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Netfix: 7 Recent (Underrated) Thrillers Streaming on Netflix

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The great thing about Netflix is that it gives you a lot of TV and movie watching options. The bad thing about Netflix is that it gives you…a lot of TV and movie watching options. So many that it can be overwhelming. I’d guess around ninety percent of our time spent on Netflix is scrolling through thousands of movies and TV shows, before finally deciding on something three hours after you’ve first logged on. The aim of this column is to provide easily accessible Netflix suggestions based on a different focal point each week.


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10 Best Movies of 2015 So Far

For the casual film-goer, 2015 has started off on relative slow footing. Dumping ground months January and February held few critical or commercial surprise hits – outside of one release featured on this rundown – with anything of worth reserved for festival-going audiences. Barring the outrageous international money-vacuum that is Furious 7, Summer 2015 has proved a touch disappointing with expected giants such as Avengers: Age of Ultron landing softer than anticipation (while still claiming the second biggest opening weekend ever) and big franchise resets like Terminator: Genisys and Jurassic World waiting in the wings with big question marks (and budgets) hanging over their heads. Read More

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The Top 100 Films of 2014

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As of publication, I’ve clocked in 242 2014 films. It’s a fitting number, one that isn’t totally, completely, batshit crazy. Ok, maybe it is. Of those 242, I have culled a list of 100 films that’re more than worthy of your attention. This handcrafted numerical scroller has been designed with the kind of meticulous craft reserved only for the most OCD of compilers. Piecing together such a massive collection is indeed a mighty endeavor and I don’t want to imagine all the man hours that actually went into finding ONE HUNDRED worthy recommendations but damnit we did it. And now you (our glorious readers) are going to reap the benefits like you’ve never reaped before.

From horror to sci-fi to drama to comedies, we’ve thrown down the best of the year for you to hem and haw your way through, queue on your Netflix and prepare a full out assault on our picks. Attached to each entry is a blurb (usually from our original review) to give you the necessary details on the film and whet your palate for their respective tastiness. So batten down the hatches and get ready for one long read (or one hell of a skim) because we’ve got the Top 100 Movies of 2014 just a’waiting for you.

For those interested in a full-sized copy of our Best Films of 2015 poster, visit our Facebook page to download.

 

100. LIFE ITSELF

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Steve JamesLife Itself is a stirring documentary about the man behind the most famous film critic in the world: Roger Ebert. Documenting Ebert’s final months, we see a man who was challenged by his own ambition, who saw road blocks as doorways and would never back down from a fight – especially if it was about a movie he was passionate about. Old friends and colleagues come out to pass along stories of Ebert as do consummate directors – most notable a starry eyed Martin Scorsese – and the result paints a picture of a man fully passionate and fully human. If there is one film to reaffirm the meaning of film criticism, that seeks to define the inimitable bliss of true cinema, that holds a mirror at the world and asks us to seek out foreign – even dissenting – opinions, this is it.”

99. STALINGRAD

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Stalingrad, Russia’s first foray into 3D fare, is not without its problems but nonetheless offers an entirely visceral and well-balanced, if a touch patriotic, view of the bloodiest war in human history. Rather than speak in terms of us versus them, Feder Bondarchuk‘s film looks beyond the stars and stripes (er, hammers and sickles) of nationality and into the souls of a band of warriors, harrowed and hopeful anew as they were. Our ragtag team of note is no glorified troop of super soldiers, just a collection of tramps culled from all walks of life, as flawed and yet human as the enemy Nazi.” (Full Review)

98. JOE

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Joe populates a stretch of XL bible belted, confederate flag-waving backwoods Texas with rapists and murders of the worst degree, painting a picture so unrelenting bleak that a repeat drunk driver that spends his days in whore houses and/or dog fighting is our closest thing to a hero. It’s a place where slavery may as well have been yesteryear, where molestation lurks around every corner, where hope goes to die. It’s a small nowheresville of inexplicable evil. Like a flash sideways where Jack didn’t cork the Island’s malevolent juju (“Lost” reference alert). Joe lives in a land where morals come to roast on skewers and are snacked on by open-mouthed buffoons. This is Kentucky Fried hell. But even hell must have its fallen angels.” (Full Review)

97. THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY – PART 1

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“This is not a fun movie. Nor is it really geared towards kids. In the third outing of Hunger Games, you’re more likely to find subtext than battle. And yet Mockingjay – Part 1 is easily the most violent of the series. However, the violence isn’t physical so much as it is emotional; the taxing price of hope. This beginning of the closing chapter stomps out what it truly means to revolt; about the quiet minutia of a coup; the slogging footwork of a revolution. It’s not particularly eventful but it’s bloody well more interesting than more lathering, rinsing and repeating.” (Full Review)

96. SABOTAGE

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“Playing with so much camp, the proceedings can become bumbling and even dumb at times, but that comes with the territory. Sabotage is an homage to the action delights of the past; campy, twisty, and at times noodle-brained but always enjoyable and usually about one step ahead of the audience. In the battle of tipping the hat to classic action movies, Ayer proves he knows what he’s doing best. In a John Breacher vs Jack Reacher showdown, the later doesn’t stand a chance. The only real unforgivable aspect is they never fit the Beastie Boys anthem in there somewhere.” (Full Review)

95. THE HOUSES OCTOBER BUILT

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“What a conversation starter this one could be at the haunted house queue next Halloween. Being a bit of a dedicated haunted house aficionado, the dramatic tension that exists in The Houses October Built is is one any person who’s second-guessed an interactive horror experience can reason with: but what if they actually kill me? I went to one haunt this Halloween season in which I had to sign and fingerprint a waiver that basically said everything was hunky-dory if I, welp, died. This found footage flick is basically what if that basic premise went wrong. I won’t spoil anything beyond that, just know that it’s a rather calamitous and eerie ride.”

94. IDA
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Ida has a lot going for it: Pawel Pawlikowski stepping back into the limelight; nuanced performances from leads Agata Trzebuchowska and Agata Kulesza; a thoughtful, meditative soul; crisp, clean black-and-white cinematography from Lukasz Zal; and historical import. Pawlikowski’s film follows orphan Anna, who is about to take her vows. Before she does, her Mother Superior urges her to discover her roots, upon which Anna discovers that not only is she Jewish but her family was murdered in the Holocaust. Ida is not always an easy film but it’s potent and powerful, rife with themes of absolution and guilt.”

93. TUSK

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“As effective as any high dosage caffeine pill, Tusk is a wildly original, tonally inconsistent, totally appalling smorgasbord of nightmare fuel that won’t soon stop haunting me. Smith and Kurtzman’s inhuman union presents nothing short of disturbing imagery, doomed to forever rattle around my brain. With Tusk, Smith performs his own Kafkaesque lobotomy. It’s “Metamorphosis” a la The Human Centipede. It’s The Fly meets Hostel. For those weak of stomach and mind, it might be advisable to bring a barf bag.” (Full Review)

92. THE GRAND SEDUCTION

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“This delightfully moonstruck feature boasts Brendan Gleeson‘s comedian muscles and Taylor Kitsch‘s shtick (which, yes, is an anagram of Kitsch) for being the likable bad boy (Dr. Bad Boy here.) When their once-proud fishing harbor dries up,  Murray’s (Gleeson) only way to ween the town off the welfare checks is to secure a doctor in order to legitimize a bid for an oil repurposing facility. To do so, he and the town’s people unite to spy on Kitsch’s Dr. Lewis, transforming the town around them into Lewis’s own personal fantasyland. The gimmick is cute (without being too syrupy) and at times touching, reminiscent in tone to last year’s equally cheery/droll Philomena, and is an easy recommendation for the masses of moms and pops looking for a feel-gooder.”

91. HORRIBLE BOSSES 2

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“Reviewing comedy is a fickle game and one given over largely to subjectivity but for me, the comedy here really works, improving on a formula that looked better on paper than it actually was the first time around. Horrible Bosses 2 delivers on that promise of unabashed retardation. The first film was a half rack of ribs, occasionally tasty but built on chalky bones, while this is pure brisket; a tenderer cut that trims the fat and leaves just the jokes. The dead air has been filled with sweat, nicknames, non-sequitor and flagrant exaggeration. The archetypes are racketed up well past the point of normalcy with the energy of the group solidified in a sense of juvenile glee nothing short of infectious.” (Full Review)

90. A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES

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“With easy humor courtesy of Neeson’s growled quips, well-directed drizzly dramatics and a thick air of hardboiled, gloomy atmospherics, A Walk Among The Tombstones brings to life the aged marvel of a good noir. It’s not always perfect and may run a touch too long but it works heartily as a well-greased, appropriately artful affair. And for those expecting another Taken, don’t be scared off. This is miles better than Taken 3.” (Full Review)

89. THE ABCS OF DEATH 2

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“A marked improvement over the original A-to-Z horror anthology, The ABCS Of Death 2 makes great use of more than half of the alphabet. Directors from E.L. Katz to Rodney Ascher each take on a letter and massage them into some half-relevant short and the percentage of hits to duds is super impressive. Amateur, Capital Punishment, Deloused, Falling, Knel, Masticate, Questionnaire, Roullette, Split, Vacation, Xylophone, and Zygote each offer a diverse look at how to approach a short – from mucky animation to grotesque physical horror and violent psychological mind games, making a true collection of weird, offbeat horror shorts definitely worth digesting.”

88. 12 O’CLOCK BOYS

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“A searing look into the ethos of a gang of Baltimore dirt bikers, 12 O’Clock Boys follows young wannabe Pug as he aspires to join up with the revered crew. Named after the posture of a dirt bike pulling a gravity-defying wheelie, the 12 o’clock boys are at odds with the local police and the community at large. While they’re not gang members of the gat-wielding variety, their vehicular acrobatics puts other drivers at risk and often leads to the gruesome demise of their members. It’s a hard watch that’ll elicit conflicting emotions and is especially pertinent in the wake of the Ferguson events.”

87. CAMP X-RAY

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“Agenda-slinging, headline drama Camp X-Ray transcends expiration date glitz with universal tale of friendship. Burdened with a Guantanamo Bay premise and Twilight sensation Kristen Stewart in a headlining spot, expectations may come half-popped but Camp X-Ray manages to steer clear of inflammatory hot topic territory as Stewart and co-star Peyman Moaadi probe powerhouse territory.” (Full Review)

86. DOM HEMINGWAY

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“Bozer, loser Dom Hemingway may be renown for his safe-cracking fingers, but they don’t get an entire soliloquy dedicated to them like his little Dom does. In riotous, far-out hyperbolization, a madcap Jude Law as Dom describes his lowers bits with the candid immodesty of a Manson Family member. The camera jammed tight in his spittle-frothing face, he professes his undying love for his nethers. His Johnson is his fleshy David, his uncut Mona Lisa, his pube-riddled Sistine Chapel. It’s his masterpiece. You don’t hear of screenwriting lessons that teach starting a movie on a three minute penis-focused speech but after Dom Hemingway, they should.” (Full Review)

85. APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR

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“Appropriate Behavior might be another entry in the growing ‘struggling NYC girl’ genre but it’s generously funny,  sexy (in a weird, gangly way) and has a great cultural bent to boot. Writer, director and star Desiree Akhavan has broken out in a big way. Arkhavan’s freshly forthcoming perspective drives this deadpan narrative, allowing herself the creative liberty to spread wings in oft tread but nonetheless exciting directions. For a freshman effort, she shows a fine balance of caustic “could only be New York” humor, dreary but not-too-dreary dramatic overture and a topping of love story that actually allows the audience to dig our heels in. For all the well-intended love stories that grace the scene each year, it’s always appreciated to get one that feels earnest and real – an unfortunate rarity.” (Full Review)

84. THE BORDERLANDS

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“Where The Den, Mockingbird and Exists all commit the cardinal sin of less-than-combpelling characters, The Borderlands shines because director Elliot Gouldner rightly realizes that even in found footage movies, you need great characters. The Borderlands has plenty. Robin Hill and Gordon Kennedy star opposite each other as two Vatican investigators sussing out the legitimacy of a miracle claim and both bring life and complexity to their characters. Hill (who worked on other great horror flicks Kill List and Sightseers) is full of zingers while Kennedy brings a dark compassion to his bent-out-of-shape believer. Though the first couple acts feel a lot like just another haunting done found footage style, the claustrophobic last act is a thrill ride into hell itself.”

83. KILL THE MESSENGER

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“A living reminder of our government’s readiness to desecrate an individual in order to escape ownership of past crimes, Kill the Messenger is a wake up call for a slacktivism-obsessed generation of American citizens. It’s a film about caged justice, about evil actually prevailing and the lengths to which our once great nation will go to validate each and every transgression of their past. Lead Jeremy Renner is monstrous good as big-in-his-britches San Jose Mercury News reporter Gary Webb, an ambitious journalist who sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong and ends up getting stung by the barbs of a well executed smear campaign.” (Full Review)

82. OCULUS

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“Every once in a while a movie comes along that’s so terrifying that it slips into your dreams, taints your nightmares and has you looking cockeyed at creeks in the night. Oculus is not that film. Happy to be a well manicured vestige of frights, where dread prevails over scares, it’s pecking order rightly starts at the noggin. It’s more Psycho in nature than Scream, heralding suspense and mood building as models of import over attempts to sporadically lift you from you seat with a bump and a shout. Oculus does for mirrors what Hitchcock did for showers. We’re not afraid of them, they’re just a little creepier now.” (Full Review)

81. MYSTERY ROAD

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“Ivan Sen’s painterly cinematography, marked by brilliant orange sunrises and sweeping casts into endless flatlands, sets the tone for this Australian thinker’s thriller. With a Coen Bros meets Sergio Leone feel to it, Mystery Road is pretty much No Outback for Young Aborigine Ladies, a dark drama that manages to sneak muted undercurrents of racial aggression amongst its larger themes of derelict duty and parental responsibility. Restrained performances from Aaron Pederson and the like set against a manic Hugo Weaving makes for a nice dichotomy of character in a film well worth your time.”

80. WE ARE THE BEST!

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“A trio of 80’s Stockholm misfit band together to ignite a punk group even though they have no talent to speak of. Lukas Moodysson adapts the story with the help of his wife Coco Moodysson from graphic novel “Never Goodnight” and what is lost in translation is made up for by a seething sense of fun. The young performers are always on their mark, adding pathos to the sense of timeless adolescence captured on film. Screened at last year’s TIFF Special Presentation section, We Are the Best! has won over the hearts of critics and audiences who’ve heard the punk gospel and the reason couldn’t be more clear. It’s wholly lovable.”

79. JOHN WICK

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“John Wick eventually admits that it is in fact just the straight-forward actioner you’ve hoped it would transcend – with an ending you could forecast from 30 minutes in – but the sheer amount of adrenaline, relentless violence and smooth gunman skills help significantly to make up for its lack of an actual soul. This being the case, John Wick is a movie that dudes – be they of the male or action junkie femme variety – will have a lot of fun with but won’t find much else to talk about aside from its ceaseless  violence and well-timed dark comedy.” (Full Review)

78. LOCKE

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“True to its name, Locke slams us in a car with Tom Hardy for 85 mins as he’s forced to steer his life in new directions that ultimately orchestrates the end of his small but satisfying world. With Locke acclimating to the off-suit hand he’s been dealt, Hardy is given ample opportunity to flex his significant dramatic chops. Watching Hardy try to remain calm and collected shows unmatched restraint, even when his life goes up in flames.” (Full Review)

77. FORCE MAJEURE

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“To call Force Majeure a dramedy would be to misrepresent what it is, but I can’t think of another term to describe the hazy mixture of deeply uncomfortable comedy and shrill, sometimes even heart-breaking, dramatics. Ruben Östlund’s Swedish vacation film follows a family of four as they holiday in the stunning French Alps until a life-threatening event changes the course of their vacation and their relationships. As the familial tension mounts, you’ll find yourself quietly cackling one moment and alarmingly affected the next. A great display of foreign cinema taking greater risks than we’re used to stateside, Force Majeure studies the effects of a near-miss on the rocky ethos of a nuclear family and does it all while threading a narrow thematic needle.”

