden dullard-fest it looks to be. In theaters July 24.

49. JUPITER ASCENDING

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The Wachowski‘s far-out Jupiter Ascending was originally slated for release at the end of last year, leaving the film with that troubling “delayed” taste in our mouths. Whether it was a financial decision; a ploy to move it out of a crowded December slate and take advantage of an oft underwhelming February season; or a creative one; perhaps the film just flat-out sucked and they wanted as much tinker time as possible; we’ll see if they’re able to deliver a sci-fi blockbuster worth writing home about. In theaters February 6.

48. JURASSIC WORLD

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More a morbid curiosity pick, this long-awaited fourth installment to the Jurassic Park franchise hopes to hit the reboot button hard with a swashbuckling Chris Pratt at the forefront but if the first trailer is any indication, its quality is certainly not guaranteed. Blockbuster season June 12 release.

47. INSIDE OUT/THE GOOD DINOSAUR

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How far Pixar has fallen since its long standing reign as animators supreme. It’s been since Up that Pixar has knocked an original idea out of the park and with not one but two films (with original concepts) releasing this year, the odds of them rising to the top of the animated studios looks better than it has in years. Inside Out is an odd saga told from the perspective of a little girl’s emotions – Joy, Fear, Disgust, Sadness, Anger, etc. – while The Good Dinosaur charters a friendship between a boy and his Apatosaurus. Respective June 19 and November 25 release.

46. MACBETH

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One of the Bard’s most harrowing sagas of unchecked ambition, MacBeth tells the story of an army general who conspires with his seductive wife to become King. Starring Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard as Macbeth and his Lady, this looks to be one of the rare Shakespeare adaptations that sticks. Release TBA.

45. SLOW WEST

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Michael Fassbender, Ben Mendelsohn, Rory McCann and Kodi Smit-McPhee star in a old west road movie from first time director John Maclean and little more has to be said than Michael Fassbender, Ben Mendelsohn, Game of Thrones‘ The Hound and Western and I’m sold on the concept. We’ll see shortly if this is one worth talking about later down the line as it premieres in little more than two weeks. Slow West debuts at Sundance.

44. CRIMSON PEAK

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Guillermo del Toro is definitely an acquired taste and one that I’m not sure I can stomach much more of. Battlebots (er, Pacific Rim) was lost on me and his FX horror show, The Strain, failed to capture my attention for more than a few episodes, leaving me wanting for the del Toro of old; the del Toro who made Pan’s Labyrinth. Crimson Peak looks like an odd little haunted house flick and will certainly benefit from the casting of Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain, though Charlie Hunnam in the leading spot leaves much to be desired. Halloween-inspired October 16 release.

43. THE LOBSTER

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To say you fully understood Yorgos LanthimosDogtooth is a lie but that doesn’t make the film any less interesting. The Lobster looks a little more straight-forward – a  dystopian love story where single people are forcibly matched up in a weird hotel – and has an unrelenting cast including Léa Seydoux, Rachel Weisz, Colin Farrell, and John C. Reilly. Unspecified March 2014 release.

42. THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY: PART 2

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The name might not be catchy but its box office conflagration is sure to be. Though the first few hours of this two-parter failed to live up to many’s expectations (I enjoyed it) the second action-filled finale is sure to bring the noise. While we’ll have to wait to see if critics are willing to warm up to its fires after being burned by the last one, audiences are sure to turn this into one of the year’s most profitable films. Release on November 20.

41. FURIOUS 7

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After the tragically ironic death of Paul Walker, this seventh take on the Fast and Furious franchise took a long break from production, returning to sub in Walker’s unfilled scenes with CGI and brotherly body doubles. With horror aficionado James Wan working as director, Furious 7 promises to take a detour from the vehicular heists for a throwback revenge flick. Here’s hoping that the untimely passing of Walker wasn’t a decisive finishing blow to the only franchise he thrived in. Coming to theaters April 3. 

40. STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT

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Anyone who took Psychology 101 in college remembers the Stanford Prison Experiment – where men were randomly assigned the role of prisoner or guard and begin to preternaturally assimilate with their relegated role. After taking on David Sedaris with the somewhat winning C.O.G., director Kyle Patrick Alvarez hopes to weave the cautionary tale of humanity’s darker tendencies into a compelling narrative. Sundance premiere. 

39. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 5

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I adored Brad Bird‘s Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and loved J.J. Abram‘s MI:3 and was more than ready for another dose of the MI series. However, when Christopher McQuarrie (Jack Reacher) stepped into the director’s chair, I was exceedingly disappointed. Though Tom Cruise‘s breezy charm and the series seriously-not-serious tone can hopefully elevate the film to blockbuster perfection, I’m still admittedly nervous about McQuarrie’s involvement. Christmas ’15 release. 

38. FANTASTIC FOUR

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A knock-out cast – Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell – and director Josh Trank are enough to win over the curiosity of this series skeptic. After all, the most recent renditions of this quadron of supers was a certifiable dud so it has very little to live up to and so long as Trank can match the emotional heft and wowing spectacle of Chronicle, we should be in good shape. August 7 wide release.

