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Kate is an Elf in HOBBIT: THE WHOSIT OF WHATSIT

 

Oh Kate, the places you’ll go. Even behind those pointed ears, Zelda get-up and flaming red hair, I can still spot that lovably injured Lost character as Evangeline Lilly, who for all intense and purposes may as well just be Kate, makes her jump to Peter Jackson‘s world of Rings and things. Lilly is to play Tauriel in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and correct me if I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure she is an invented character (or one found when rummaging through those Appendices).

Kate, er Lilly, described her character as a warrior elf who won’t hesitate to kill. Sounds like the good ol’ Kate that I know. Now we just have to wait for her to get wrapped up in a love triangle between Bilbo and Gandalf that will never quite be resolved.

What do you think about all this fluffing up of the Hobbit story? Are you a fan of what Jackson is trying to do or do you think this dog is in need of a muzzle?

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Trailer for Excellent Orca Doc BLACKFISH

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Following the journey of orca Tilikum, Blackfish is a heart-wrenching documentary about the horrors and consequences of keeping these “gentle” sea-giants captive. As challenging as it is exposing, Gabriela Cowperthwaite‘s doc is a captivating experience not to be missed.

I had a chance to catch Blackfish at SIFF and even have a full review written but am required to hold off publishing it until it gets closer to release. Here’s a hint though: I really enjoyed it and fully expect it to garnish attention around the doc award’s circuit.

Without further adieu, here’s the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OEjYquyjcg

Blackfish is directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite and will find a home in theaters on July 12.

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It's Hard to Even Review ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE But Here Goes

 

How do you discuss a movie that seems to actively uphold genre trappings and makes absolutely no contribution to the film world at large or the horror subculture? You point out everything wrong with it and hope that no one makes these mistakes again. Well at least that’s what I’m gonna do. That and make fun of it.

Filmed in 2006, All The Boys Love Mandy Lane never saw the light of day (outside of a handful of horror festivals) until the Weinsteins recently picked it up for a late summer distribution and official theatrical release. Often heralded as the best kept secret in the horror genre, now that All The Boys Love Mandy Lane has seen the light of day, it’s clear that it should have stayed dead and buried.

 
As far as I can tell, the official synopsis is as follows: “Mandy Lane is a girl who is supposedly like super hot. She is like the hottest girl ever and like people would do anything to be with her. Her like best friend Emmet, who is a boy who is like totally not cool, is super jealous that all the boys like her so he like convinces this like super hot dude to jump off the roof into a pool to like impress her. But he like misses and dies. OMG. Months later, Mandy and Emmet are totally not BFFs anymore but Mandy is like super cool still (cuz she’s hot, duh!) and all the boys want to like get into her pants. When Mandy goes on a weekend trip with the popular kids, she like totally gets more than she asked for and bodies like start piling up. Also it’s like totally her friend Emmet.”

 

Embarrassing across the board, it’s hard to choose where to start digging into this lifeless pile of crap. Trying to decide what was the worst aspect is like arguing which historical dictator was the worse (my money is still on Hitler). In other words, it’s a contest of bads. The directing is flat-line, the acting supremely bottom-tier and the story is literally shocking in its complete and utter lack of originality. Like watching a pot of water boil, there is absolutely nothing interesting going on for the entirety of the film.

If anything, the “story” seems like a primer for something more; a trashed first draft that some dumpster diver found worth in and for some reason decided to make into an actual movie. It is as bare bones as you can get and fails to deviate from conventional horror plot structure to such a degree that you’re left wondering if they meant to be ironic in adhering to your each and every expectation. Cementing classic horror clichés rather than setting them up and flipping them on their heads, All The Boys Love Mandy Lane is mindlessly dull because its so awkwardly straight forward.

It’s as if there was a conscious effort to not add anything that could potentially be conceived as surprising or interesting. Even the death scenes were remarkably lame. I’m no champion of guts-and-gore but there is absolutely nothing here that is either distressing or haunting. Even when a girl gets a rifle shoved in her mouth until she starts to bleed, the practical effects and makeup are so unconvincing and juvenile that I felt like I was watching something my friends and I made in ninth grade. Not to discount our efforts… but come on people.

 

At the helm of this project is Jonathan Levine who is actually a fairly respectable filmmaker (this project notwithstanding). Levine’s 50/50 showed an unimaginably deft ability to blend cancer with comedy and even Warm Bodies was a mildly entertaining riff on the zombie and rom-com genre. At least Levine is not to blame for the utterly contrived script, as responsibility there goes to Jacob Forman, who, imagine that, has not had another writing credit since. Levine is, however, accountable for the utterly lifeless nature of the film. Each sepia-toned shot is as plagiarized and simple as the next and the repetitive camerawork makes this already slow movie drag its feet even more. Clearly, Levine has moved head and shoulders above this pedigree of filmmaking but it is still an embarrassment to have his name credited to his garbage.