76. THE BABADOOK

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“An eerie children’s pop-up book warns that once you’ve seen the Babadook, you’ll wish you were dead. Thankfully, that’s not true of the film itself. This Australian ghost tale circles the real life  impossibility of single parent child-rearing in a film that’s part Home Alone and part The Shining. Babadook is a frugal little haunter that makes smart use of its minimalist means and wrings a borderline outstanding (or at least compelling unselfconscious) performance from its young actor, Noah Wiseman.”

75: I ORIGINS

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“David Hume was a Scottish Empiricist who believed that knowledge comes only from those things that we can directly observe. We know that double bacon cheeseburgers exist because we can see them, we can smell them, we can taste them (Mmmmm.) God on the other hand cannot be seen, smelt or tasted, so his existence is improvable (not to be confused with impossible.) Something like love though is more tricky for the empiricist philosophers because, we experience it acutely but not through any of those five basic senses. So what is love? Hell if I know. Thankfully, that’s pretty much what director Mike Cahill has to say as well. The empiricist can only know what’s there in front of them and on that basis alone, we can deduce that I Origins is a bold, immensely watchable philosophical journey. Rich with thematic nuance and stuffed with just the kind of questions that will keep you up at night pondering, I Origins is a brave addition to a growing collection of heady sci-fact pictures from Mike Cahill.”  (Full Review)

74. THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

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“For all the huffing and puffing we’ve done over Peter Jackson’s Hobbit trilogy, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is one big juicy payoff. For story look elsewhere, as Jackson’s latest is a smorgasbord of VFX battle scenes, one right after the other for practically the entire running time. Those not looking for elf-on-dwarf-on-man-on-orc action ought to look elsewhere as this is literally the foundation, the studs and the dry wall of this movie. Those thinking that sounds pretty, pretty good, rejoice, as this third Hobbit installment is Jackson’s most bombastic to date. Somehow it’s also his most restrained and the tightest of the series as well; it’s shorter and battle-ier than any LOTR-related installment and only has one ending. Color me satisfied.” (Full Review)

73. STARRED UP

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“A violent and volatile teen, Eric Love, enters a maximum security  English prison where the wrong word or glance can end with a cut throat. Rather than submit to his surroundings, Eric thrashes like a caged animal; an unpredictable bombshell armed to blow. Rupert Friend, Ben Mendelsohn and David Ajala ably fill out the supporting cast but it’s star Jack O’Connell who burns brightest; his portrayal of Eric is unblinking and – even behind such thick callous – heartily tragic. While some plot threads are left dangling, the potent performances and probing examination of dehumanizing prison ethos makes Starred Up more than a worthy trip to hell and back.”

72. OBVIOUS CHILD

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“Gaby Hoffman is dumped, fired and knocked up in the short span of a few weeks. As a stand-up comedian, she takes to the brick-walled stage to bear her scruffy soul to the captive audience of the club she frequents, armed with uncouth non-sequitors and filthy vaginal humor that’ll have some men (and even women) squirming in their seats. Hoffman’s decidedly feminist brand of humor is not unlike the highly trending small-chick-in-the-big-city of HBO’s Girls and its offspring, but her erratic raunch keeps affairs airy and laugh-heavy.”

71. THE DOUBLE


“If Terry Gilliam had made Fight Club, it probably would have looked a lot like Richard Ayoade’s The Double. Set in a steampunk dystopian tomorrowland, Jesse Eisenberg lays down august double duty, first as Simon James, a meek, nay spineless, employee in a dungy, Orwellian basement cubicle maze. When James Simon, his carbon copy in the looks department but his exact social opposite – James is an exceedingly debonair social-climber – moves in, Simon’s small world is irrevocably jolted. Grubby set design and hallucinatory foley work, set against the motif of closing doors and characteristic-less cultural nowhere, aid Ayoade’s prevailing sense of cautious pessimism in this thrilling, darkly comedic romp.”

70. HOUSEBOUND

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“Keeping in the great tradition of New Zealand horror comedy, Housebound is an irreverent splatter fest with chewy characters living through absurdist situations. When the criminally angsty Kylie Bucknell (Morgana O’Reilly) is put under house arrest with her “delusional” mother, she starts to realize that maybe there is truth to her mum’s belief that the house is indeed haunted. This NZed debut from Gerard Johnstone is stuffed with sardonic wit, mocking the tropes of horror movies past, while offering enough new wacky twists and turns to make it a fiery, often dazzling watch. Fans of Peter Jackson’s early work and/or Cabin in the Woods will find much to love in this underground horror comedy gem.”

69. THE INTERNET’S OWN BOY: THE STORY OF AARON SWARTZ

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“An excellent documentary focused on Aaron Swartz, an internet whizkid who gave key notes speeches along Harvard professors at only 12 before ending his own life at 25. Knappenberger’s stirring doc amounts to a serious indictment of a disharmonious America that values corporations over citizens and censorship over progress. In a society domineered by dishonesty and boundless enterprising, Swartz’s quest for something more amounts to a unwavering picture of corruption in our country’s prix-fixe adage of “be the best you can be.” ”

68: LUCY

“Lucy is a masterpiece of mockery and wit, made Hollywood by gorgeous, over-the-top CGI and Johansson’s and Freeman’s hilarious self-depricating work. With a first act that’s the Condescendence to Pfister’s Transcendence, Lucy is one big trap that never fully lets you in on the gag. Shot in Taipei, Paris and New York, Lucy is stunning, unpredictable and laugh out loud funny. All of this packed in at less than an hour and a half, you leave the theater refreshed and giddy.” (Full Review)

67: CREEP

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“Captured in what has become the oh so familiar first person POV framework, Patrick Brice takes on dual responsibility as the film’s lead and director. He is our window into the events to unfold, a fluctuating moral guide through a stew of character grays. Brice is Aaron, a videographer gun-for-hire who responds to a mysterious Craigslist ad claiming it will take one day of his time and pay a cool grand. Up in the mountains, he meets a Joseph, a man with claims of imminent death, making a farewell video for his unborn son. Brice and Mark Duplass love playing with the idea of the unreliable narrator as they fill the film with palpable moments of transitioning allegiances. There are times when Duplass feels like the titular creep, other times when it’s Brice. There’s even some fleeting moments where we turn the mirror on ourselves to see if we’re the ones prescribing oddness to an otherwise savory and sweet situation.” (Full Review)

66. X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

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“Social commentary is a mainstay of the X-Men franchise and, when done right, is what makes the series more than just a popcorn cruncher. All the issues of the past installments are present and expanded upon in thoughtful brushstrokes now with Singer behind the helm again. Holocaust allusions ripple through the narrative as much as ever before, now joined to themes of drug abuse, free will and destiny. With so many ideas and timelines floating around, the narrative could have easily gotten fuzzy, or worse yet, pretentious but Singer manages to keep the high-minded ideas in check with brilliant displays of blockbuster showmanship.” (Full Review)

65. UNDER THE SKIN

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“Like Clockwork Orange before it, Under the Skin unfolds in parabolic fashion with the rise and descent of our “heroine” – a mysterious seductress from another world. She’s not as uncouth as Alex but her victims are just as many. Glazer’s brazenly obscure opening sequence details our unnamed seductress in the belly of her inception. She’s pieced together with the wardrobe of casual victim the first, practicing newfound pronunciation, perfecting an English accent like Neo downloading Kung Fu. Wearing a Scarlett Johansson skin suit, the world is her oyster.” (Full Review)

64. MAGIC IN THE MOONLIGHT

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“Dissecting Woody’s latest is easier than scalpelling apart a frog. The three acts are built on loose seams, as easily identifiable as cheap Indonesian jeans. And though they might fit together awkwardly, like said pair of Indonesian jeans, you can’t but admire the brilliant recklessness of those first two acts. The result is further entrancing when backed by Darius Khondji’s delightfully dated cinematography – characterized by a preternatural sense of natural lighting – and Allen’s delicately crafted old-timey but sultry musical score. Though Woody slips towards something far more muted and monochromatic in the third act, the beginning is so full of magic that you can almost let it slide. Almost.” (Full Review)

63. GODZILLA

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“Though the performances are often showed up by the 150-foot beast stomping through the midst of Evans’ film, it is still a certifiable triumph, an idol of what studio films should – and can – do. If Pacific Rim made you feel like a kid again, all the more power to you and your dated nostalgia. I’m quite happy watching Godzilla and cherishing my adulthood, marveling at modern technology. Thankfully, Godzilla is the rare sort of big-scale entertainment that doesn’t dumb down to middle schoolers.” (Full Review)

62. 22 JUMP STREET

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“As far as ying and yang go, Hill’s wounded fay routine synchs perfectly with Tatum’s prom king duncemanship. As a college football announcer says (however not about their two characters) “They’re two peas in a pod.” Their comic timing is perfect as it their oddball dichotomy of character. Tatum’s cob-webbed thought process is blunted by Hill’s smart aleck ways and Lord and Miller find many opportunities to exploit their differences in hilarious and oft-kilter ways. Even if some of the laughs are expected, the amount of them will catch you off guard. It’s a non-stop flight of guffaws, a bullet train of side-splitters. Also, be sure to stick around for the credits which will likely have you rolling in the aisle.” (Full Review)

61. CHEF

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“A good home cooked meal is like nothing else. No fancily plated, truffle-shaven, Emerill Lagasse “BAM!” chow can really touch a good meal cooked with (oh god, I’m gonna say it) love. And even though Jon Favreau has a tendency to indulge in Food Network levels of food porn, he cooks up this good-natured story with an abundance of love. On the surface, Chef is a movie about food, family, and forgiveness but the undertones of artist’s passion are equally raging.” (Full Review)

60. CITIZENFOUR

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Laura Poitras
‘ portrait of Edward Snowden and his NSA whistle blowing is earth-quaking stuff. The clear front runner for Best Documentary at the 2015 Academy Awards, Citizenfour is a triumph because of its varied ability to get inside the story. Documentarian Laura Poitras not only offers a complete overview of all the facts but gets under the skin of the issue by closely tracking the emotional transformation of the controversial figure at the center of her film. A must-see for any and all American citizens, Citizenfour is an intellectually-driven descent into the madness of post 9/11 politics and the hazy hero-status of a new breed of revolutionary.

59. LOVE IS STRANGE

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“Love is strange. It’s hard to pin down, impossible to predict and most of the time doesn’t really make much sense. Aristophanes claimed that love was the end of the search for one’s other half. Plato stated that love is a serious mental disease. In the ironic tremble of John Lennon, “Love is all you need.” Ira Sachs’ lovingly made and tenderly acted film Love is Strange seeks to answer the question: is love all you need?” (Full Review)

58. TOP FIVE

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“Featuring a Who’s-Who of comedy cameos (Jerry Seinfeld, Kevin Hart, Tracy Morgan, Whoopie Goldberg, Adam Sandler, J.B. Smoove, Romany Malco, Cedric the Entertainer), Rock’s struggle is one of finding his voice. In the comedy cellars where he earned his bread and butter and became a fast rising star, he feels lost. As parallel, Rock hasn’t done a comedy special in half a decade. We’re well beyond the shouting, Chris is bearing his soul.” (Full Review)

57. SPACE STATION 76

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“The 1970s were an age of looking towards the stars. From Star Wars to Star Trek, it was a decade of endless possibilities, a time that saw instant dinners, laser weaponry and hovercrafts around every corner. It witnessed the culmination of the space race, the end of the Vietnam War, and the birth of a new unchartered epoch in the suburban trenches of Americana. Mimicking the uneasy blend of conservatism and forward-looking gung-ho-manship that defined the generation, with his tongue planted firmly in his cheek, Jack Plotnick has made Space Station 76 a soapy space opera; a smartly satirical smoothie of 70s manifest destiny – ripe with the impractical hopes of intergalactic expansionism – cut with the tedium of suburban ennui.” (Full Review)

56. THE LEGO MOVIE

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“With Phil Lord and Christopher Miller, the creative minds behind the first Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and the recently rebooted and well-received 21 Jump Street, at the helm, The Lego Movie has just as much focus placed on the comedy as the storyline and stylish animation. Accordingly, the jokes fly a mile a minute. Driving home a message that everyone’s special may be a little pear-shaped in the age of the Great Recession but there’s something intentionally ironic behind all the hackneyed encouragement. Maybe The Lego Movie would like to tell us we’re all special but that message only lingers on the surface. Beneath that, Lord and Miller reach out and jest,  “We know that’s not true, but that’s still cool.” ” (Full Review)

55. WILD (2014)

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Wild tells the true story of Cheryl Strayed, a wildly unprepared woman who embarks on the Pacific Coast Trail (PCT) in search of her salvation. Following her mother passes away, a bout with freebased heroine and a nether-region looseness even a porn star wouldn’t envy, Strayed has alienated her way to middle-class pariah status and seeks a kind of fool’s gold redemption out amongst the wilderness. Her transformation is Kafkaesque in nature, with nightmarish reality checks that make us cringe and an sense of her own evils floating just outside the screen. Busy editing keeps us engaged as does Jean-MarcVallée’s adroit eye for drama, even when the Malicky whisperings almost get out of hand, but it’s a fine performance from Reese Witherspoon that anchors it all together and makes it great. Humming with spirit and sure to leave even the grumpiest humbuggers somewhat inspired, Wild is a powerful tale of reclaiming the soul.”

54. AS ABOVE, SO BELOW

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“John Erick Dowdle is an alchemist. He’s turned $5 million dollars into a pantheon of terror in As Above/So Below; an adventurer’s misadventure set in the made-for-the-movies Paris catacombs. There’s eddies of blood, characters crawling on their hands and knees through piles of dusty human bones, haunting cult-like choirs providing some hair-raising ambiance and eerie demonic symbology caking the scenery. It’s Temple of Doom meets the claustrophobic unease of The Descent – a spooky, campy theme park ride of a horror flick that’ll get your blood boiling and pulse racing.” (Full Review)

53. NIGHT MOVES

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“A quiet, moody thriller that sees a band of three ecoterrorists – though I don’t think they’d take to that moniker – plot to take out a dam and the consequences that follow. At times appearing overindulgent in its environmentalist mindset, the well-defined classical three-act structure unravels into an open-ended nightmare that has destroyed its own political prejudices by the time the credits rolls. Night Moves is The East meets Taxi Driver with Jesse Eisenberg offering a haunted lead performance amidst a welcome return to form for the elder Fanning.”

52. INTRUDERS

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“With a title that works on many levels, Intruders is a Hitchcockian thriller by way of South Korea. A screenwriter tries to find recluse in a snowy off-the-beaten-path village but winds up with far more than he bargained for in this strange, exciting thrill ride. Though there are some technical snags – mostly born of budgetary constraints (Non Young-seok sorely needed a better indoor camera) – the festering story is a novelty of old and new, East meets West and with its nail-biting final act, will keep you guessing and on the edge of your seat until the closing moments.”