37. KNOCK KNOCK

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The perma-wooden Keanu Reeves unexpectedly won audiences over with last year’s ultra-violent John Wick while Eli Roth‘s latest, the Amazon horror homage The Green Inferno, went unseen when Open Road pulled the film from release. A combination of these two mighty hit-or-missers is a strangely inspired formula and when you mix in a pair of femme fatales, more than just our curiosities are piqued. Premieres at Sundance.

36. LAST DAYS IN THE DESERT

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Ewan McGregor plays a fasting, hard praying Jesus on a forty day desert bender in Rodrigo Garcia‘s ambitiously arthouse Last Days in the Desert. It’s fair to assume the dialogue will be slim but with Gravity and Birdman cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki working the camera, I can’t help but imagine the picture is stunning to behold. Premieres at Sundance.

35. EVEREST

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Jake Gyllenhaal has been on a tear of late and his latest is a loose retelling of the events of Jon Krakauer‘s “Into Thin Air” with a hell of a list of co-stars – including Keira Knightley, Robin Wright, Josh Brolin, Jason Clarke, John Hawkes, and Sam Worthington. Expect a high-octane, well-acted romp. September 18th release. 

34. MISSISSIPPI GRIND

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Ryan Fleck‘s Half Nelson was a big hit in the indie scene so it was a bit of a letdown when his follow-up, the Zack Galifianakis-starring dramedy It’s Kind of a Funny Story, failed to deliver more goods. Mississippi Grind looks to win back his goodwill with a Southern gambling drama starring the always winning Ben Bendelsohn and Ryan Reynolds. Debuts at Sundance.  

33. JANE GOT A GUN

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Famously troubled production Jane Got a Gun has been through the wringer. This Natalie Portman passion project was originally in the competent hands of Lynee Ramsay – who quit Day One of production – and with an entirely different male cast (Michael Fassbender, Jude Law and Bradley Cooper were all attached at different times) but the changes haven’t made me less interested (even if they do invite a touch of wariness.) With Joel Edgerton and Ewan McGregor now in the male roles and Warrior‘s Gavin O’Connor behind the camera, this could wind up as fetid as its making but has the distinct possibility of being quite wonderful. Release September 4.

32. SOUTHPAW

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Another Jake Gyllenhaal film, this time from director Antoine Fuqua with a screenplay from Sons of Anarchy helmer and scribe Kurt Sutter, Southpaw tells the story of a boxer clawing his way to the top. Though Fuqua isn’t a guarantee behind the camera and Sutter has a knack for over-writing, the presence of Gyllenhaal alone may be enough to make this mighty entertaining. Release TBA.

31. RESULTS

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Part of Sundance’s US Dramatic Competition, Results pairs Guy Pearce and Cobie Smulders as an unlikely pair of personal trainers. Many fawned over director Andrew Bujalaski’s odd Computer Chess so expectations are high. Sundance premiere.

30. ’71

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Many expected Angelina Jolie‘s Unbroken to propel Jack O’Connell into international stardom (it didn’t) but that doesn’t mean the young actor hasn’t proven his worth before. He was a powerhouse in Starred Up and had nothing to do with the problems of Unbroken. Already nominated for a BAFTA for Best British Film, ’71 tells the story of “a young and disoriented British soldier who’s accidentally abandoned by his unit.” It sounds awesome and I’ll be seeing it shortly at Sundance. ’71 plays Sundance and then is onto a limited release February 27.

29. BLACK MASS

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I don’t love the casting – Johnny Depp, Sienna Miller, Benedict Cumberbatch – but Scott Cooper‘s underrated directorial status (Out of the Furnace) is enough to have me thinking this might be a surprise winner. Black Mass tells the story of Whitey Bulger, infamous criminal and brother to a senator who flipped to become an FBI informant to take down a rival Mafia family. September 18 wide opening.

28. THE SEA OF TREES

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Gus Van Sant‘s trippy-premised The Sea of Trees has Matthew McConaughey playing a suicidal man who becomes lost in a forest and must find his way out with a newfound Japanese friend. The whole thing sounds otherworldly and strange, something of a Rust Cohle existential nightmare, and Van Sant’s track record screams quality so what’s not to like? Release TBA.

27. DARK PLACES

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Gillian Flynn‘s last adaptation went on to fill my number two spot of the Top Ten Best Movies of the Year so to say I’m anticipating her next flick is a bit of an understatement. Having just finishing reading the novel on which the film will be based, the potential is great though the casting and director’s choice (Gilles Paquet-Brenner) have left me a little cold. Release TBA.

26. HIGH RISE

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Ben Wheatley is a monster. Kill List is one of the best horror movies of the past few decades while Sightseers is a searingly hilarious dark comedy. A Field in England wasn’t quite my cup of tea – a bit of a madcap experiment gone wrong – but High Rise looks to be a return to form for the maniacal director. Starring Tom Hiddleston, Elizabeth Moss, Sienna Miller, James Purefoy, Luke Evans and Jeremy Irons, it seems Wheatley can finally attract a real cast, who will all assemble to tell the story of a high-rise apartment gone terribly wrong. US release TBA.