51. HONEYMOON

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“Director and co-writer Leigh Janiak though sees body snatcher subgenre as a chance to explore change on a microscopic scale, to prod just how absolutely horrifying it would be to see the one you love most temporally drained from their own body. As Bea and Paul’s deserted woodland homestead becomes an unwelcome chrysalis, we’re left with little more than the remains of an evaporating relationship. Like Bea’s special nightgown (though it’s more hoary than whory) that Paul finds in the woods after her disappearance, there’s chunks inexplicably missing, impossible to recover, chalked up to some pieceless puzzle.” (Full Review)

50. YOUNG ONES

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“Sprawling future Western quais-epic Young Ones offers a poignant deconstruction of sci-fi and western films, an allegorical gaze into a murky future that strips both genres down to the studs and builds them up as one. Brother of Gwenyth and Godson to Steven Speilberg, Jake Paltrow successfully brokers this moody, panoramic vista of draught dystopia by juxtaposing elements of hi-fi tech against the dust bowls and wind storms of plains life. Technology has taken great bounds forward, providing the illusion of solace to a society brought to their knees by perpetual thirst, but with water in such scarcity, this Western shanty town is on the brink of extinction. Life nectar that it is, water has become the new oil, a cherished commodity that’s become even more rare and necessary, a cause for showdowns and scuffles.” (Full Review)

49. HAPPY CHRISTMAS

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“Joe Swanberg returns to his meandering, improvisational ways in a comedy/drama about a new family unit celebrating their second Christmas, which is promptly crashed by recently dumped and perennially immature sister Jenny. Jenny (the irresistibly lovable Anna Kendrick) is a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pant’s kinda girl and Kendrick’s hopelessly awkward antics marry perfectly to Swanberg’s trackless filmmaking. His wandering style allows this grounded story of family fuck-ups to  highlight the little things in life (babies cackling and dogs chewin’ on bones) and is a fully worthy successor to last year’s borderline commercial Drinking Buddies.”

48. NOAH

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“From the grassroots inception of the film, Aronofsky talked at length about how he saw Noah as the world’s first environmentalist and environmentalist he is. Thanks to the lack of communication between Noah and “the Creator,” we see a man driven mad by his interpretation of His superior will. One could make the argument that Noah’s an eco-terrorist. Just about willing to commit infanticide for the good of the animals, the guy would make a great PETA president. He’s a man caught between divine will and his own humanity and the crossroads takes its toll. In this trademark reveal of fleeting sanity, Aronofsky puts his sick stamp on an ageless story.” (Full Review)

47. THE BOXTROLLS

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The Boxtrolls, Laika Studios’ third outing, sees more of the fledgling studio’s highly-demanding, signature stop motion animation come to life onscreen, flush with smart, though not game changing, camerawork and charming characters aplenty. This time around, Laika has moved the focus onto the characters, who look better realized than ever before. They’re much less choppy, almost to the point of appearing to be the work of CGI. Surprisingly in this case, with more precision comes more charm. And though The Boxtrolls is an unequivocal step up from the visually stunning but emotionally lacking Paranorman, it unfortunately doesn’t come close to the crazy heights of Coraline.” (Full Review)

46. SELMA

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“A rousing historical tour de force, Selma is an accomplishment of art and nonfiction coming to head; the product of historical accuracy colliding with a massively stirring lead performance from David Oyelowo and confident, assured direction from Ava DuVernay. Selma documents the events leading up to the Selma to Birmingham march in hopes of true voter equality, starting with Martin Luther King’s receiving of the Nobel Peace Prize. Though DuVernay’s picture isn’t always as taut as it should be – and there are some serious second act lulls – Selma thrives on the soaring energy of Oyelowo, who captures the powerful energy of the good Reverend MLK with earth-shaking force. Of biopics this year, DuVernay’s is a massive step above the humdrum The Imitiaton Game, and Oyelowo is a good step above Benedict Cumberbatch on almost all levels. It’s a damn shame that history once again couldn’t reflect the change that Selma and Selma sought.”

45. THE TRIP TO ITALY

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Rob Brydon and Steven Coogan leave foggy, fried North England behind for the breathtaking Italian coast where they wine, dine, and goof their way through a dream trip (one that inspires deep pangs of jealousy from this critic). The naturalistic hyper-reality they craft thrives on the weathered chemistry between the two stars. Their old-as-they-are relationship paves the way for improvisation prowess so organic its feels more like second nature than performance. More impressions, absolutely stunning vistas, Alanis Morissette’s croon, lazily waxing on life and pasta, pasta, pasta gives intrepid life to The Trip to Italy.”

44. CALVARY

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“A preist struggling with his faith and desperate for purpose in the murk of fog-blanketed, 21st century Ireland receives a death threat from an abused alter boy from his past. He has one week and then will be gunned down at the beach, he is told, so he’s got just enough time to get his affairs in order. Although Brendan Gleeson‘s Father James Lavelle may have never touched a fly, much less an alter boy, that’s exactly why this abusee wants to strike out at him, “I want to hurt someone good. Someone who has never hurt anyone.” Knowing he only has seven days to live, we see Father James amble through the five stages of grief and Brendan Gleeson is rapturous through it all. Calvary is an intrepid and deeply sobering drama, soaring from Gleeson’s dynamic performance. With the capacity to leave us hanging our heads  in despair, McDonagh looks past the low hanging fruit and aims for something infinitely more powerful and soulfully infectious; a  modern stance on what it truly means to sacrifice.” (Full Review)

43. BORGMAN

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“What the hell did I just watch?” many will ask after watching Borgman, the enigmatic Dutch film nominated for the Palm d’Or at last year’s Cannes. And that’s part of the magic of it. Heads end up in concrete buckets, unregulated surgeries are never explained, characters fall under the spell of the mystical Borgman (Jan Bijvoet) while others appear to turn to hellish hounds and back. The story is simple enough and yet filled with mystery: a grizzled hermit living underground is ousted by a shotgun-wielding priest and his small band of townspeople. He takes to the street, knocking on door after door to try to find a bath. But his true intentions are far more sinister and far more veiled. Even by the end, we’re not exactly sure what Borgman and his crew’s intentions are but we know all that they’re capable of.”

42. A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT

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“Check your expectations at the door, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is some kind of wonderful lightning in a bottle. How Ana Lily Amirpour takes familiar elements from vampire romance and morphs them into something wholly novel is sight unseen. This slow-moving Iranian art film makes way for a non-stop display of impeccably gorgeous celluloid, black-and-white images dancing against a grainy hi-fi score that’s in part Sergio Leone spaghetti Western and equally a rave scene. It’s eerie and beautiful, creepy and delicate, like Winding Refn taking on Jim Jarmusch. Quite unlike anything else you’ll see this year, Girl also holds the honor of being one of the most important, forward-looking flicks of the year. Who would have expected vampires to ever mean so much?”

41. THE HEART MACHINE

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“Would you fall in love in the wild, wild west of romance that is online dating? What if you believe that your betrothed were living in a foreign country only to discover that they are instead a mere stone’s throw away? Would you get jealous? Angry? Violent? Director and writer Zachary Wigon provides his surreptitious take on the ‘romance as app’ generation in what can only be described as a wry, 21st century romantic thriller in the superb The Heart Machine.” (Full Review)

40. THE INFINITE MAN

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“Equal helpings cerebral sci-fi and deadpan comedy, The Infinite Man is independent cinema at its most rewarding. Chartering a high-strung scientist whose well-intentioned attempts to create the perfect anniversary weekend goes horribly awry, director Hugh Sullivan‘s film at first seems narratively minimalist but by the time we’re a few layers deep, it begins to gingerly unfold into something far more brainy and grand than we first imagined.” (Full Review)

39. IN ORDER OF DISAPPEARANCE

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“Kraftidioten (or In Order of Disappearance) is a Norwegian black comedy that sees a snowplow man/upstanding citizen take justice into his own hands after his son is wrongfully murdered. Featuring a standout performance from the multilingual Stellan Skarsgård, this wintry take on everyman vengeance mixes doses of bleak internal battles in with blood-stained snow and murderous vegans for a darkly satisfying product, further improved by ponderous cinematography and unexpected giggles. Even though the second act loses the adroit pacing of the first, it all adds up to something sickly sweet.”

38. JODOROWSKY’S DUNE

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“A captivating journey into what should have been but never was, Jodorowsky’s Dune is a bittersweet fairy tale. The most influential film that was never made, Jodorowsky’s vision for his film version of Dune has bleed a plethora of its distinctively forward-looking DNA into most iconic of films. Star Wars, Alien, Terminator, The Matrix, this mind-boogling documentary presupposes that without the Dune that never was, none of these would have ever existed. Perhaps the most intriguing aspect is the stable of off-kilter talent Jodorowsky was able to reel into the project, including none other than Dali (yes, that Dali) and Mick Jagger. Though it’s almost depressing to see such a work of passion crash and burn as hard as it did, at least this wonderfully captured chronology of Jodorowsky’s Dune will carry on the legacy of one of Hollywood’s wildest and most missed-out on production. ”

37. TO KILL A MAN

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“Kubrickian in style and score – with hauntingly symmetrical shots and eerie, creeping soundscapes – To Kill a Man is grippingly adept at manufacturing tension. When a neighborhood terror won’t leave his family alone, feeble everyman Jorge must weigh the social and psychological consequences of taking matters into his own hands. Almendras’ understated film is a thoughtful and poetic piece, achieved slowly and with great care, that never skimps on honest emotional reflection to get to the heart of this chilling true tale.”

36. FRANK

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“With a big, fake head and a Jim Morrison-like access to lyrical poetry, Frank (Michael Fassbender) is as talented as he is prophetic, and potentially disturbed. Joe (Domhnall Gleeson), a talentless hack of a musician, wants to take advantage of Frank’s art; to transform it into a social media-friendly commodity. As Frank attempts to find his magnus opus, Joe dopily tries to package and sell it; a searing metaphor for Gen-X self-inflation en masse. Efficiently experimental, at times sermonist, and always outlandish, Frank is a powerful meditation on mental disease, commercialism and art, and all the brightly lit areas where they intersect. Frank also proves Fassbender can act like no other through a Papier Mâché helmet.”

35. A MOST VIOLENT YEAR

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“In which Jessica Chastain went overlooked for her fantastic supporting performance (so Meryl Streep playing a singing witch could be nominated for her 19th Oscar…), A Most Violent Year is J.C. Chandor‘s delicate, understated examination of ambition and conscience in New York City 1981. So dubbed for a record amount of crimes, Chandor’s film is deceivingly lax on violence. Instead, it’s a film about consciously avoiding violence and corruption; about the challenges of remaining incorruptible; about the foreigner experience of “The American Dream.” Oscar Isaacs soars in the lead role as Chandor’s film offers a challenging, intellectually playful throwback to ’70s crime dramas while holding two fantastic center performances in the spotlight.”

34. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL

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Here in 2014, Anderson’s ability to attract such a gathering of marquee names to his eccentric scripts has never been as potent. He’s a talent magnet and his tractor beam is set to high. It’s just too bad that this gathering of the juggalos is as caricaturesque as they are (arguable even more than the animated Fantastic Mr. Fox). But what can you expect when your face is painted up and you’re dressed like a Slovenian underground fashion show. Ralph Fiennes’ soulful gravitas brings immeasurable life to what is otherwise a series of cartoonish escape plots and hijinks. Anderson’s offerings are easy to consume and his persnickety eye for detail and Fiennes’ brilliant performance brings life by the pound to the otherwise far-fetched proceedings.” (Full Review)

33. VENUS IN FUR

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“As much a showcase for its two authoritative leads as it is an illustration of the power of theater, Venus in Fur continues Roman Polanski’s streak of adapting plays in fearlessly simple terms. While Carnage felt a little forced in its translation to the screen, Furs works wonderfully and the adroit performances matched with the clever subjugation of gender roles present in David Ives’s drama gives this pre-turn-of-the-century, play-within-a-play, dominatrix tale one to not soon forget.”

32. SNOWPIERCER

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“The horrors of a socially enforced caste system are all the more distressing when magnified to this degree and Snowpiercer’s cross section of inequality reveals spurring commentary on global disproportion that exists today. Sometimes you have to strip back the world to see the festering rot scurrying beneath and sometimes you have to cover it in ice to cull the warmth hidden inside. This way, it’s all the easier to pluck out the icy hearts that steer our world – or is it train? – towards a skewed and skewered social order from the fiery passion of human’s softer, more admirable side. It cuts in two ways: there’s always someone at the front of the train whose convictions have to be as chilly as their resolve in order to keep this train running. Is it then a coincide that injustice is spelled in just ice? (Sorry for the bad pun.)” (Full Review)

31. EDGE OF TOMORROW

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“Since all the Groundhog Dog jokes have already risen, seen their shadow and retreated into the proverbial internet hole, let’s just settle with calling Edge of Tomorrow a slightly derivative but monstrously enjoyable blockbuster. In a time where any project commanding a budget north of 100 million dollars is either dumbed down to the broadest of international audiences or stuffed with pew-pewing superheroes, witnessing this brand of thinking man’s blockbuster illicits nothing short of a deep sigh of relief. It might not have the layers of Inception or the majesty of Avatar but its fleet-footed cadence, wily comic timing and crackerjack combat spectacles makes for one ace summer tentpole.” (Full Review)

30. THE ONE I LOVE

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“Like stepping into a long-form Twilight Zone episode, The One I Love explores whether we would trade out our loved ones for more idyllic versions. Mark Duplass and Elizabeth Moss occupy the entirety of the film (with a brief appearance from Ted Danson) with palpable magnetism, fleshing out two sides of the same coin: the bumbing and the suave; the bitchy and the demure. The mechanisms are left intentionally vague so that our focus is left on the characters, and not the how or the why of it all. This thirty little indie film might not fix easily into a box but that’s what makes it all the more special.”

29. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

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“Unlike previous Marvel movies, Guardians doesn’t rely on a cliffhanger; it’s not a sleek, flawless package; it’s not busy setting the table for what’s next; it’s not just another commercial for the inevitable team-up with Iron Man and Thor and Hulk and Black Widow and Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver and Captain America and The Winter Solider and Falcon and War Machine (er, Iron Patriot?). It’s a well-balanced breakfast in itself: it’s properly buttered toast and scrambled eggs and orange juice and a little bit of Dave Batista trying to act all served up with a smile.” (Full Review)

28. FOXCATCHER


“With a measured dose of restraint, Bennett Miller’s Foxcatcher offers ample insight into a complexly noncomplex character, staging an acting showdown for Steve Carrell, Mark Ruffalo and Channing Tatum (the former two should and will earn Oscar nominations.) It’s withdrawn and quiet – Rob Simonsen’s melancholy score is a spider, trapping us in Miller’s sobering web; absent more often than naught  –  the kind of Oscar bait that clearly registers as such but is still ultimately devastating.” (Full Review)

27. ZERO MOTIVATION

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“An Israeli take on Joseph Conrad‘s seminal novel “Catch 22”, Zero Motivation looks at the hijinks of a female unit inside a Tzahal military base. Directed with zany aplomb by female Israeli director Tayla Lavie, this chaptered saga of woman in uniform vs. ennui is characterized by a soaring sense of voice and sees stars Dana Ivgy and Nelly Tagar face down the clock as they Minesweep their way through their deafeningly dull military assignment – paperwork. A dark comedy with as many barbs as points, Zero Motivation  is a delicious and original vision, percolating with purpose.”

26. HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2

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“Soaring nearly as high as its predecessor, How to Train Your Dragon 2 represents the best that animation has to offer. With Roger Deakins serving as a visual consultant, the film looks goddamn brilliant with Dreamworks ushering in a new gold standard for animated features in era of post-Pixar brilliance. And while most (if not all) of the comic beats fall on deaf ears (and ought to have been cut entirely), Dragon’s heart is so big and worn so proudly on its sleeve that you’ll have to be a monster to not erupt in tears on multiple occasions in this undeniably excellent yarn on a man’s maturing relationship with his beast.”

25. THE SKELETON TWINS

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“Bill Hader just had his coming out party. He may not be gay, but he’s a star. The Skeleton Twins is unabashedly entertaining; a darkly comic, tactfully told dramedy that probes the darkest of places with the funniest of people. Kristen Wiig and Luke Wilson join Hader to round out a cast of unsung heroes taking the spotlight, each firmly on their mark and spontaneously hilarious throughout. For a film that circles suicide, it is the funniest of the year (so far) and the cast’s effortless deadpan will have you in absolute, ROFL stitches.”