25. BEASTS OF NO NATION

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Idris Elba suits up as a commandant who takes young Agu under his wing as a child solider in an unnamed African civil war. Elba’s a treasure (see Luther) even though he isn’t always gifted the most rewarding material so to see him take the tutelage of True Detective writer and director Cary Fukunaga will hopefully be a pairing most special. Release TBA.

 24. Z FOR ZACHARIAH

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Proffered as a love triangle for the intelligentsia, Z for Zachariah sees a post-apocalyptic future where two men fight for the affection of the only woman they know to be left standing. Starring Margo Robbie, Chris Pine and Chiwetel Ejiofor, director Craig Zobel‘s follow-up to the winning Compliance debuts in just a few weeks at Sundance. Debuting at Sundance.

23. THE MARTIAN

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Ridley Scott‘s first return to original sci-fi fare in too long, The Martian boasts screenwriter Drew Goddard (The Cabin in the Woods) and a cast that features Jessica Chastain, Kate Mara, Matt Damon and Sean Bean. Whether Scott will continue on his streak of near misses or really knock it out of the park is yet to be seen but we can still hope can’t we? Opens wide November 25.

22. THE LIGHT BETWEEN OCEANS

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Derek Cianfrance is a gorgeous storyteller and his next film tells the tale of “a lighthouse keeper and his wife living off the coast of Western Australia who raise a baby they rescue from an adrift rowboat.” From a distance, it sounds kinda quirky and sentimental but I have overwhelming faith in Cianfrance’s good taste. Starring Michael Fassbender and Rachel Weisz, this could be an emotional powerhouse. Release TBA.

21. UNTITLED SPIELBERG/HANKS COLD WAR FILM

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Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg are more often than naught lucky pennies for one another. Their successes have been varied, though largely war-driven and their latest looks to add to that list of wins. Going on to receive awards attention is a distinct possibility though it may hem too closely to 2012’s Argo to be a real contender. Opens October 16.

20. KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE

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If there’s one guy working in Hollywood who is the anti-Christopher Nolan, it’s Matthew Vaughn. The guy just came out and said that people are sick of Nolan’s relentlessly dark take and I think he might just be right. Vaughn’s style is unapologetically just that: style. He imbues his films with an irresistible sense of gleeful violence, elevating comic book fare into truly thrilling blockbuster engagements. The reviews for his latest have been positively glowing and I can’t wait to see his spy product. February 13 release stateside.

19. TOMORROWLAND

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Damon Lindelof is one of the most divisive creative minds working in Hollywood today (I love him) so anything with his name attached typically draws a dichotomy of fanfare. He really is the ultimate crowd splitter. But whether or not you love or hate him, Tomorrowland looks mighty intriguing. With Brad Bird (Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol) at the helm, a cast that pairs up George Clooney and Britt Robertson and a Disney-sized budget, this ride-turned-movie looks to be one big – hopefully beautiful – mystery. In theaters May 22.

18. BLACKHAT

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Michael Mann‘s hacker thriller has the fact that it’s a hacker thriller working against it but if Mann’s name means anything (it does) it’s that he should be able to mount insurmountable odds. Starring Chris Hemsworth, Blackhat hopes to break the record of sh*tty January releases. Hits theaters January 16.

17. DIGGING FOR FIRE

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Joe Swanberg is the feather in the cap of the terribly-named mumblecore sub-genre, delivering hit after hit of pertinent indie fare. His latest, co-written by Jake Johnson, looks to continue the streak. With a great cast – Anna Kendrick, Brie Larson, Sam Rockwell, Sam Elliot – to boot and an intriguing premise about a husband and wife who find a bone and a gun, Digging for Fire could start off the year right. Premieres at Sundance.

16. IN THE HEART OF THE SEA

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Another Hemsworth-starrer, Ron Howard‘s In the Heart of the Sea tells the events that inspired Moby Dick – a sperm whale preys upon a ship full of whalers. Howard’s last (Rush) was an underrated win and this looks to mix similar amounts of narrative ingenuity and big screen spectacle. Opens March 13. 

15. MISTRESS AMERICA

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Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach reunite for this dramedy about a college freshman thrown for the loop by a new step-sister. Baumbach and Gerwig’s last union resulted in the most excellent Frances Ha so anticipation is almost stiflingly high for their next product. Premieres at Sundance.

14. THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

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To say that Marvel is on a roll is the understatement of the year. Only they could turn a relatively unknown quantity such as Guardians of the Galaxy into the most profitable (domestically) film of the year. The Avengers: Age of Ultron will look to topple the box office records of its predecessor while upping the stakes and (hopefully) imparting that these Avengers are not as death proof as they’ve been so far. Expect it to destroy box office records on May 1.

13. GREEN ROOM

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Jeremy Saulnier, of Blue Ruin fame, returns to the color wheel for his film’s namesake to tell another twisted tale of circumstance gone wrong. Starring Imogen Poots, Alia Shawkat, Anton Yelchin and Patrick Stewart as a white supremacist, Green Room seems like just the kind of mystery I cannot wait to see unfold. Release TBA.

12. THE END OF THE TOUR

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Jason Segel and Jesse Eisenberg join director James Ponsoldt (The Spectacular Now) to tell the true story of a reporter’s journeys with David Foster Wallace (of “Infinite Jest” acclaim) during a book tour. Ponsoldt delivered a surprise hit with The Spectacular Now and with compelling source material and a knack for earnestness, looks to do it again. Debuts at Sundance.

11. DEMOLITION

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A man struggles with the unexpected death of his wife in Jean-Marc Vallee‘s Demolition. The third film on this list to star Jake Gyllenhaal (are you spotting a trend?) Demolition also features Naomi Watts and Chris Cooper and could just be the kind of film to earn serious awards attention for it. Release TBA.

10. MAD MAX: ROAD FURY

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I’m gonna go ahead and admit that I’ve never seen the original Mad Max films (consternation aplenty). It’s just one of those flicks that no-one ever inducted me into and I’ve never really wanted to just watch by myself. So yeah, now that that’s off my chest, I have to admit that the new Mad Max movie looks pretty freakin’ rad. Tom Hardy in the spotlight and George Miller behind the camera looks to make for one bang-up dystopia. May 15 release date.

9. SPECTRE

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Continuing down the path that Sam MendesSkyfall set Bond upon, Spectre looks to firm up the beginning of the end of Daniel Craig‘s 007. With Christoph Waltz joining the cast as the infamous Blofeld and Léa Seydoux hopping in as the femme fatale, the formula for success looks to be all calculated and in place. If they can edge a touch more fun into the proceedings (see Casino Royal) Spectre could be one of the best Bonds yet. Hits theaters November 6.

8. JOY

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Sizing up David O. Russell‘s latest takes little more than noting the cast list – Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro. If you were to place a cold bet on Oscar odds at the end of the year, putting all three up for nominations would likely win you money as O. Russell’s track record of late has been nothing short of meteoric. Joy tells the true story of a Long Island single mom (Lawrence) who pioneered such inventions as the Miracle Mop. Christmas Day release.
 

7. THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

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Richard Linklater promises that That’s What I’m Talking About is a spiritual follow-up to Dazed and Confused, that picks up right where Boyhood left off. No, it doesn’t feature any of the same characters but it plants us right in the throes of the onset on college, where some of the Dazed kids were heading and where Mason had just arrived. Assuming that Linklater is able to keep up his hot streak, That’s What I’m Talking About hopes to be one of the best indies of 2015. Release TBA.

6. STEVE JOBS

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This movie should have been David Fincher‘s. It should have starred Christian Bale. But it doesn’t and it won’t. Its future, in fact, is hazy at best. But with Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 127 Hours) now in the director’s chair and Michael Fassbender filling in for Bale, the turnaround could have been much, much worse. I’m gambling a lot on Aaron Sorkin with this pick and perhaps even more on Sony to not f*ck it up but I’m left hoping that Sorkin’s long awaited telling of Steve Job’s tale is well worth the wait…and the drama. Release TBA…if at all.

5. SICARIO

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Denis Villeneuve delivered a one-two knockout with Prisoners and Enemy (both of which debuted at the 2013 TIFF) and now returns to tell a feminist survivalist cartel story. Count me in.  Starring Emily Blunt, Josh Brolin and Jon Bernthal, Sicario has my expectation of landing super-sunny-side up, as anything short of a masterpiece would sully Villeneuve’s fast rising star. Release TBA.

4. SILENCE

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Martin Scorsese has been talking about Silence for decades. Two 17th century Jesuit priests embark to Japan to plant the seed of the good book and not all goes according to plan. The fact that Silence has been Scorsese’s long time passion project is reason enough to anticipate its release even though I’m saddened to see Daniel Day Lewis (who was long expected to be attached) not included amongst the cast list. Release TBA. 

3. THE REVENANT

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Alejandro González Iñárritu‘s Birdman was my favorite movie of the year and his follow-up looks equally out-of-this world. Starring two of the best living actors – Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom HardyThe Revenant takes us back in time to 1820 where a man is mauled by a bear and must take vengeance on those who left him for dead. Sound excellent to you? Yup, me too. Christmas Day limited release.

2. THE HATEFUL EIGHT

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Every year Quentin Tarantino makes a film, it’s my favorite of the year so there’s no hemming and hawing about why his latest is so high up on this list. Though its getting to the screen has been somewhat of a dramatic tale in and of itself (cast, leaked, canceled, revived) Tarantino’s story of blizzard-bound bounty hunters is sure to be an invariable winner. We must wait until November 13 to finally see it.

1. STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS

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It’s been a lifetime of waiting for most of us younger generation Star Wars fans. I grew up on the original trilogy, attended the premiere of Episode 1 and my distain for George Lucas‘ turd-filled prequels has multiplied like a cancer over the years. We deserved more. J.J. Abrams aims to renew hope in one of the most loved franchises of all time and the Christmas-released trailer had me buzzing in excitement. Though I go into it with reservations, this is without a doubt the film I’m most anxious to see in 2015. Releases wide on December 18.

So there we have it, all 50 most anticipated films of 2015. Go ahead and weigh in: what did we miss? what are you most excited for?