24. SEQUOIA

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“Sequoia tells the story of Riley (Aly Michalka), a 23-year old with irreversible oral cancer. Laid out with news that she’s entered the fourth and final stage of her affliction and faced with the reality that the next step in the process involves sawing off  her lower jaw (even though the odds would still be 80% against her favor), Riley has decided to take her own life in the serenity of Sequoia National Park. She muddles up a few bottles of sleeping pills, spikes her water with it, and waits for the white light. With writer Andrew Rothchild’s tenderly biting words married to Aly Michalka’s soul-melting performance, director Andy Landen proves there’s still a place for storytellers with a unwavering voice and a powerful message. He makes Sequoia painfully honest and emotionally gutting; wistful but never sentimental.” (Full Review)

23. BLUE RUIN

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“Enveloped in a scent of Coen Bros, Blue Ruin is a masterclass in indie reinvention – reinvention of genre, of character, even of plot subversion. But no matter how familiar the elements we know to comprise revenge flicks, we never exactly know where Blue Ruin is going to turn next. It’s a quiet tirade of doomed duty with explosive showdowns and tactful character arcs that adds up to a hell of a good movie.” (Full Review)

22. NYMPHOMANIAC

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“In a marriage of comedy and tragedy, Trier mines the unparalleled success of Nymphomaniac. Captured through an admirable stripped down cinesphere of grubby locales and queued with a truly bipolar score, the technical aspects surrounding the film are a deft house of cards. Without cinematographer Manuel Alberto Claro’s grim but provocative pictures, the uninviting hospitality of Trier’s landscape would lose its oddly captivating appeal. In a way, Joe’s scarred humanity is a victim of circumstance, a product of his European bleakness.” (Full Review)

21. KUMIKO THE TREASURE HUNTER

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“Out in the wild throes of a gusty suburban sprawl, the misanthropic Kumiko has got her manifest destiny mixed up with fairy tales. Her journey is one of a maniac but no matter how strange Kumiko is, she never has fully lost her sanity. There’s always an inkling of suspicion of the real world lingering behind the black pools that are Rinko Kikuchi’s ever thinking eyes. She’s not stark, raving mad. She’s going the distance. Borderline eremitic, Kumkio has taken a vow of no surrender. No matter what immeasurable odds stack up against her, she is committed to her quest, married to that forlorn Fargo satchel buried somewhere out there in the snow, willing to swallow the pill of do or die. Watching her dizzyingly reckless plot, photographed by Sean Porter’s dynamic eye and rinsed with The Octopus Project’s magical score, The Zellner Brothers cast an indelible spell, they help us find the beauty in banality, the peace in tragedy.” (Full Review)

20. THE ROVER

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“The Rover is far enough off the beaten path to call for your attention and admiration, from a filmmaker buzzing with gusto, even if it is occasionally hamstrung by its candid straightforwardness. Nonetheless, Michôd’s tender hand and Pattinson’s awe-inspiring performance are quietly devastating throughout. Like Rey, The Rover is simple without being simplistic, wandering without being directionless, and solitary without being one-note. And maybe most importantly, it’s a signal that Pattinson may yet be a star, but in an entirely different way than we first imagined.” (Full Review)

19. STARRY EYES

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“Wringing all the best elements of a dark character study with the deeply unsettling nature of the body horror genre, Starry Eyes soars on the wings of star Alex Essoe whose performance is the bombastic centerpiece of the film – the gory bride on a red velvet wedding cake, the bouquet of rotting roses on some unmarked grave. Her positively brilliant turn as Sarah reminds us  of Natalie Portman’s Oscar-earning performance in Black Swan and Shelly Duvall’s massively underrated embodiment of horror in The Shining. She’s at once totally in control and veering from the tracks of sanity. As she makes more and more conceits of character and body, Essoe’s arc becomes unforgettable, an indelible bookmark of Starry Eye’s staying power.” (Full Review)

18. THE DROP

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“Pitch perfect performances grounded by a bare-bones gangster plot and a neglected puppy makes The Drop a sweeping human story surging with thematic undertones of good versus evil.  Returning after the majorly affecting Bullhead, Belgian director Michael R. Roskam enters the English language game to deliver yet another absolute wonder of subtlety and character. Backed by a screenplay from Denis Lehane (Shutter Island, Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone), who adapted from his own short story “Animal Rescue”, The Drop is a nerve-wracking shadow game that puts the players at the forefront and lets the underlying crime elements serve as a guide to move those characters into different lights.” (Full Review)

17. ERNEST & CÉLESTINE

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“Ernest & Célestine is a tale you never want to stop; a true love story, a lasting fable. And, just like any good story, it starts with a rhyme. An elegant rhyme that flows just as beautifully as the film itself: Qu’est-ce que tu dessines, Célestine? What are you drawing, Celestine? Among a throng of curious young mice, she’s sketching a bear and a mouse playing together. Blasphemy! they say. Bears and mice can never mix! It’s just not done!” (Full Review)

16. IT FOLLOWS

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“One of 2014’s best horror films, It Follows imagines a STD unlike any other, one that claims the life of its victims not by whacking blood cells but by pathogenic haunting. You see, whomever the curse is passed onto is “followed” by a mysterious supernatural being sans discrimination. Like the leisurely-trotting slasher baddies of yore, the titular “it” is a beast of slow-footed intention, always marching towards its victim with its idle cadence. Director David Robert Mitchell deals in wild abstractions while still managing a very real grip on reality, allowing his characters to live on a plane of existence parallel to ours, rightfully ripe with many of the same headaches. Teenage angst and sexual frustration are equally important to the doubtlessly endeavored antagonist in It Follows making a horror film that’s largely inspired by the genre’s past and yet not quite like anything else before it.”

15. COLD IN JULY

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“If We Are What We Are was Mickle figuring out his footwork, Cold in July is him mastering his alarmingly bleak samba. There may be no cannibals out for blood and bone this time round but there’s no shortage of underbelly material that’ll have your eyes racing for cover. As the next chapter in Mickle’s ascension, Cold in July is a wonderfully stylized jangle of unsettling imagery, deep-seated tension, and brash, bold, cold comeuppances. (Full Review)

14. THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

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“What’s possibly the biggest surprise of The Theory of Everything is just how winning every aspect of Marsh’s tale truly is. It functions on so many levels, attacking so many sectors of what we look for in a film. It’s futile to resist its supreme good taste. For a movie equally given to quirks, quacks and quarks, the bumbling never detracts from the charm. Marsh’s brief history of Hawkings is at once timely and timeless, matching intellect for emotion and absolutely thriving on two stunning performances.” (Full Review)

13. 10,000 KM (LONG DISTANCE)

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“Anyone who’s lived through a long distance relationship will find alarming truth in 10,000KM, a bittersweet romance stunningly directed by Carlos Marques-Marcet and brilliantly acted by Natalia Tena (Game of Thrones) and David Verdaguer. In truly all accords, it’s a phenomenal film; real, honest, emotional and poised to hit the nerve of lovers living through the e-generation. How people helplessly grow apart with distance is approached from nearly every angle to create an unfathomable experience so intimate, personal and gutting that you’ll be as wrecked as the star-crossed lovers when all is said and done.”

12. WETLANDS

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“David Wnendt reveals the story of Helen like a curious voyeur flipping through a teenage diary. Dexterous editing and a bevy of great scenes help to bring Helen’s dirty flirty persona to light and though she may seem cavalier, she’s also deeply introspective, a trait courtesy of Carla Juri’s youthfully vibrant performance. The bouquet of scandalous sexual contortions are provocative and repulsive yet oddly alluring and instinctually sexy. With the definitive pit stains of European cinema, these hygiene hijinks are surely controversial, especially for an American audience, but dig much deeper than its surface vulgarity.” (Full Review)

11. CHEAP THRILLS

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“Fear Factor left behind the rule book in E.L. Katz’s ultra-violent parody on American economic desperation that mixes murky morality with a heavy twist of sadism. Pat Healy puts in a monstrous performance as the film’s lead, a man on his last financial leg who runs into old buddy Vince the same night he meets a man with deep pockets set to change his life… if he’s willing to go the distance. Unlike anything else, Cheap Thrills is an unrelenting descent into the depths of how low humanity will go for money. Whether it involves fisticuffs, B&E, sex, or even auto-cannibalism, Katz’s film asks, “What is your limit?” ”

10. ENEMY

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“What occurs as Enemy progresses is quaking, the earth below your feet seems to tremor faster and faster, moving its way up the Richter scale. A floating Tarantula as big as a Goodyear blimp slinks its way over Toronto. A woman’s body with a Tarantula’s head walks upside down through a corridor. At 90 minutes, it shrinks and expands the mind, then ends abruptly with no questions answered. Enemy is a rollercoaster personally designed by the Devil. Twist and turn, crash and burn.” (Full Review)

9. THE GUEST

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“Slam Drive and Stocker together, rub them down in a spicy 80’s genre marinate and sprinkle with mesmerizing performances and dollops of camp and you have The Guest. Like a turducken of genre, Adam Wingard’s latest is a campy horror movie stuffed inside a hoodwinking Canon action flick and deep fried in the latest brand of Bourne-style thriller. It’s clever, tense, uproarious, and hypnotizing nearly ever second.” (Full Review)

8. THE RAID 2

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“To try to boil down what is so sublimely excellent about The Raid 2: Berandal is a futile exercise in tilting at windmills. It’s like boxing a griffin, outthinking a Sicilian, or KY-Jelly wrestling an anaconda. Instead of trying to describe the irrepressible satisfaction this balls-to-the-walls, smarter-than-your-dad actioner elicits, instead conjure up what it felt like to lose your virginity, if you lost your virginity in a ten-on-one man brawl in a pit of mud.” (Full Review)

7. DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

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“As Reeve’s film leaks historical allegories like a zesty geyser, his political astuteness pans to a smart dissection of why we choose war in the first place. War is a side effect of fear, fear a scar of misunderstanding. Koba’s are scars that cannot be healed. Dreyfus won’t stand for Three-Fifths of a vote. Peace is a process. Wars start inevitably. It’s not that these two civilizations could not peacefully co-habitate, it’s that sometimes a punch in the face seems like a more swift resolution than drawn-out talks.” (Full Review)

6. BOYHOOD

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“Calling it a coming-of-age story feels slight as Boyhood tracks the joy and pain of growing up, one delicate moment at a time. We find ourselves in Macon, a perceptive youth, in his strength and in his weakness, in his whiny teenage angst and his youthful abandon, in his quasi-stoned prolific moments of reflection and his meekest helplessness.” (Full Review)

5. FURY

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“To boil Ayer’s masterful Fury down to “war is hell” is to ricochet off the mark. To call it a movie without subtext is to poke holes in a block of swiss. The themes stare you in the face, they thump into your cranium and they sick in your soul. They bear witness to wartime masculinity pig-piling on itself in a nasty, self-fulfilling  prophecy that causes and perpetuates war. The rally speeches become just as dangerous as the nuclear weapons. The hoorahs build into their own Manhattan Projects.” (Full Review)

4. NIGHTCRAWLER

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“With a name as innocuous as Louis Bloom, you wouldn’t initially suspect the lead character of Nightcrawler to be so dangerous. But the virulent Lou is the kind of guy who dissolves into shadows; who feeds vampirically in the darkness. He’s not a villain so much as a force of nature. Silent but deadly. Throughout the film, Lou’s facial expressions percolate with a kind of serpentine other-worldliness. As if his tongue could dart from his mouth at any moment to nip at the night air. It doesn’t. He remains squarely within the realm of the human. No matter how inhumane he is. A testament to Dan Gilroy’s narrow degree of restraint and Gyllenhaal’s tightrope-walking ability.” (Full Review)

3. WHIPLASH

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“Through Chazelle’s assured hand and Blacklist-topping script, Whiplash is fantastically dynamic – a perfect ode to that musical constant acting a central catalyst to the film’s narrative. While students get smacked for being the slightest bit off tempo, Whiplash is unmistakably paced to precision –  the loving design of a satisfied perfectionist.” (Full Review)

2. GONE GIRL

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“Always going, going, gone, David Fincher absolutely hits it out of the park. Gone Girl is one of the best, and darkest, visions he’s ever dished up. Always one step before the action, Fincher demands we race to catch up. Each shot ends just marginally too quickly. His vision is frantic by design. Things get lost in the dark that are never recovered. You just have to pretend along with it.” (Full Review)

1. BIRDMAN

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“Steeped in an exacting degree of irreverent relevance, Iñárritu’s able to pull off the rare feat of raising existential questions in the same scene that he blows up a cityscape. It’s like seeing Black Swan and A Beautiful Mind fist-fighting in a Charlie Kaufman play; a crossroads of cinema and theater that’s entirely novel and entirely brilliant.” (Full Review)

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Top Ten Movies of 2014

Let’s be frank: 2014 was a killer year for film. It was so murderous, you could call it Lou Bloom; so voluptuous, you could call it Eva Green. It was so sweet and sexy, you could call it Hello Kitty. If you were amongst the ranks of dissenters, whining on some Lazy-E-boy somewhere about how there weren’t enough Trans4mers movies or Hercules adaptations, you’re wrong. That’s all there is to it. 2014 popped cherries. It was violently mayhemious, hallucinatorily glorious, redonkulously fist-to-facey and totally, wholeheartedly, unapologetically weepy (yeah, I teared up more than once, what’s it to you?).

2014 was the year that Bill Murray aped a grump, Tom Cruise aped Bill Murray and Andy Serkis aped an ape. It was a kick-to-the-shinception of a year with title releases that saw anal polyps pop in sexplotitation flicks (Wetlands), hammer fights (The Raid 2), Ridley Scott falling on his face (Exodus: Gods and Godhelpmethismovieisbad), doppelgängers galore (Enemy, et al.), hungry games (some that involved auto-cannibalism, some that didn’t), Christopher Nolan falling on his face (Inter-mitently-stellar), STDemons (It Follows), Walrusfurmations (Mr. Tusk, Tusk, Mr. Golden Tusk) and lots and lots of bloody bloody vengeance (too many to list.)

It told the tales of Martin Luther King (Selma), of James Brown (Get On Up), Stephen Hawking (The Theory of Everything), Alan Turring (The Imitation Game), John Du Pont (Foxcatcher), Cheryl Strayed (Wild), Noah (Noah), Roger Ebert (Life Itself), Robyn Davidson (Tracks), Alejandro Jodorowsky (Jodorowsky’s Dune), Maziar Bahari (Rosewater), Jimi Hendrix (All is By My Side), Dido Elizabeth Belle (Belle), Joe Albany (Low Down), Cesar Chavez (Cesar Chavez), Abraham Lincoln (The Better (more like worse! heyooo!) Angels), and a dude named Sky Lord.

This 14th year of the 21st century crammed every element possible into the indie box, shook it up and spurted it out like spicy hot cream. From sci-fi (Space Station ’76, Young Ones) to DIY game shows (Cheap Thrills, Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter), road trips (Chef, The Trip to Italy) to Twilights Zones (The One I Love, The Double), there was more buried treasure than a pirate map. Trouble is, with all these untrumpeted indie releases, you often do need a map to find them.

Maybe the fact that I attended three film festivals (Sundance, SXSW and SIFF) and was able to eke out some hidden gems that would go on to sneak past most audiences (and critics. Poor, lonely, lonely critics) helped me come to the assertion that 2014 rocked the socks off of c*cks but even without those underground, super covert, keep-them-secret-keep-them-safe riches, 2014 had a trove of wide-releases to match.

Those who guard galaxies, John Wicks, men with X’s in their names, Hobbitses, noir Liam Neesons, Godzillas and lobby boys all helped transformed the mass media cinema culture of 2014 into one worth remembering, even in the face of a fast approaching year that will see Han f*cking Solo behind the wheel of the Millennium f*cking Falcon.

Honorable mentions won’t be ticked off as we’re in the process of cranking out a top 100 movies of 2014 list and that does more than the duty of a normal man’s honorable mentions section. So ten tops and ten only. No funny business. No ties. No b*llshit. So strap in, check yourself before you wreck yourself and let’s make a f*cking list.