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Weekly Review 67: ALICE, SNIPER, THEOREM

Weekly Review

In the few moments of downtime, I’ve managed to churn and burn through a shortlist of 2014 Must Sees including Still Alice – for which Julianne Moore will win an Oscar – American Sniper – Clint Eastwood’s dutifully told biopic on prolific sniper Chris Kyle – and Terry Gilliam‘s weirdo-fest The Zero Theorem. So hurry, hurry, super scurry, cuz it’s Weekly Review.

STILL ALICE (2014)

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A rather down-the-middle illness drama, Still Alice offers Julianne Moore the opportunity to showboat her skillz and saunter away with an Oscar. Her performance is the stuff of typical award fare – resilient with flourishes of weepy breakdowns – even when the film itself is cloyingly melodramatic, not above the pay grade of made-for-TV cinema. Not bad so much as bland and conventional, Still Alice takes on Alzheimer’s disease with a unwavering chin and occasionally delicate grace, supplying a fair share of sympathy for its characters and their situations even when it admittedly takes too many swings at its audience’s tear ducts. A cut above Hallmark, but not by a wide margin. (C)

AMERICAN SNIPER (2014)

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Watching a screener of American Sniper on my XBox One was a dangerous game of brinkmanship. All that separated me from an online melee of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare was a simple press of the home button. After all, Clint Eastwood‘s passable but derivative biopic is essentially watching a professional play Call of Duty. Played masterfully by a bulked-up Bradley Cooper, Chris Kyle’s whole mantra could be boiled down to a call of duty – he joins the war effort because 9/11 and… ‘Murica! – but Eastwood fails to get into the nitty gritty of what makes the man tick. While a biopic that thoughtfully examined and picked apart Kyle’s hero status would have been infinitely more interesting, Eastwood’s latest is at the very least a powerful starring vehicle for Cooper. (C+)

THE ZERO THEOREM (2014)

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Terry Gilliam
‘s films have always been an acid trip but The Zero Theorem walks us deep into an unrelenting, unforgiving K-hole and lets go. Named for the formula which computer scientist cum tortured protagonist  Qohen Leth (a shaved bald Christoph Waltz) seeks desperately to solve, The Zero Theorem postulates a dystopian future that’s brimming with window dressings and a few spectacular bits of CGI cinematography that’s undeniably short on substantive DNA. The should-be timely piece adds up to Gilliam’s wandering take on technology but exactly what he’s trying to say gets as jumbled up as the film’s neural nets, blood red jumpsuits and Matt Damons in snowy, wall-street wigs. (C-)

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The 10 Best Horror Movies of 2014

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People might tell you that 2014 was a lackluster year for horror. They would be wrong. Very, very wrong. In fact, 2014 was a superlative 365-days for the genre. So much so that piecing together a Top Ten List was exorbinately difficult as there were at a handful that may have earned a place in a lesser year but didn’t exactly have the goods to nose their way into the top slots. Among those notable contenders is Kevin Smith’s batshit walrus misadventure Tusk, superior alphabetical anthology flick The ABCs of Death 2, and a trio of delectable found footage flicks featuring werewolf realism – Wer – Altimizer’s gone demonic – The Taking of Deborah Logan – and a horrific vampiric flu – Afflicted. Cautionary internet tale The Den had a lot going for it as well, another strong contender for the year. Had I considered E.L. Katz‘ monstrously good Cheap Thrills a horror – I don’t – it might have topped the list but that’s an argument to be had in a separate space.

10. THE HOUSES OCTOBER BUILT

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It takes little imagination to find a souring brand of daunting realism in Bobby Roe‘s grizzly found footage account (one of four on this list) of a group of Halloween thrill-seekers who stumble too far down the rabbit hole. Going above the conventions of normalcy, The Houses October Built arcs at terminal velocity into the unforgiving maw of a real hellhole, offering scares that gingerly walk the fine line between reality and invention in which it’s improbable to parse the artifice of trying to scare the sh*t out of someone with actually, you know, trying to kill them. You’ll never enter a haunted house the same again.

9. THE BABADOOK

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A storybook nightmare come alive with electric performances from Essie Davis and youngster Noah Wiseman, the former of which offers a performance embedded with equal strands of motherly sacrifice and true terror, the later half-wittingly stumbling into one of the least self-aware performances from a child the year had to offer, regardless of genre. The Babadook may not present the bone-chilling frights some of the its chief pundits have claimed but its mightily well made, with fierce attention to relationships and an original enough concept to boot – an undeniably winning formula in our eyes.

8. THE BORDERLANDS

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The whole descent into hell thing has been done before (even once later on this list) and anyone a fan of the genre is no stranger to priests nosing into miracles-cum-hauntings but the way in which The Borderlands builds and builds while tightening and tightening makes it a fine study of found footage done justice. The other chief victory for director Elliot Goldner comes in his writing, which keeps us surprisingly invested in the characters, offering three-dimensional beings not often found in the found footage catalog. Robin Hill‘s wisecracking Gray clashes perfectly with Gordon Kennedy‘s damaged but devoid Deacon so that when things finally come to a head, and boy oh boy do they, you’re rooting for them, not against (as is too often the case.)