 

10. ENEMY

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If 2014 was a year about blowing minds, none did it more casually and assuredly than Denis Villenue‘s total tonal WTF-fest Enemy. Starring not one but two Jake Gyllenhaals, Enemy tracks a man coming to terms with his own fracturing identity. Or did it? This existential experiment about giant spiders, locks’n’keys, balls’n’chains, dreamscapes, unrelenting ambiguity and twinsies might at first appear to be a bundle of malarky but once you dig your heels into it and break it down like a certifiable horse whisperer, everything miraculously makes sense. Not necessarily in a 5+5=10 kind of makes sense way but I’m willing to content that I have an explanation for this film (that I won’t divulge here) that will convincingly put the many aggressively jigsawed pieces into satisfying place. As the unholy apex of violently disorienting endings, there’s yet to be a movie this year that tops the complete and total f*ck you that Enemy seemingly ends on and yet, going back over it all with a fine-toothed comb (or a scalpel, it’s really up to you) it’s a masterpiece of a mind-game that isn’t as unsolvable as the casual observer may assume. For blowing my mind and allowing me to eventually recover it, Enemy sneaks into the tenth spot.

“What occurs as Enemy progresses is quaking, the earth below your feet seems to tremor faster and faster, moving its way up the Richter scale. A floating Tarantula as big as a Goodyear blimp slinks its way over Toronto. A woman’s body with a Tarantula’s head walks upside down through a corridor. At 90 minutes, it shrinks and expands the mind, then ends abruptly with no questions answered. Enemy is a rollercoaster personally designed by the Devil. Twist and turn, crash and burn.” (Full Review)

9. THE GUEST

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Heading into last year’s Sundance Midnight Premiere of The Guest, I had nothing to go on save for the above image – an armed, robo-faced Arayan slipping through a blood-red colorscape with all the wrong kind of intent. The film that followed knocked me out (and this is after seeing five (!!!) films already that day). The Guest left me humming and high on transcended genre thrills, shellshocked from grenades and ringing in the ears from some large caliber weapon or other. I was hooked like a junkie on that sweet blue sky. Dan Stevens is a dream in the eponymous role, guiding us through Adam Wingard‘s hallucinatory and unapologetically violent landscape with the cold-hard gusto of a seasoned pro, forcing smiles, guffaws, sneers and drop jaws in equal, calculated doses. The concept of the film could be reduced to “What if Bourne malfunctioned?” and the result manages to feel fresh, even through curtain after curtain of homage. When I caught The Guest for a second time, I found that my initial enjoyment hadn’t been stayed so much as intensified – this was clearly one of the most entertaining films of the year and for it, has earned a spot on this list.

“Slam Drive and Stocker together, rub them down in a spicy 80’s genre marinate and sprinkle with mesmerizing performances and dollops of camp and you have The Guest. Like a turducken of genre, Adam Wingard‘s latest is a campy horror movie stuffed inside a hoodwinking Canon action flick and deep fried in the latest brand of Bourne-style thriller. It’s clever, tense, uproarious, and hypnotizing nearly ever second.” (Full Review)

8. DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

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There were no blockbusters this year that came close to topping Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. I mean, the freakin’ thing had apes firing automatic weapons on horseback. And tanks. And some of the most harrowing depictions of war ever set to screen. And tanks. That’s because Reeve’s film dealt with the idea of the anatomy of war and of a war mentality with a kind of sobering ideology that so few blockbusters dare to touch. It’s war sans glory. There are no heroes, just a bunch of wounded f*ck-ups. Andy Serkis‘ monkey-work was arresting as always (green screen bling king) but it was Toby Kebbell who stole the show as the year’s best villain, the emotionally-and-physically scarred Koba. There were few scenes this year that were more powerful than when all-out warfare erupts at the hands of Koba. That 360 tank sequence was a dream within a nightmare but when Koba literally drags an unwilling soldier to his death, you realize that the dreams of revolution can only be written in bright red streaks. These were haunting moments of filmmaking somehow stuffed into a PG-13 movie about monkeys ruling the world. What the hell? But even when you strip back all the ambitious themes of the film, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is still a mighty entertaining piece of blockbuster fare with unbelievably perfect FX work and stunning camera work. It really does work on every level.

“As Reeve’s film leaks historical allegories like a zesty geyser, his political astuteness pans to a smart dissection of why we choose war in the first place. War is a side effect of fear, fear a scar of misunderstanding. Koba’s are scars that cannot be healed. Dreyfus won’t stand for Three-Fifths of a vote. Peace is a process. Wars start inevitably. It’s not that these two civilizations could not peacefully co-habitate, it’s that sometimes a punch in the face seems like a more swift resolution than drawn-out talks.” (Full Review)

7. THE RAID 2

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And then there’s Gareth Evans borderline genius The Raid 2; an action movie that makes guns look p*ssy-shaped in the face of a fury of hand-to-hand combat, that unloads scene after scene of inhumanely choreographed fistsplosions and that delivers perhaps the best martial arts movie of all time (or at least of the last decade). What this second Raid movie has over the first is a good story, and a damn good one at that. Like Internal Affairs and The Departed before it, The Raid 2 tells the tale of a deep cover agent, set with all the angsty check-behind-the-lamp paranoia and grueling psychological breaks that such a position demands. But that doesn’t really matter once the car chase scene rolls around and is filmed by a dude disguised as a seat cushion. Evans – who wrote this before he wrote and directed the first film – doesn’t skimp on the narrative gooeyness and when he eventually launches into a balls-to-the-walls orgy of violence that’ll have your blood pumping in ungodly, death-inviting spurts, you’ll know that you were born to behold this film. It’s just all so righteous.

“To try to boil down what is so sublimely excellent about The Raid 2: Berandal is a futile exercise in tilting at windmills. It’s like boxing a griffin, outthinking a Sicilian, or KY-Jelly wrestling an anaconda. Instead of trying to describe the irrepressible satisfaction this balls-to-the-walls, smarter-than-your-dad actioner elicits, instead conjure up what it felt like to lose your virginity, if you lost your virginity in a ten-on-one man brawl in a pit of mud.” (Full Review)

6. BOYHOOD

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Boyhood topped my most anticipated list for 2014 and for some time, I considered it my favorite film of the year. There is something undeniably magical about watching young Ellar Coltrane grow up before our very eyes in Richard Linklater‘s ambitious 12 year experiment and that something makes for a film that demands our uninterrupted empathy like few others have. It truly gave me all the feels. Some have confused Linklater’s long-gestated gimmick as a form of indie-cred beating off where it’s really just offbeat genius. Watching Boyhood for the second time didn’t ignite all the fiery passions that it had the first so it’s lost a little traction throughout the year with me, but nothing can make me forget that first magical experience I had with it, sitting amongst the first audience to behold its glory in a giant Sundance screening room. Revisiting the oh-so-true growing pains of adolescence was heart-rending enough but Boyhood really thrives in the quieter moments where we just sat back and watched an unextraordinary young boy mature, awkwardly bragging about hooking up with a girl from out of town, huffing back on a doobie and having the cavalier gaul to admit his highness to his mom, chatting with his dad about girls and Star Wars. It may be the film on this list that I’ll re-watch the least, but it shouldn’t be.

“Calling it a coming-of-age story feels slight as Boyhood tracks the joy and pain of growing up, one delicate moment at a time. We find ourselves in Macon, a perceptive youth, in his strength and in his weakness, in his whiny teenage angst and his youthful abandon, in his quasi-stoned prolific moments of reflection and his meekest helplessness.” (Full Review)

5. FURY

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I’m willing to admit that David Ayer‘s Fury is a bit of a mess. Then again, aren’t most of Tarantino’s films? (If you say no, I’d like to direct you to the Django Australian miner scene…) Django was my favorite movie of 2012 because it was big and weird and overwritten. And dazzling and savage and brilliant. It was great not in spite of its giddy flaws but because of them. Fury shares the same traits. Somewhere in the midst of it, the crew settles down to an impromptu dinner party (a scene that has divided critics and audiences alike). It sticks out from the rest of the movie like a sore thumb and yet is one of the most beautiful, affecting scenes of 2014. Then Ayer follows that up with Fury‘s tracer-fire highlighted Tiger tank battle and you can forgetaboutit. It’s a movie that works scene-to-scene maybe a touch better than it does as a whole but as an assemblage of scenes, Fury is a big, beautiful, bent out of shape ball of fire and I unabashedly loved it. Ayer dares to air out old things in new light (war as a job. As a mostly shitty but sometimes awesome job) and his film features the best ensemble cast work of the entire year. Push back all you want, Fury is here to stay.

“To boil Ayer’s masterful Fury down to “war is hell” is to ricochet off the mark. To call it a movie without subtext is to poke holes in a block of swiss. The themes stare you in the face, they thump into your cranium and they sick in your soul. They bear witness to wartime masculinity pig-piling on itself in a nasty, self-fulfilling  prophecy that causes and perpetuates war. The rally speeches become just as dangerous as the nuclear weapons. The hoorahs build into their own Manhattan Projects.” (Full Review)

4. NIGHTCRAWLER

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We’re getting down to the big ones at this point and there’s perhaps no movie bigger, bolder and more bonkers this year than Dan Gilroy‘s Nightcrawler. From the very moment we stumble upon Lou Bloom, the sociopath with a banker’s name, everything feels like a happy accident, as if Gilroy’s camera just happened upon this X-manly-purported slip of a human and decidedly followed him like a nightly news crew. But there’s no accidental filmmaking in Nightcrawler (there are many accidents, though mostly of the vehicular kind) and as Gilroy bends his titular Nightcrawler into bigger and odder shapes, he makes room for one of the most important and mind-altering filmic trips of the season. With the borders filled in by revivalist performances from Rene Russo and Bill Paxton – and a whole chunk of space dedicated to Riz Ahmed‘s consciously unconscious thespian discharge – Gilroy’s perfectly written diatribe to greed and America’s obsession with suburbian horrors becomes the most arresting and visceral thematic account of where we stand as a nation and featured the best performance of the year in Jake Gyllenhaal. Greed is good is dead. Long live all is greed. Long live Lou Bloom. Long live Jake Gyllenhaal.

“With a name as innocuous as Louis Bloom, you wouldn’t initially suspect the lead character of Nightcrawler to be so dangerous. But the virulent Lou is the kind of guy who dissolves into shadows; who feeds vampirically in the darkness. He’s not a villain so much as a force of nature. Silent but deadly. Throughout the film, Lou’s facial expressions percolate with a kind of serpentine other-worldliness. As if his tongue could dart from his mouth at any moment to nip at the night air. It doesn’t. He remains squarely within the realm of the human. No matter how inhumane he is. A testament to Dan Gilroy‘s narrow degree of restraint and Gyllenhaal’s tightrope-walking ability.” (Full Review)

3. WHIPLASH

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The fourth (and final) entry to this list that I caught at Sundance 2014, Whiplash knocked me on my ass. Adapted from an award-winning short film, Damien Chazelle‘s Full Metal Jazz Kit is a whirlwind of genre. It’s a sports movie blanketed in a war movie and punched in the face by a character study. JK Simmons roars as a drill sergeant of a conductor and we gratefully whimper in response. His performance is monsterous and marked by some of the best one-liners of the year (“That’s not your boyfriend’s d*ck; don’t come too early). Whiplash is a film that’s all about keeping tempo and getting walloped when you don’t. That beady stare that Fletcher’s perfected promises a hearty verbal wallops if not a lashing or two from those unnaturally muscled 60-year old guns. Like the most studious graduates of the school of hard rocks, Chazelle keeps tempo like Buddy Rich, chugging us along to a grand finale that is nothing short of grand. Really, really f*cking grand. If you don’t want to explode up from your seat with hands full of applause at curtain time, you’re probably deaf. Or at least tone deaf.

 “Through Chazelle’s assured hand and Blacklist-topping script, Whiplash is fantastically dynamic – a perfect ode to that musical constant acting a central catalyst to the film’s narrative. While students get smacked for being the slightest bit off tempo, Whiplash is unmistakably paced to precision –  the loving design of a satisfied perfectionist.” (Full Review)

2. GONE GIRL

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Ben Affleck‘s grin can eat shit like none other and only a genius like David Fincher could cast on a grin alone. If there’s but one linchpin moment to Gone Girl (there’s so many) it might be his solitary poo-scarfing beam. Planted next to his wife’s missing poster, smirking like a grinch, the man looks a positive jackass. And this is the brilliance of Gone Girl – to present two sides and make us uncomfortable choosing either. As much a dissection on media as it is on marriage, Gillian Flynn‘s adaptation of her own novel presents a darker Amy and a less reasonable Nick. In this dark tale, no one gets away with being called “amazing”. Backed up some of the best score work of the year (Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor solely backing Fincher’s horse is just too perfect to be true) and one-upped by the preeminent kill of the year, Gone Girl is a masterclass stroke of jet black intelligence.

“Always going, going, gone, David Fincher absolutely knocks it out of the park. Gone Girl is one of the best, and darkest, visions he’s ever dished up. Always one step before the action, Fincher demands we race to catch up. Each shot ends just marginally too quickly. His vision is frantic by design. Things get lost in the dark that are never recovered. You just have to pretend along with it.” (Full Review)

1. BIRDMAN

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Ka-KAW! Number one. Explosions in the sky. Theater in the streets. Birdman is the most relevant, important and downright entertaining film of the year. Kind of a comedy, kind of a drama and 100% a showcase of actors doing their best acting, Iñárritu’s jeremiad on the death and resurrection of art in the 21st century is as bitingly funny as it is boldfaced misunderstood. Existentialism has never seemed so moody and hysterical as Michael Keaton, Edward Norton and Emma Stone tear up the world stone-by-stone and try and piece it together to fit their narrow-minded narratives. Their undressings are their undoings and Iñárritu shoves the camera oh-so-perfectly down their throats. No film this year played with the mounting importance of social media, the unbecoming preeminence of superhero culture and the distressing role of celebrity status while meticulously piecing together a construct of high art like Birdman was able to and from the no-cut gimmick to a firing-on-all-cylinders ensemble cast, Birdman left me as intellectually rock hard as Mike Shiner on dress rehearsal night. No need to fade to black, this is what movies are made for. Period. The end.

“Steeped in an exacting degree of irreverent relevance, Iñárritu’s able to pull off the rare feat of raising existential questions in the same scene that he blows up a cityscape. It’s like seeing Black Swan and A Beautiful Mind fist-fighting in a Charlie Kaufman play; a crossroads of cinema and theater that’s entirely novel and entirely brilliant.” (Full Review)

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So there you have it. Ten magical films to cherish from henceforth until happily ever after. Ten Bountiful beauties that will transport you to a better (or worse) place, regardless of your potentially feeble headspace. No need to thank me, just doing my critic-y duty. If you happen to disagree, I’m willing to afford you one spoonful of words. Anything more than that is a waste of breath and probably warrants a punch in the mouth.

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50 Most Anticipated Films of 2015

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2014 was a hell of a year for film, though after just glancing at 2015, this new year looks to be downright insane. With new franchise films like Star Wars, Mad Max, Bond, Hunger Games, Jurassic World, Furious 7 and Avengers and films from directors like Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino, Alejandro González Iñárritu, Danny Boyle, David O’Russell, Ron Howard, Michael Mann, Richard Linklater, Ben Wheatley, Noah Baumbach, Denis Villeneuve and countless others, this could go down as the biggest year for film ever.

Last year, we ended up anticipating many of the treasures that the year was to hold, although some of its finest still managed to elude us. This year will certainly hold similar results but that’s half the fun of it anyways.

But for all the wonders to behold, 2015 certainly looks to hold some duds. So before we get onto what looks best, let’s air out some of those that did not make the list:

Even with Alan Taylor at the helm, Terminator: Genisys looks downright awful while Neill Blomkamp‘s Chappie is looking far too cheesy. Disney‘s Cinderella movie is all but destined to be bad. I have no idea what to think of Fifty Shades of Grey though I guess I can expect some “graphic nudity” so I guess that’s nothing to balk at. This Entourage movie looks incorrigible in all the wrong kind of ways. Magic Mike XXL losses Steven Soderbergh so it’s now just a male striper movie… At a distance, Ant-Man seems to be Marvel’s first flop.

I’m wary about the NWA biopic Straight Outta Compton for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on and similar things go for Robert ZemeckisThe Walk, which could be good, could be bad but I just don’t really care enough to make a bet either way. The Vacation reboot with Ed Helms feels the same way, though I can’t imagine it’s great. Terrence Malick annoys me (yeah, I said it) so I don’t feel anything towards Knight of Cups or his yet untitled Austin music scene flick. And I’m not entirely convinced Werner Herzog‘s Queen of the Desert will actually be released this year but if it is, I’m definitely looking forward to it.

This year’s list included a whopping 11 titles from the 2015 Sundance slate (which I’ll be attnding in just under 2 weeks) so we should have a great working list of confirmations going within the onset of the month. Aside from that, I’m sure there will be many pleasant surprises along the way as well as bumps in the road (see Interstellar) but for now, all we can do is wish and wait…

50. PAN

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This Peter Pan origin story looks very stupid but I cannot ignore the fact that Joe Wright – of Pride and Prejudice and Hannah fame – is at the helm. In Wright, I trust. With a scenery-chewing Hugh Jackman as the villainous Blackbeard and Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily, I’m hoping that this lives up to Wright’s reputation and isn’t the CGI-laden dullard-fest it looks to be. In theaters July 24.

49. JUPITER ASCENDING

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The Wachowski‘s far-out Jupiter Ascending was originally slated for release at the end of last year, leaving the film with that troubling “delayed” taste in our mouths. Whether it was a financial decision; a ploy to move it out of a crowded December slate and take advantage of an oft underwhelming February season; or a creative one; perhaps the film just flat-out sucked and they wanted as much tinker time as possible; we’ll see if they’re able to deliver a sci-fi blockbuster worth writing home about. In theaters February 6.

48. JURASSIC WORLD

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More a morbid curiosity pick, this long-awaited fourth installment to the Jurassic Park franchise hopes to hit the reboot button hard with a swashbuckling Chris Pratt at the forefront but if the first trailer is any indication, its quality is certainly not guaranteed. Blockbuster season June 12 release.

47. INSIDE OUT/THE GOOD DINOSAUR

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How far Pixar has fallen since its long standing reign as animators supreme. It’s been since Up that Pixar has knocked an original idea out of the park and with not one but two films (with original concepts) releasing this year, the odds of them rising to the top of the animated studios looks better than it has in years. Inside Out is an odd saga told from the perspective of a little girl’s emotions – Joy, Fear, Disgust, Sadness, Anger, etc. – while The Good Dinosaur charters a friendship between a boy and his Apatosaurus. Respective June 19 and November 25 release.

46. MACBETH

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One of the Bard’s most harrowing sagas of unchecked ambition, MacBeth tells the story of an army general who conspires with his seductive wife to become King. Starring Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard as Macbeth and his Lady, this looks to be one of the rare Shakespeare adaptations that sticks. Release TBA.

45. SLOW WEST

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Michael Fassbender, Ben Mendelsohn, Rory McCann and Kodi Smit-McPhee star in a old west road movie from first time director John Maclean and little more has to be said than Michael Fassbender, Ben Mendelsohn, Game of Thrones‘ The Hound and Western and I’m sold on the concept. We’ll see shortly if this is one worth talking about later down the line as it premieres in little more than two weeks. Slow West debuts at Sundance.

44. CRIMSON PEAK

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Guillermo del Toro is definitely an acquired taste and one that I’m not sure I can stomach much more of. Battlebots (er, Pacific Rim) was lost on me and his FX horror show, The Strain, failed to capture my attention for more than a few episodes, leaving me wanting for the del Toro of old; the del Toro who made Pan’s Labyrinth. Crimson Peak looks like an odd little haunted house flick and will certainly benefit from the casting of Tom Hiddleston and Jessica Chastain, though Charlie Hunnam in the leading spot leaves much to be desired. Halloween-inspired October 16 release.

43. THE LOBSTER

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To say you fully understood Yorgos LanthimosDogtooth is a lie but that doesn’t make the film any less interesting. The Lobster looks a little more straight-forward – a  dystopian love story where single people are forcibly matched up in a weird hotel – and has an unrelenting cast including Léa Seydoux, Rachel Weisz, Colin Farrell, and John C. Reilly. Unspecified March 2014 release.

42. THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY: PART 2

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The name might not be catchy but its box office conflagration is sure to be. Though the first few hours of this two-parter failed to live up to many’s expectations (I enjoyed it) the second action-filled finale is sure to bring the noise. While we’ll have to wait to see if critics are willing to warm up to its fires after being burned by the last one, audiences are sure to turn this into one of the year’s most profitable films. Release on November 20.

41. FURIOUS 7

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After the tragically ironic death of Paul Walker, this seventh take on the Fast and Furious franchise took a long break from production, returning to sub in Walker’s unfilled scenes with CGI and brotherly body doubles. With horror aficionado James Wan working as director, Furious 7 promises to take a detour from the vehicular heists for a throwback revenge flick. Here’s hoping that the untimely passing of Walker wasn’t a decisive finishing blow to the only franchise he thrived in. Coming to theaters April 3. 

40. STANFORD PRISON EXPERIMENT

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Anyone who took Psychology 101 in college remembers the Stanford Prison Experiment – where men were randomly assigned the role of prisoner or guard and begin to preternaturally assimilate with their relegated role. After taking on David Sedaris with the somewhat winning C.O.G., director Kyle Patrick Alvarez hopes to weave the cautionary tale of humanity’s darker tendencies into a compelling narrative. Sundance premiere. 

39. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 5

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I adored Brad Bird‘s Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and loved J.J. Abram‘s MI:3 and was more than ready for another dose of the MI series. However, when Christopher McQuarrie (Jack Reacher) stepped into the director’s chair, I was exceedingly disappointed. Though Tom Cruise‘s breezy charm and the series seriously-not-serious tone can hopefully elevate the film to blockbuster perfection, I’m still admittedly nervous about McQuarrie’s involvement. Christmas ’15 release. 

38. FANTASTIC FOUR

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A knock-out cast – Miles Teller, Kate Mara, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell – and director Josh Trank are enough to win over the curiosity of this series skeptic. After all, the most recent renditions of this quadron of supers was a certifiable dud so it has very little to live up to and so long as Trank can match the emotional heft and wowing spectacle of Chronicle, we should be in good shape. August 7 wide release.

37. KNOCK KNOCK

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The perma-wooden Keanu Reeves unexpectedly won audiences over with last year’s ultra-violent John Wick while Eli Roth‘s latest, the Amazon horror homage The Green Inferno, went unseen when Open Road pulled the film from release. A combination of these two mighty hit-or-missers is a strangely inspired formula and when you mix in a pair of femme fatales, more than just our curiosities are piqued. Premieres at Sundance.

36. LAST DAYS IN THE DESERT

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Ewan McGregor plays a fasting, hard praying Jesus on a forty day desert bender in Rodrigo Garcia‘s ambitiously arthouse Last Days in the Desert. It’s fair to assume the dialogue will be slim but with Gravity and Birdman cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki working the camera, I can’t help but imagine the picture is stunning to behold. Premieres at Sundance.

35. EVEREST

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Jake Gyllenhaal has been on a tear of late and his latest is a loose retelling of the events of Jon Krakauer‘s “Into Thin Air” with a hell of a list of co-stars – including Keira Knightley, Robin Wright, Josh Brolin, Jason Clarke, John Hawkes, and Sam Worthington. Expect a high-octane, well-acted romp. September 18th release. 

34. MISSISSIPPI GRIND

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Ryan Fleck‘s Half Nelson was a big hit in the indie scene so it was a bit of a letdown when his follow-up, the Zack Galifianakis-starring dramedy It’s Kind of a Funny Story, failed to deliver more goods. Mississippi Grind looks to win back his goodwill with a Southern gambling drama starring the always winning Ben Bendelsohn and Ryan Reynolds. Debuts at Sundance.  

33. JANE GOT A GUN

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Famously troubled production Jane Got a Gun has been through the wringer. This Natalie Portman passion project was originally in the competent hands of Lynee Ramsay – who quit Day One of production – and with an entirely different male cast (Michael Fassbender, Jude Law and Bradley Cooper were all attached at different times) but the changes haven’t made me less interested (even if they do invite a touch of wariness.) With Joel Edgerton and Ewan McGregor now in the male roles and Warrior‘s Gavin O’Connor behind the camera, this could wind up as fetid as its making but has the distinct possibility of being quite wonderful. Release September 4.

32. SOUTHPAW

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Another Jake Gyllenhaal film, this time from director Antoine Fuqua with a screenplay from Sons of Anarchy helmer and scribe Kurt Sutter, Southpaw tells the story of a boxer clawing his way to the top. Though Fuqua isn’t a guarantee behind the camera and Sutter has a knack for over-writing, the presence of Gyllenhaal alone may be enough to make this mighty entertaining. Release TBA.

31. RESULTS

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Part of Sundance’s US Dramatic Competition, Results pairs Guy Pearce and Cobie Smulders as an unlikely pair of personal trainers. Many fawned over director Andrew Bujalaski’s odd Computer Chess so expectations are high. Sundance premiere.

30. ’71

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Many expected Angelina Jolie‘s Unbroken to propel Jack O’Connell into international stardom (it didn’t) but that doesn’t mean the young actor hasn’t proven his worth before. He was a powerhouse in Starred Up and had nothing to do with the problems of Unbroken. Already nominated for a BAFTA for Best British Film, ’71 tells the story of “a young and disoriented British soldier who’s accidentally abandoned by his unit.” It sounds awesome and I’ll be seeing it shortly at Sundance. ’71 plays Sundance and then is onto a limited release February 27.

29. BLACK MASS

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I don’t love the casting – Johnny Depp, Sienna Miller, Benedict Cumberbatch – but Scott Cooper‘s underrated directorial status (Out of the Furnace) is enough to have me thinking this might be a surprise winner. Black Mass tells the story of Whitey Bulger, infamous criminal and brother to a senator who flipped to become an FBI informant to take down a rival Mafia family. September 18 wide opening.

28. THE SEA OF TREES

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Gus Van Sant‘s trippy-premised The Sea of Trees has Matthew McConaughey playing a suicidal man who becomes lost in a forest and must find his way out with a newfound Japanese friend. The whole thing sounds otherworldly and strange, something of a Rust Cohle existential nightmare, and Van Sant’s track record screams quality so what’s not to like? Release TBA.

27. DARK PLACES

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Gillian Flynn‘s last adaptation went on to fill my number two spot of the Top Ten Best Movies of the Year so to say I’m anticipating her next flick is a bit of an understatement. Having just finishing reading the novel on which the film will be based, the potential is great though the casting and director’s choice (Gilles Paquet-Brenner) have left me a little cold. Release TBA.

26. HIGH RISE

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Ben Wheatley is a monster. Kill List is one of the best horror movies of the past few decades while Sightseers is a searingly hilarious dark comedy. A Field in England wasn’t quite my cup of tea – a bit of a madcap experiment gone wrong – but High Rise looks to be a return to form for the maniacal director. Starring Tom Hiddleston, Elizabeth Moss, Sienna Miller, James Purefoy, Luke Evans and Jeremy Irons, it seems Wheatley can finally attract a real cast, who will all assemble to tell the story of a high-rise apartment gone terribly wrong. US release TBA.

25. BEASTS OF NO NATION

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Idris Elba suits up as a commandant who takes young Agu under his wing as a child solider in an unnamed African civil war. Elba’s a treasure (see Luther) even though he isn’t always gifted the most rewarding material so to see him take the tutelage of True Detective writer and director Cary Fukunaga will hopefully be a pairing most special. Release TBA.

 24. Z FOR ZACHARIAH

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Proffered as a love triangle for the intelligentsia, Z for Zachariah sees a post-apocalyptic future where two men fight for the affection of the only woman they know to be left standing. Starring Margo Robbie, Chris Pine and Chiwetel Ejiofor, director Craig Zobel‘s follow-up to the winning Compliance debuts in just a few weeks at Sundance. Debuting at Sundance.

23. THE MARTIAN

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Ridley Scott‘s first return to original sci-fi fare in too long, The Martian boasts screenwriter Drew Goddard (The Cabin in the Woods) and a cast that features Jessica Chastain, Kate Mara, Matt Damon and Sean Bean. Whether Scott will continue on his streak of near misses or really knock it out of the park is yet to be seen but we can still hope can’t we? Opens wide November 25.

22. THE LIGHT BETWEEN OCEANS

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Derek Cianfrance is a gorgeous storyteller and his next film tells the tale of “a lighthouse keeper and his wife living off the coast of Western Australia who raise a baby they rescue from an adrift rowboat.” From a distance, it sounds kinda quirky and sentimental but I have overwhelming faith in Cianfrance’s good taste. Starring Michael Fassbender and Rachel Weisz, this could be an emotional powerhouse. Release TBA.

21. UNTITLED SPIELBERG/HANKS COLD WAR FILM

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Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg are more often than naught lucky pennies for one another. Their successes have been varied, though largely war-driven and their latest looks to add to that list of wins. Going on to receive awards attention is a distinct possibility though it may hem too closely to 2012’s Argo to be a real contender. Opens October 16.

20. KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE

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If there’s one guy working in Hollywood who is the anti-Christopher Nolan, it’s Matthew Vaughn. The guy just came out and said that people are sick of Nolan’s relentlessly dark take and I think he might just be right. Vaughn’s style is unapologetically just that: style. He imbues his films with an irresistible sense of gleeful violence, elevating comic book fare into truly thrilling blockbuster engagements. The reviews for his latest have been positively glowing and I can’t wait to see his spy product. February 13 release stateside.

19. TOMORROWLAND

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Damon Lindelof is one of the most divisive creative minds working in Hollywood today (I love him) so anything with his name attached typically draws a dichotomy of fanfare. He really is the ultimate crowd splitter. But whether or not you love or hate him, Tomorrowland looks mighty intriguing. With Brad Bird (Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol) at the helm, a cast that pairs up George Clooney and Britt Robertson and a Disney-sized budget, this ride-turned-movie looks to be one big – hopefully beautiful – mystery. In theaters May 22.

18. BLACKHAT

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Michael Mann‘s hacker thriller has the fact that it’s a hacker thriller working against it but if Mann’s name means anything (it does) it’s that he should be able to mount insurmountable odds. Starring Chris Hemsworth, Blackhat hopes to break the record of sh*tty January releases. Hits theaters January 16.

17. DIGGING FOR FIRE

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Joe Swanberg is the feather in the cap of the terribly-named mumblecore sub-genre, delivering hit after hit of pertinent indie fare. His latest, co-written by Jake Johnson, looks to continue the streak. With a great cast – Anna Kendrick, Brie Larson, Sam Rockwell, Sam Elliot – to boot and an intriguing premise about a husband and wife who find a bone and a gun, Digging for Fire could start off the year right. Premieres at Sundance.

16. IN THE HEART OF THE SEA

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Another Hemsworth-starrer, Ron Howard‘s In the Heart of the Sea tells the events that inspired Moby Dick – a sperm whale preys upon a ship full of whalers. Howard’s last (Rush) was an underrated win and this looks to mix similar amounts of narrative ingenuity and big screen spectacle. Opens March 13. 

15. MISTRESS AMERICA

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Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach reunite for this dramedy about a college freshman thrown for the loop by a new step-sister. Baumbach and Gerwig’s last union resulted in the most excellent Frances Ha so anticipation is almost stiflingly high for their next product. Premieres at Sundance.

14. THE AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

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To say that Marvel is on a roll is the understatement of the year. Only they could turn a relatively unknown quantity such as Guardians of the Galaxy into the most profitable (domestically) film of the year. The Avengers: Age of Ultron will look to topple the box office records of its predecessor while upping the stakes and (hopefully) imparting that these Avengers are not as death proof as they’ve been so far. Expect it to destroy box office records on May 1.