7. OCULUS

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2014 was a plugged full of studio misfires for the genre – a fact that has contributed to the misconception that it was a minor year for horror – what with Annabelle, The Purge: Anarchy and Ouija  all being marked gaffes and The Evil Within and The Quiet Ones failing to make much noise at all – but if there was one studio released scary movie that fans and critics were able to rally around it was this. Oculus thrives on its sense of internal consistency and increasingly high-stakes games of mindf*cking, and Karen Gillan s overly committed performance didn’t hurt. For a film about a haunted mirror, Oculus is able to inject an overbearing sense of dread into what could have easily been a disaster of epic proportions. That director Mike Flanagan  also managed to blend two time periods seamlessly into one, presenting a fully distorted picture that was great than the mere sum of its parts, is further evidence of his subtle mastery of the genre.

6. HOUSEBOUND

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Sam Raimi accidentally invented the horror-comedy in 1981, almost stumbling upon a wheelhouse hungry subcultures didn’t yet know they wanted, his whacked-out formula later taken by a young, tooth-cutting Peter Jackson to further extremes in the celebrated messterpiece Braindead. In the great tradition of wily horror-gone-funny, New Zealand’s very own Housebound jettisons the zany hallmarks of past horror-comedy successes – all the while very intentionally tipping their hat to them – giving it space to hone in on its very own import of yuck-horror and bloodspolsions. This tongue-in-cheek haunter may be bratty, puerile and claustrophobic but, most importantly, it’s laugh-out-loud funny.

5. CREEP

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Mark Duplass has always played something of an everyman. Even on The League – an FX comedy deliciously overstuffed with caricatures of characters – his Pete is snarky but believably human. Perhaps that’s what makes his turn in the delightfully eerie Creep so, uh, creepy. Starring opposite him is (first time) director Patrick Brice, playing a man who’s just responded to a mysterious Craigslist ad that enlists him as a cohort of sorts to Duplass’ increasingly odd asks. Never quite going the direction you expect, Creep relies sternly on the ever captivating presence of its two leads – who never disappoint – and their slightly askew developing relationship.   

4. HONEYMOON

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Rose Leslie melted many snowy hearts north of The Wall as Ygritte on HBO‘s winning Game of Thrones series but seeing her stripped of that throaty accent, her hoary nightgown and, eventually, her personality in Honeymoon showed a new side to her, one hemmed with dimensionality and rich with ambiguity. She was, in a phrase, a nightmarish panorama. Less a conventional antagonist than a harbinger of uncertainly and unease, Leslie’s Bea was one of the more interesting characters additions from 2014 and director Leigh Janiak knows just how to manipulate her stalwart tendencies and flip them on their head. In a film that’s all about marital bliss gobbled up, Honeymoon is one savagely appetizing gaze at alien femme fatality.  

3. AS ABOVE/SO BELOW

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Critically dismantled, criminally underseen, As Above/So Below was dealt a losing hand upon its unceremonious theatrical dumping. To get an idea of how little confidence Universal had in their picture, they screened the film at 7 PM the night of its official release. Meaning, they screening it a mere 3 hours before they started showing it to general audiences. Of all the entries on the list, this suffered the biggest blowback for its critical panning in the eyes of the suits – coming in with a shabby 21 million off an estimated 5 million production budget – but the true loss came on behalf of the audiences who skipped it assuming ineptitude. From the truly inspired Paris Catacomb settings to its litany of diabolical lore, As Above/So Below is stuffed with arcana and welcome scares, like a giddy, terrifying adventure of Legends of the Hidden Temple with an improved upon Laura Croft as your host.

2. STARRY EYES

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If there is one consistency from the year, it’s that 2014 was a moment for the woman in horror. From As Above/So Below‘s kickass Perdita Weeks to Honeymoon‘s subterfuging Rose Leslie, Oculus‘ exceedingly zealous Karen Gillan, The Babadook‘s sublime Essie Davis, Housebound‘s ever-angsty Morgana O’Reilly and It Follow‘s perfect casting in Maika Monroe, the stars have not shone brighter on the fairer gender within our beloved genre. But no entry on the list had as big an ask of their actress as Starry Eyes, a bone-dry, humorless waxing on the pitfalls of ambition. Alexandra Esso literally buried herself in the role and you won’t find another who chick on this list or any another that undergoes such a shocking 360. An absolutely blood-curdling series of dispatches – a barbell tops the gruesome weapons list – in the midst of Essoe’s particular brand of body dysmorphia makes it an unforgettable genre entry that’s slowly been earning a deserved cult following.

1. IT FOLLOWS

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The urban legend of the STDemon seems like one that’s been whispered amongst circles of throbbing-genitialed teenagers forever. Debuting at Cannes and making a hell of a festival circuit run, It Follows spins its own Are You Afraid of the Dark type mythos of a sexually transmitted entity that never stops, never sleeps, never reasons. Just follows. Brilliant in its simplicity, It Follows doesn’t squander time with getting to know you’s. Rather, it’s a raw, dirty, brilliant orgy of nail-crunching tension, rich with pregnant silences and offscreen moments of self-sacrificing, proving that sometimes the simplest of ideas are the best of them.

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Chris' Home for the Holidays Films: Top 10 2014 Movies to Catch with the Family this Holiday Season

In lieu of an official top ten, our finest satirist-in-residence Chris Bunker counts down the movies to crowd ’round with the whole fam-damily.

Honorable Mentions:

Horrible Bosses 2

Nightcrawler

Guardians of the Galaxy

The Interview (wop wop wah)

The Theory of Everything

Lone Survivor

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Begin Again

Sex Tape

Fury

10. Two Night Stand

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Christmas came early with Two Night Stand, which netted $18K (that’s thousand) at the box-office back in September. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who’s seen this movie, which is really too bad because it is spectacular. Disclaimer: This film is not about two nightstands weathering a frigid blizzard while trapped in Miles Teller’s overly spacious New York apartment. At the onset it seems like we might be headed for something just as dull.

The film stars Miles Teller and Analeigh Tipton. She’s a dry speller: she hasn’t — you know, “done it” — in months, and as depression and unemployment seem to be taking over her life post-college, her friend tries to get her to hook up with someone for the holiday season. She sets up an online profile on whiteactorsmeet.com and Miles Teller is lucky enough to reel this stinky fish in. Tipton wants the D like misspelle, and he is more than obliging in giving her a New Year’s gift she can’t return to Best Buy.

After their hook-up, the two get stuck in Teller’s apartment after a huge blizzard puts the city on lockdown. Over the course of their “Two Night Stand”, Teller gets more slot than an old widow at Treasure Island and Tipton gets more dong than the Liberty Bell at two o’clock. Which, I guess is just three dongs.

There’s a lot more to this movie than just the “stand.” Stunningly well-written and at times an incredibly accurate depiction of today’s hook-up culture, this is a Christmas rom-com people really should see. And it got me thinking about those two night-stands. How did they get where they are? Who gave them their color, their shape, their embossing, their gloss? What are they supporting, what weight do they carry? How did they get their cracks, their stains? After all, aren’t we all just night-stands in the dark, hoping one day someone might come turn the light on and look to us for a little support, open our drawers and learn what’s inside? It’s lonely at night in the dark. Pop on Two Night Stand with a loved one and get in the giving mood.

9. The Judge

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Pretty much everyone can only take so much of their family during the holiday season before things go haywire. The Judge really isn’t a holiday movie, but it’s one you should catch all the same. Robert Downey Jr., a big-shot Chicago lawyer,makes a trip back to Buttcrack, Indiana to attend his mother’s funeral. His Dad’s the town judge (he’s also Robert Duvall), but the whole father-son relationship thing never really worked out between these two law-abiding men. As more to their history unfolds and Downey and Duvall chip away at each other’s’ cold hearts, the film catches fire. The dialogue is somewhat Sorkin-esque, but that was only a bad thing in Seasons 2-3 of The Newsroom. Catch The Judge and enjoy knowing that your family isn’t the only one that’s screwed up.

8. Ernest & Celestine

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My favorite animated film ever, Ernest & Celestine is delightful, playful, simple and warm enough to melt even the most frozen hearts (you heard me, Elsa). This movie is the equivalent of a warm blanket by the fire, as Ernest, a big bumbling bear, and Celestine, a delicate little mouse, cuddle up far from a society that can’t accept them. You’re only hurting yourself if you don’t get a taste of this beautiful movie this holiday season. Better hope Santa brings you this one for X-mas.

7. The Grand Budapest Hotel

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You really can’t go wrong with Wes Anderson, and his latest installment just might be his best yet. With a slow-paced humor that peppers famous actors everywhere and laughs in every moment, TGBH is tasteful and visually delectable. With Ralph Fiennes, Ed Norton, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafore, Léa Seydoux, Jeff Goldblum, Jeff Schwartzman, Jude Law, Harvey Keitel, Bill Murray and Owen Wilson to name just a few, get the old band together and cut yourself a piece of Budapest.

6. Snowpiercer

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Bong Joon-Ho’s frigid train-movie is among my favorites of 2014 and an absolute brain-wrecker. Chris Evans is getting way more hype for Cap’ 2, but this film is ten times better and a marvel of story-telling. Tracking the last survivors of an Earth-freezing apocalypse who live on a self-sustaining, endlessly running train circling around the frozen globe, Joon-Ho’s film is a must-see. If you’re in the mood for some snow this Channukah season, don’t miss Snowpiercer.

5. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

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In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit. Well, he’s not got much time before he gets buried by time. I’m going off of past experience alone, as I still haven’t been able to catch the last Peter Jackson LOTR movie ever (L). The LOTR series has been a hallmark of Christmases this entire century, and I’m so, so, so sad to see them go. As Jackson isn’t an asshole, and I’ve never been disappointed by a Middle Earth tale, this one’s sure to be worth the watch. Leave your Hobbit hole for a couple hours and join the adventure while you still can. How can you resist Bilbo and Gandalf?

4. Divergent

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Just kidding. I’m dauntless! F*ck. This. Movie. Just wanted to say it one last time this year. #CANDOR

4. Boyhood

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The “12 Years a Boy” thing seems kind of boring, but Richard Linklater has given the world the best cinematic present anyone could ask for this year. Following Ellar Coltrane’s childhood and family as 12 years fly by, you’ll be reminded why that screwed up family of yours might not be so bad after all. I don’t rank this nostalgic movie any higher (though it certainly deserves to be higher) because no one needs to shed a tear for Christmas. That’s what Christmas Shoes was for.