13. GREEN ROOM

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Jeremy Saulnier, of Blue Ruin fame, returns to the color wheel for his film’s namesake to tell another twisted tale of circumstance gone wrong. Starring Imogen Poots, Alia Shawkat, Anton Yelchin and Patrick Stewart as a white supremacist, Green Room seems like just the kind of mystery I cannot wait to see unfold. Release TBA.

12. THE END OF THE TOUR

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Jason Segel and Jesse Eisenberg join director James Ponsoldt (The Spectacular Now) to tell the true story of a reporter’s journeys with David Foster Wallace (of “Infinite Jest” acclaim) during a book tour. Ponsoldt delivered a surprise hit with The Spectacular Now and with compelling source material and a knack for earnestness, looks to do it again. Debuts at Sundance.

11. DEMOLITION

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A man struggles with the unexpected death of his wife in Jean-Marc Vallee‘s Demolition. The third film on this list to star Jake Gyllenhaal (are you spotting a trend?) Demolition also features Naomi Watts and Chris Cooper and could just be the kind of film to earn serious awards attention for it. Release TBA.

10. MAD MAX: ROAD FURY

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I’m gonna go ahead and admit that I’ve never seen the original Mad Max films (consternation aplenty). It’s just one of those flicks that no-one ever inducted me into and I’ve never really wanted to just watch by myself. So yeah, now that that’s off my chest, I have to admit that the new Mad Max movie looks pretty freakin’ rad. Tom Hardy in the spotlight and George Miller behind the camera looks to make for one bang-up dystopia. May 15 release date.

9. SPECTRE

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Continuing down the path that Sam MendesSkyfall set Bond upon, Spectre looks to firm up the beginning of the end of Daniel Craig‘s 007. With Christoph Waltz joining the cast as the infamous Blofeld and Léa Seydoux hopping in as the femme fatale, the formula for success looks to be all calculated and in place. If they can edge a touch more fun into the proceedings (see Casino Royal) Spectre could be one of the best Bonds yet. Hits theaters November 6.

8. JOY

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Sizing up David O. Russell‘s latest takes little more than noting the cast list – Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro. If you were to place a cold bet on Oscar odds at the end of the year, putting all three up for nominations would likely win you money as O. Russell’s track record of late has been nothing short of meteoric. Joy tells the true story of a Long Island single mom (Lawrence) who pioneered such inventions as the Miracle Mop. Christmas Day release.
 

7. THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT

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Richard Linklater promises that That’s What I’m Talking About is a spiritual follow-up to Dazed and Confused, that picks up right where Boyhood left off. No, it doesn’t feature any of the same characters but it plants us right in the throes of the onset on college, where some of the Dazed kids were heading and where Mason had just arrived. Assuming that Linklater is able to keep up his hot streak, That’s What I’m Talking About hopes to be one of the best indies of 2015. Release TBA.

6. STEVE JOBS

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This movie should have been David Fincher‘s. It should have starred Christian Bale. But it doesn’t and it won’t. Its future, in fact, is hazy at best. But with Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 127 Hours) now in the director’s chair and Michael Fassbender filling in for Bale, the turnaround could have been much, much worse. I’m gambling a lot on Aaron Sorkin with this pick and perhaps even more on Sony to not f*ck it up but I’m left hoping that Sorkin’s long awaited telling of Steve Job’s tale is well worth the wait…and the drama. Release TBA…if at all.

5. SICARIO

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Denis Villeneuve delivered a one-two knockout with Prisoners and Enemy (both of which debuted at the 2013 TIFF) and now returns to tell a feminist survivalist cartel story. Count me in.  Starring Emily Blunt, Josh Brolin and Jon Bernthal, Sicario has my expectation of landing super-sunny-side up, as anything short of a masterpiece would sully Villeneuve’s fast rising star. Release TBA.

4. SILENCE

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Martin Scorsese has been talking about Silence for decades. Two 17th century Jesuit priests embark to Japan to plant the seed of the good book and not all goes according to plan. The fact that Silence has been Scorsese’s long time passion project is reason enough to anticipate its release even though I’m saddened to see Daniel Day Lewis (who was long expected to be attached) not included amongst the cast list. Release TBA. 

3. THE REVENANT

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Alejandro González Iñárritu‘s Birdman was my favorite movie of the year and his follow-up looks equally out-of-this world. Starring two of the best living actors – Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom HardyThe Revenant takes us back in time to 1820 where a man is mauled by a bear and must take vengeance on those who left him for dead. Sound excellent to you? Yup, me too. Christmas Day limited release.

2. THE HATEFUL EIGHT

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Every year Quentin Tarantino makes a film, it’s my favorite of the year so there’s no hemming and hawing about why his latest is so high up on this list. Though its getting to the screen has been somewhat of a dramatic tale in and of itself (cast, leaked, canceled, revived) Tarantino’s story of blizzard-bound bounty hunters is sure to be an invariable winner. We must wait until November 13 to finally see it.

1. STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS

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It’s been a lifetime of waiting for most of us younger generation Star Wars fans. I grew up on the original trilogy, attended the premiere of Episode 1 and my distain for George Lucas‘ turd-filled prequels has multiplied like a cancer over the years. We deserved more. J.J. Abrams aims to renew hope in one of the most loved franchises of all time and the Christmas-released trailer had me buzzing in excitement. Though I go into it with reservations, this is without a doubt the film I’m most anxious to see in 2015. Releases wide on December 18.

So there we have it, all 50 most anticipated films of 2015. Go ahead and weigh in: what did we miss? what are you most excited for?

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The 10 Best Horror Movies of 2014

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People might tell you that 2014 was a lackluster year for horror. They would be wrong. Very, very wrong. In fact, 2014 was a superlative 365-days for the genre. So much so that piecing together a Top Ten List was exorbinately difficult as there were at a handful that may have earned a place in a lesser year but didn’t exactly have the goods to nose their way into the top slots. Among those notable contenders is Kevin Smith’s batshit walrus misadventure Tusk, superior alphabetical anthology flick The ABCs of Death 2, and a trio of delectable found footage flicks featuring werewolf realism – Wer – Altimizer’s gone demonic – The Taking of Deborah Logan – and a horrific vampiric flu – Afflicted. Cautionary internet tale The Den had a lot going for it as well, another strong contender for the year. Had I considered E.L. Katz‘ monstrously good Cheap Thrills a horror – I don’t – it might have topped the list but that’s an argument to be had in a separate space.

10. THE HOUSES OCTOBER BUILT

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It takes little imagination to find a souring brand of daunting realism in Bobby Roe‘s grizzly found footage account (one of four on this list) of a group of Halloween thrill-seekers who stumble too far down the rabbit hole. Going above the conventions of normalcy, The Houses October Built arcs at terminal velocity into the unforgiving maw of a real hellhole, offering scares that gingerly walk the fine line between reality and invention in which it’s improbable to parse the artifice of trying to scare the sh*t out of someone with actually, you know, trying to kill them. You’ll never enter a haunted house the same again.

9. THE BABADOOK

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A storybook nightmare come alive with electric performances from Essie Davis and youngster Noah Wiseman, the former of which offers a performance embedded with equal strands of motherly sacrifice and true terror, the later half-wittingly stumbling into one of the least self-aware performances from a child the year had to offer, regardless of genre. The Babadook may not present the bone-chilling frights some of the its chief pundits have claimed but its mightily well made, with fierce attention to relationships and an original enough concept to boot – an undeniably winning formula in our eyes.

8. THE BORDERLANDS

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The whole descent into hell thing has been done before (even once later on this list) and anyone a fan of the genre is no stranger to priests nosing into miracles-cum-hauntings but the way in which The Borderlands builds and builds while tightening and tightening makes it a fine study of found footage done justice. The other chief victory for director Elliot Goldner comes in his writing, which keeps us surprisingly invested in the characters, offering three-dimensional beings not often found in the found footage catalog. Robin Hill‘s wisecracking Gray clashes perfectly with Gordon Kennedy‘s damaged but devoid Deacon so that when things finally come to a head, and boy oh boy do they, you’re rooting for them, not against (as is too often the case.)

7. OCULUS

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2014 was a plugged full of studio misfires for the genre – a fact that has contributed to the misconception that it was a minor year for horror – what with Annabelle, The Purge: Anarchy and Ouija  all being marked gaffes and The Evil Within and The Quiet Ones failing to make much noise at all – but if there was one studio released scary movie that fans and critics were able to rally around it was this. Oculus thrives on its sense of internal consistency and increasingly high-stakes games of mindf*cking, and Karen Gillan s overly committed performance didn’t hurt. For a film about a haunted mirror, Oculus is able to inject an overbearing sense of dread into what could have easily been a disaster of epic proportions. That director Mike Flanagan  also managed to blend two time periods seamlessly into one, presenting a fully distorted picture that was great than the mere sum of its parts, is further evidence of his subtle mastery of the genre.

6. HOUSEBOUND

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Sam Raimi accidentally invented the horror-comedy in 1981, almost stumbling upon a wheelhouse hungry subcultures didn’t yet know they wanted, his whacked-out formula later taken by a young, tooth-cutting Peter Jackson to further extremes in the celebrated messterpiece Braindead. In the great tradition of wily horror-gone-funny, New Zealand’s very own Housebound jettisons the zany hallmarks of past horror-comedy successes – all the while very intentionally tipping their hat to them – giving it space to hone in on its very own import of yuck-horror and bloodspolsions. This tongue-in-cheek haunter may be bratty, puerile and claustrophobic but, most importantly, it’s laugh-out-loud funny.

5. CREEP

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Mark Duplass has always played something of an everyman. Even on The League – an FX comedy deliciously overstuffed with caricatures of characters – his Pete is snarky but believably human. Perhaps that’s what makes his turn in the delightfully eerie Creep so, uh, creepy. Starring opposite him is (first time) director Patrick Brice, playing a man who’s just responded to a mysterious Craigslist ad that enlists him as a cohort of sorts to Duplass’ increasingly odd asks. Never quite going the direction you expect, Creep relies sternly on the ever captivating presence of its two leads – who never disappoint – and their slightly askew developing relationship.   

4. HONEYMOON

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Rose Leslie melted many snowy hearts north of The Wall as Ygritte on HBO‘s winning Game of Thrones series but seeing her stripped of that throaty accent, her hoary nightgown and, eventually, her personality in Honeymoon showed a new side to her, one hemmed with dimensionality and rich with ambiguity. She was, in a phrase, a nightmarish panorama. Less a conventional antagonist than a harbinger of uncertainly and unease, Leslie’s Bea was one of the more interesting characters additions from 2014 and director Leigh Janiak knows just how to manipulate her stalwart tendencies and flip them on their head. In a film that’s all about marital bliss gobbled up, Honeymoon is one savagely appetizing gaze at alien femme fatality.  

3. AS ABOVE/SO BELOW

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Critically dismantled, criminally underseen, As Above/So Below was dealt a losing hand upon its unceremonious theatrical dumping. To get an idea of how little confidence Universal had in their picture, they screened the film at 7 PM the night of its official release. Meaning, they screening it a mere 3 hours before they started showing it to general audiences. Of all the entries on the list, this suffered the biggest blowback for its critical panning in the eyes of the suits – coming in with a shabby 21 million off an estimated 5 million production budget – but the true loss came on behalf of the audiences who skipped it assuming ineptitude. From the truly inspired Paris Catacomb settings to its litany of diabolical lore, As Above/So Below is stuffed with arcana and welcome scares, like a giddy, terrifying adventure of Legends of the Hidden Temple with an improved upon Laura Croft as your host.

2. STARRY EYES

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If there is one consistency from the year, it’s that 2014 was a moment for the woman in horror. From As Above/So Below‘s kickass Perdita Weeks to Honeymoon‘s subterfuging Rose Leslie, Oculus‘ exceedingly zealous Karen Gillan, The Babadook‘s sublime Essie Davis, Housebound‘s ever-angsty Morgana O’Reilly and It Follow‘s perfect casting in Maika Monroe, the stars have not shone brighter on the fairer gender within our beloved genre. But no entry on the list had as big an ask of their actress as Starry Eyes, a bone-dry, humorless waxing on the pitfalls of ambition. Alexandra Esso literally buried herself in the role and you won’t find another who chick on this list or any another that undergoes such a shocking 360. An absolutely blood-curdling series of dispatches – a barbell tops the gruesome weapons list – in the midst of Essoe’s particular brand of body dysmorphia makes it an unforgettable genre entry that’s slowly been earning a deserved cult following.

1. IT FOLLOWS

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The urban legend of the STDemon seems like one that’s been whispered amongst circles of throbbing-genitialed teenagers forever. Debuting at Cannes and making a hell of a festival circuit run, It Follows spins its own Are You Afraid of the Dark type mythos of a sexually transmitted entity that never stops, never sleeps, never reasons. Just follows. Brilliant in its simplicity, It Follows doesn’t squander time with getting to know you’s. Rather, it’s a raw, dirty, brilliant orgy of nail-crunching tension, rich with pregnant silences and offscreen moments of self-sacrificing, proving that sometimes the simplest of ideas are the best of them.

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Chris' Home for the Holidays Films: Top 10 2014 Movies to Catch with the Family this Holiday Season

In lieu of an official top ten, our finest satirist-in-residence Chris Bunker counts down the movies to crowd ’round with the whole fam-damily.

Honorable Mentions:

Horrible Bosses 2

Nightcrawler

Guardians of the Galaxy

The Interview (wop wop wah)

The Theory of Everything

Lone Survivor

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Begin Again

Sex Tape

Fury

10. Two Night Stand

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Christmas came early with Two Night Stand, which netted $18K (that’s thousand) at the box-office back in September. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who’s seen this movie, which is really too bad because it is spectacular. Disclaimer: This film is not about two nightstands weathering a frigid blizzard while trapped in Miles Teller’s overly spacious New York apartment. At the onset it seems like we might be headed for something just as dull.

The film stars Miles Teller and Analeigh Tipton. She’s a dry speller: she hasn’t — you know, “done it” — in months, and as depression and unemployment seem to be taking over her life post-college, her friend tries to get her to hook up with someone for the holiday season. She sets up an online profile on whiteactorsmeet.com and Miles Teller is lucky enough to reel this stinky fish in. Tipton wants the D like misspelle, and he is more than obliging in giving her a New Year’s gift she can’t return to Best Buy.

After their hook-up, the two get stuck in Teller’s apartment after a huge blizzard puts the city on lockdown. Over the course of their “Two Night Stand”, Teller gets more slot than an old widow at Treasure Island and Tipton gets more dong than the Liberty Bell at two o’clock. Which, I guess is just three dongs.

There’s a lot more to this movie than just the “stand.” Stunningly well-written and at times an incredibly accurate depiction of today’s hook-up culture, this is a Christmas rom-com people really should see. And it got me thinking about those two night-stands. How did they get where they are? Who gave them their color, their shape, their embossing, their gloss? What are they supporting, what weight do they carry? How did they get their cracks, their stains? After all, aren’t we all just night-stands in the dark, hoping one day someone might come turn the light on and look to us for a little support, open our drawers and learn what’s inside? It’s lonely at night in the dark. Pop on Two Night Stand with a loved one and get in the giving mood.

9. The Judge

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Pretty much everyone can only take so much of their family during the holiday season before things go haywire. The Judge really isn’t a holiday movie, but it’s one you should catch all the same. Robert Downey Jr., a big-shot Chicago lawyer,makes a trip back to Buttcrack, Indiana to attend his mother’s funeral. His Dad’s the town judge (he’s also Robert Duvall), but the whole father-son relationship thing never really worked out between these two law-abiding men. As more to their history unfolds and Downey and Duvall chip away at each other’s’ cold hearts, the film catches fire. The dialogue is somewhat Sorkin-esque, but that was only a bad thing in Seasons 2-3 of The Newsroom. Catch The Judge and enjoy knowing that your family isn’t the only one that’s screwed up.