3. Blended

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Sorry, this is also a joke. Couldn’t pass this up: “WE’RE GOING TO AFRICA!!!”

3. Edge of Tomorrow

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Tom Cruise has subtly been churning out quality movies for the past two years now. Edge of Tomorrow was his best. The “Live, Die, Repeat” premise is fun and well-executed, and there’s enough action, humor and Tom Cruise running to make this one an ‘A’ for me. I’ve seen this film four times now and it’s only gotten better with age. Cruise may not be a fine wine but he’s at least two Forty’s and a FourLoko. Can you think of a better combo for the holidays?

2. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

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This one tops my “Best Films to Watch On an International Flight” and “Best Andy Serkis Performance Since LOTR: The Return of the King” lists. This film is just flat out fantastic from beginning to end, with amazing graphics from Weta Digital, inscrutable performances from Serkis, Gary Oldman, Jason Clarke and Toby Kebbell (playing the best villain of 2014, “Koba”), and so much more. Stuff your stockings with DOTPOTA. Don’t do it for me. Do it because Jesus would want you to.

1. Gone Girl

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If you’re concerned a significant other might be cheating, bring them along to Gone Girl and see how they react. Based off of the incredible Gillian Flynn novel of the same name, this film is the best I’ve seen all year and traumatizingly good. Sure to net Oscar nominations all across the board (notably “Best Actress” for Rosamund Pike), Ben Affleck’s latest film is notable just for his unit alone. David Fincher directs a twisting, blood-clotting, brain-breaking suspense-thriller that transcends genre and classification. If you watch any movie this Christmas season, it needs to be Gone Girl. Trust me; it’ll bring the whole family together.


Dishonorable Mention: Jingle All The Way 2

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Every Holiday movie list needs at least one Christmas movie; enter Jingle All The Way 2, starring everyone’s favorite, Larry The Cable Guy. This straight-to-video film produced by the WWE (seriously) had a budget of $5 million, which I’m assuming all went towards Christmas lights and fake snow. Considering this is a sequel to the (Minneapolis-filmed!) 1996 Schwarzenegger movie that most consider to be the worst Christmas movie ever, you can’t get much better than Jingle All The Way 2. If you love bad movies, put that gingerbread cookie down, grab some popcorn and revel in this holiday mess.

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Out in Theaters: INTO THE WOODS

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Last year, Telltale Games released a video game called “The Wolf Among Us.” The interactive story re-imagined fairy tales of lore – from Snow White to Georgie Porgie – as a community of troubled New Yorkers caught up in a multiple homicide investigation. You play as Bigby Wolf, a detective with a past as coarse as his beard hair, now a man doing his best to pay penance for the huffing and puffing of his past.

Rob Marshall‘s Into the Woods has its own Big, Bad Wolf – Johnny Depp with a crumpled mustache and a rapey solo track. He bays at the moon while singing about how badly he wants to gobble up Red Riding Hood. It’s weird, off-putting and noxious – essential Depp 101. Where Telltale was able to take familiar characters and weave a story around them that benefits from our understanding of their respective fables, Into the Woods relies entirely on mimicking the collective conscious of lore, spoon-feeding  back a narrative that’s more anecdotal smorgasbord than anything refined and singular. It’s one big inside joke that’s sure to tickle musical fans pink while leaving those on the other side of the fence howling for respite.

The story starts out in precious sing-song with a baker and his wife wailing their woes of a womb left barren, a pernicious Little Red (Lilla Crawford) embarking to grandma’s with a basket brimming with baked goods, Jack (Daniel Huttlestone) unwittingly off to trade his milky white cow for some magic beans and a spindly witch played by Meryl Streep hemming and hawing about an aged curse and popping in and out of frames in daffy gusts of smoke. Their paths, for one reason or another, have all been pointed into the woods. And so we embark with ballad after ballad, lungs brimming with gusto.

It’s within said woods that The Baker (James Corden) and his Wife (Emily Blunt) must gather a cow as white as milk, hair as yellow as corn and a slipper as gold as…gold? in order to break the curse that Steep’s witch placed on their house many years ago. Many songs follow.

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For those turned off by musical numbers, Into the Woods is an auditory onslaught that fails to break from the repertoire of singing, singing and more singing long enough to develop a story beyond the patchwork of colliding fairy tales. Chris Pine steals the show with in-film brother Billy Magnussen in a number called “Agony” but clever moments of tongue-in-cheek nods to the adults in the audience like this are woefully sparse.

The cast is admittedly stellar – Anna Kendrick, Corden, Blunt, Pine and, to a lesser degree, Streep all own their numbers, even if I personally found some of those numbers grating. But such is the nature of the musical. You’re either in it or you aren’t. It’s just not my cup of tea. What I completely fail to understand is any Oscar buzz surrounding the film as the mere idea of Streep with a nomination frustrates me beyond belief (in a year stuffed with excellent, unsung female performances.) She’s played the Academy Darling card too many times recently, earning a nod nearly every time she puts her face to celluoid. The Iron Lady doth protest too much, methinks.

C

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