8. Ernest & Celestine

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My favorite animated film ever, Ernest & Celestine is delightful, playful, simple and warm enough to melt even the most frozen hearts (you heard me, Elsa). This movie is the equivalent of a warm blanket by the fire, as Ernest, a big bumbling bear, and Celestine, a delicate little mouse, cuddle up far from a society that can’t accept them. You’re only hurting yourself if you don’t get a taste of this beautiful movie this holiday season. Better hope Santa brings you this one for X-mas.

7. The Grand Budapest Hotel

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You really can’t go wrong with Wes Anderson, and his latest installment just might be his best yet. With a slow-paced humor that peppers famous actors everywhere and laughs in every moment, TGBH is tasteful and visually delectable. With Ralph Fiennes, Ed Norton, Adrien Brody, Willem Dafore, Léa Seydoux, Jeff Goldblum, Jeff Schwartzman, Jude Law, Harvey Keitel, Bill Murray and Owen Wilson to name just a few, get the old band together and cut yourself a piece of Budapest.

6. Snowpiercer

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Bong Joon-Ho’s frigid train-movie is among my favorites of 2014 and an absolute brain-wrecker. Chris Evans is getting way more hype for Cap’ 2, but this film is ten times better and a marvel of story-telling. Tracking the last survivors of an Earth-freezing apocalypse who live on a self-sustaining, endlessly running train circling around the frozen globe, Joon-Ho’s film is a must-see. If you’re in the mood for some snow this Channukah season, don’t miss Snowpiercer.

5. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

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In a hole in the ground there lived a Hobbit. Well, he’s not got much time before he gets buried by time. I’m going off of past experience alone, as I still haven’t been able to catch the last Peter Jackson LOTR movie ever (L). The LOTR series has been a hallmark of Christmases this entire century, and I’m so, so, so sad to see them go. As Jackson isn’t an asshole, and I’ve never been disappointed by a Middle Earth tale, this one’s sure to be worth the watch. Leave your Hobbit hole for a couple hours and join the adventure while you still can. How can you resist Bilbo and Gandalf?

4. Divergent

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Just kidding. I’m dauntless! F*ck. This. Movie. Just wanted to say it one last time this year. #CANDOR

4. Boyhood

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The “12 Years a Boy” thing seems kind of boring, but Richard Linklater has given the world the best cinematic present anyone could ask for this year. Following Ellar Coltrane’s childhood and family as 12 years fly by, you’ll be reminded why that screwed up family of yours might not be so bad after all. I don’t rank this nostalgic movie any higher (though it certainly deserves to be higher) because no one needs to shed a tear for Christmas. That’s what Christmas Shoes was for.

3. Blended

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Sorry, this is also a joke. Couldn’t pass this up: “WE’RE GOING TO AFRICA!!!”

3. Edge of Tomorrow

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Tom Cruise has subtly been churning out quality movies for the past two years now. Edge of Tomorrow was his best. The “Live, Die, Repeat” premise is fun and well-executed, and there’s enough action, humor and Tom Cruise running to make this one an ‘A’ for me. I’ve seen this film four times now and it’s only gotten better with age. Cruise may not be a fine wine but he’s at least two Forty’s and a FourLoko. Can you think of a better combo for the holidays?

2. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

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This one tops my “Best Films to Watch On an International Flight” and “Best Andy Serkis Performance Since LOTR: The Return of the King” lists. This film is just flat out fantastic from beginning to end, with amazing graphics from Weta Digital, inscrutable performances from Serkis, Gary Oldman, Jason Clarke and Toby Kebbell (playing the best villain of 2014, “Koba”), and so much more. Stuff your stockings with DOTPOTA. Don’t do it for me. Do it because Jesus would want you to.

1. Gone Girl

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If you’re concerned a significant other might be cheating, bring them along to Gone Girl and see how they react. Based off of the incredible Gillian Flynn novel of the same name, this film is the best I’ve seen all year and traumatizingly good. Sure to net Oscar nominations all across the board (notably “Best Actress” for Rosamund Pike), Ben Affleck’s latest film is notable just for his unit alone. David Fincher directs a twisting, blood-clotting, brain-breaking suspense-thriller that transcends genre and classification. If you watch any movie this Christmas season, it needs to be Gone Girl. Trust me; it’ll bring the whole family together.


Dishonorable Mention: Jingle All The Way 2

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Every Holiday movie list needs at least one Christmas movie; enter Jingle All The Way 2, starring everyone’s favorite, Larry The Cable Guy. This straight-to-video film produced by the WWE (seriously) had a budget of $5 million, which I’m assuming all went towards Christmas lights and fake snow. Considering this is a sequel to the (Minneapolis-filmed!) 1996 Schwarzenegger movie that most consider to be the worst Christmas movie ever, you can’t get much better than Jingle All The Way 2. If you love bad movies, put that gingerbread cookie down, grab some popcorn and revel in this holiday mess.

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The Absolute Worst Films of 2014

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As the year comes to a close, most critics hover around their keyboards blasting out lists on this or that – Top Tens, Best Performances, Coolest Stunt Involving a Bunny Rabbit – and cutting through all the praise is the purely gleeful opportunity to take aim at the worst of the worst – those films that left us shuttering, that inspired us to reach out to friends and family and warn them off, that wouldn’t just melt away with time but rather forced us to remember their terribleness throughout the entire year. And though many may expect the likes of Haunted House 2, Tammy, Heaven is for Real, Blended, God’s Not Dead, The Identical, The Best of Me, etc. to make an appearance here, they won’t make the list because I didn’t subject myself to their nominal abject horror.

Last year, our Absolute Worst of 2013 List included Getaway, Oz, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Movie 43, The Hangover: Part 3, The Fifth Estate, After Earth, The Mortal Instruments, The Canyons and The Host and though this year’s worst weren’t quite as bad as last’s year putrid bunch, they were still some bad, bad mommas. So before we get to the worst of the worst, let’s blast through a quick list of films that were quite thoroughly offputting but not quite enough to crack the top ten. Nonetheless, avoid these trash piles whole-heartedly.

Dishonorable Mentions:

Annie
The Foxy Merkins
Ping Pong Summer
Leading Lady
The Purge: Anarchy
Into the Storm
About Last Night
Labor Day
The Better Angels
Annabelle
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
Bad Words
Decoding Annie Parker
300: Rise of an Empire
Stage Fright
Pompeii
Exodus: Gods and Kings

10. GIMME SHELTER

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Vanessa Hudgen‘s scrubby mop and her horrendous Jersey accent aren’t really to blame for the emotional wash-out that is Gimme Shelter. Nor is Brendan Fraser and his Brendan Fraser-iness. Director Ron Krauss, on the other hand, is. Coming off a human trafficking billing, Krauss wrings the welts of abused children for every weepy sentiment he can and in doing so makes a despicable and entirely ugly product. Miles from the brilliant Rolling Stones song from which it takes its name, Gimme Shelter paints the wholly wrong picture of child abuse with boorish abandon, mixing ice-cream parlor super-88 montages with a cracked out, stanky skanky Rosario Dawson.

9. BRICK MANSIONS

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Were it not for the untimely passing of star Paul Walker, I’m convinced Brick Mansions would have been a straight-to-DVD release. It’s a parkour movie that edits out the parkour, an action thriller without any octane, a remake of a French film that keeps its French star inexplicably intact, supplanting him in a racially divided Detroit. There is literally a moment where the two leads simultaneously backflip over the bad guys. This actually happened. In an actual movie. Not to mention the entire plot is one big borrowed MacGuffin from other Walker franchise, the wholly more enjoyable Fast and Furious. The whole thing is frustratingly scrubbed of life and energy, mistakenly betting on the starring power of Walker and a red-pepper-slicin’ RZA.

8. THAT AWKWARD MOMENT

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In terms of chemistry gone wrong, none can top That Awkward Moment. With 3/4 of its cast entirely likable (Miles Teller, Imogen Poots, Michael B. Jordan), this rank “comedy” supports a borderline violent, totalitarian anti-feminist worldview in which woman are doormats to be treated as such. I can’t think of another film this year that so actively tried to disarm womankind and did so with such gross snarkiness. I found the film distasteful to say the least and even borderline damaging for those unfortunate enough to mistake its message for reality. That Awkward Moment presents a backwards zeitgeist that needs to be put in the rear view as a prize to be won. Zac Efron has never stooped so low.  

7. THEY CAME TOGETHER

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I make a point of avoiding movies that will too easily make its way onto this year end list of worsts. I don’t see Sandler nut-kicking vehicles. I don’t watch Seltzer-Friedberg spoofs, I don’t bathe in Nicholas Sparks waters. I won’t bother with Christian-pandering flickolas. I go into movies fully expecting some modicum of entertainment and if I know that I’m going to be sighing and watch-checking for a number of hours, I just don’t bother. Then came They Came Together, a well-disguised trap; a nut-twisting landmine that reels you in with promises of satire only to deliver brain-crushing wallops of stupidity. Even the oddball charm of Amy Poehler and Paul Rudd couldn’t wash away the stench of absolute failure in this Larry the Cable Guy-level spoof. The amazing thing is some people actually liked this. Critics recommended it. I don’t know if I watched the film in an alternate universe or if some critics were getting paid off to hand out passes but there was nothing in this movie that made me even think about cracking a smile.

6. OUIJA

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To me there’s a monumental difference between bad movies and lazy movies and my disdain for the later far outweighs the former. Transcendence was a bad movie – it got jumbled up, dotted the T’s and crossed the I’s and went haywire – but at least it tried something. It wasn’t a rehashed conglomerated of old parts mashed together clumsily and without regard. Oujia represents this other side of the spectrum, the side in which nothing new is attempted, where everything reeks of lethargic malaise. Entirely lacking in inertia and completely devoid of novelty, it’s the kind of film that gives horror a bad name, that has the nerve to off its hapless teenagers in the most predicable of ways, that fails to present even one reason for its existence. In a word, it’s shameful.

5. HERCULES

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Disney’s 1997 animated Hercules is a thing of magic. The gospel-fed songs are inspiring and catchy as all hell (“Herc was on a roll”), the hero’s journey is handled with a weighty, classical approach, the animation absolutely soars and Danny Devito was a half-man, half-goat. I love it. Now take Brett Ratner‘s shatner of a flick and try and describe just one thing about it. It stars a man named The Rock. He battles stuff ‘n’ things. He pulls down a pillar at one point. I’m not sure if he was a God or not. It didn’t really matter. 2014’s Hercules is so bad because it’s so nothing. There is not one single memorable thing about it. Too bloodless to revel in and too thoughtless to engage with, it’s a white-washed mash of “Who gives a shit?” I’ll tell you who, not me.

4. MALEFICENT

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Angelina Jolie‘s inhuman cheekbones stars amidst a wash of CGI in an origin story that takes a meaty dump on the beloved Sleeping Beauty fairytale lore of yore. This revisited Disney saga is a Frankenstein’s monster of blockbuster glitz that batters its audience with allusions to rape and then has trees fighting men. Utterly without a voice and any discernible perspective, Maleficent rests on the starring power of Angelina Jolie, an actress more apt to strike a pose than to, ya know, act and you feel the strain of the film’s weight upon her underfed shoulders. Yucky, grossly dull and entirely fake, Maleficent represents rock bottom for Disney’s live action re-tellings and is an absolute task to endure.

3. IF I STAY

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Chloe Grace Moretz is a darling. She is not however dramatically inclined and the wholly incompetent If I Stay is bitter proof of that. The story is tragi-porn city, with a plot that involves a coma, dead parents, a dying brother and, gasp, an on-the-rocks teenage romance. 2014 has been the year of shoehorning calamity into romance – cancer cough, Fault in Our Stars, cancer cough – but none did it worse than If I Stay. Like a battering ram trying to bust down the gateway to our tears, the film wears its cheesy intent on its sleeve and is all the worse for wear for it. There’s a threshold for how much an audience will believably endure before we just begin to snicker and If I Stay crosses that line early on and proceeds to cross it again and again and again.

2. DIVERGENT

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At 139 minutes, Divergent is the most punishing motion picture of the year – a recklessly lengthy stretch of kids jumping over shit and yelling “dauntless”. Plastered in black pleather and smeared with Jai Courtney grimaces, this popular kids book turned wannabe hit franchise is the worst derivative young adult dystopia of the (growing) lot in many parts because of its utter narrative incompetence. There’s class-based factions, shifting power structures, social uprisings – basically the makings for timely political intrigue – but it’s all handled with the good grace of a date with Bill Cosby. Did I mention Jai Courtney was in this?

1. HORNS

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Joe Hill’s novel Horns was warmly met by fans and critics, receiving a nomination for the 2010 Bram Stoker Award for Best Novel, a prize that had in the past gone to the likes of Thomas Harris and Steven King. Alexandre Aja, director of The Hills Have Eyes remake, Piranha 3D and last year’s widely panned Maniac takes Hill’s novel and bastardizes its mania into harebrained stupidity. Daniel Radcliffe sports an anaconda boa and horns that make people confess their wildest sins (like wanting to eat a whole box of donuts!), religious allegories saunter into and out of frame and I think the whole thing is supposed to be some wildly miffed commentary on puberty and masturbation. But who the fuck knows. The result feels like a vision distilled down more times than good vodka, losing parts and pieces along the way until it wound up the ugly, pointless, plodding movie it was, one that is aggressively frustrating for its absolute missed potential and even worse for supposing all the while that it does have a point, a heart and a brain.

So there we have it, the worst flicks according to moi. On the way out the door though, we’ll take two more quick pot-shots, this time for the worst performances.

Worst Actress: Cameron Diaz “ANNIE”

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The singing. The acting. The faces. I don’t know which was worst. In a movie crammed with a brazen lack of charm, Cameron Diaz added log after log to the awful fire, hamming her way to this man’s Razzie chart-topper. As I noted in my review, there’s a very fine line between satire and mockery and it’s one that Diaz tragically misunderstood in the role. An actor’s journey is to find the humanity in their character – no matter how despicable, cold or inhuman – and from that understanding create a living, breathing human. We buy into the fact that this is not just a celebrity caked in makeup and dressed funny to be captured on camera so long as they ready themselves to convince us. It’s an unspoken contract that actors make with their audiences, one that Diaz violently violates as the ham-fisted Ms. Hannigan, a puppet of a character that’s more Oscar the Grouch than woman.

Worst Actor: Jai Courtney “DIVERGENT”

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The latest in “let’s make him a Hollywood “it” boy” (following in the footsteps of the somehow infinitely less dull Sam Worthington) Jai Courtney is the most fruitless actor working today. With a resume that includes franchise bed-pooper A Good Day to Die Hard, I, Frankenstein and Divergent, he’s got very little talent and even less pathos, set with the kind of face that invites a hearty punch. His work may not ever be aggressively bad but it’s always been aggressively careless. Maybe it’s because we got in a tiff before the premiere and I was harboring feelings of distain towards the Aussie actor but I earnestly can’t think of a performance that annoyed me more than his work in the endlessly punishing Divergent.

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Ranking Ridley Scott: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

When asked about his diversity of films and if he himself had any idea what constitutes a Ridley Scott film, the 77-year old director admitted, “There never was a plan and there still is no plan. I just jump into what fascinates me next.” His fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants attitude towards picking projects is illustrated by his definitively wonky filmography. Read More

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13 Most Disturbing Horror Movies of the Last 13 Years

First of all, I’m gonna throw down the NSFW gauntlet for these 13 most disturbing horror movies of the last 13 years because what you are about to witness is, as the name suggests, a list of not exactly your grandma’s horror movies. These are the most twisted, most gnarly, most graphic horror films ever. Their intent is to scar you. Their purpose, to become your nightmare. In the patheon of twisted, these reign supreme. The sample pictures I’ve included alone should be enough to scare you off from ever watching any of these twisted entries in a troubled genre. Treat this as a dare, not a suggestion. You enter the territory of the twisted on your own accord. If you’re still around by the second to last entry, may God have mercy on your soul. Read More