If you’re going to make a slasher in this day and age, you need something to distinguish it from the pack. There are bins literally filled with movies about teenagers-at-an-abandoned-lake/cabin/ranch/who gives a shit and there’s a reason you find these types of movies overflowing the Walmart value bins at 99 cents a pop. They are literally piles of crap and all Levine has done is made the pile higher as there is not one distinguishing feature that makes this one stand above any of the others. In truth, this could be one of the worst horror movies ever made. If not the worst, it is certainly one of the least ambitious.

In order to get you to avoid this detestably lame sack of doo-doo, I’m going to go ahead and ruin the “twist” ending. Are you ready? Here come the final notes on Forman’s script: “It was her! She did it! She teamed up with her BFF and they were a team! OMG! Yes! Victory! Score! LMAO! Together they killed the popular kids…but now it’s time for them to kill themselves. Duped ya! Oh no she didn’t! Instead she’ll kill her BFF and totally gets away with it! Ha! Been there, killed them. Killed them all. Now it’s the end. Yes!”

 

All joking aside, this is literally the most poorly executed twist of all time. So it was her. Fine. It doesn’t really matter to me either way but I was ready to get to the bottom of this. Why exactly did she decide to seemingly abandon her unpopular best friend and befriend the popular kids (who’s only crime against her was really intense levels of awkward flirtation but I mean they never like tried to rape her or anything)? And just when we’re ready to get the answers and have the whole thing wrap up, it doesn’t. There’s nothing. No explanation. No justification. It’s almost as if Levine thought that he resolved everything, put down the camera, sparked a big joint and called it quits. It’s the movie equivalent of George W. Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” banner: 12 years later and we’re still at war. Maybe it would have come across as ironic or, um, something if Mandy Lane (Amber Heard) didn’t have the personality of a pet rock but alas!

I’m just going to quickly breeze over the “acting” portion of this write-up because there is really nothing to talk about. There’s the jock, the popular kid, the nerd, the slut, the pretty one, and the virgin and each of them play their role with about as much bravado as an Ent (that’s me making a clever Lord of the Rings reference to call their acting wooden!) I guess the only two who are really required to do anything on an acting level are Heard and
Michael Welch as Emett but dear lord are they terrible characters. When you make Friday the 13th‘s Jason look like a complex and rounded character study, you know you’re doing something wrong. Shame on you both.

All in all, this is a movie you should simply avoid. It’s not scary. It’s not funny. It’s not ironic. It’s white bread soaked in water. It’s such a dullard that it’s almost confusing. I really do think that Levine must have assumed that there was something ironic about doing exactly what we expected him to do but in reality, it works about as well as the Hindenburg. That is, it blew up in his face. Even diehard horror fans are sure to walk away feeling empty and robbed at the end of this movie so if you absolutely must, must, must see it, wait for it at the bargain bins in Walmart because that is sure to be its eventual home.

F

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SIFF Review: MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

“Much Ado About Nothing”
Directed by Joss Whedon
Starring Nathan Fillion, Clark Gregg, Reed Diamond, Fran Kranz, Sean Maher, Spencer Treat Clark, Riki Lindhome, Ashley Johnson
Comedy/Drama/Romance
107 Mins 
PG-13

Every time any sane person starts watching a Shakespeare adaptation, there’s that initial shock of the compacted and complex language – a bucket of cold water that reminds you that you can’t just sit back and coast – and the same is the case with Joss Whedon‘s Much Ado About Nothing.

Rather than your casual lethargic movie-going experience, you are forced to follow along as closely as possible if you want to gleam all the comic zingers from the work of the great Bard. However sink-or-swim Shakespeare’s diction may be, Whedon aims to make the experience as user-friendly as possible and charges through the weighty task of adapting such a prolific poet with a bubbly sense of life and purpose. It’s in this love of craft on all fronts that makes this modern envisioning work as well as it does.

All the performers’ love for Shakespeare and his hefty diction is clearly evident as Whedon and company tap into the timeless spirit of the mystery of love. They seem to capture a fleeting grasp of it. The question that remains when the lights go up is whether it’s just a good Shakespeare movie or just a good movie regardless of qualification and unfortunately I think it is more the former than the latter.

When you find out that this was filmed in a mere 12 days in Whedon’s backyard, it’s not really a surprise. If anything, it puts the film in context. While it is impressive to have jammed the entire enterprise together that quickly, it is entirely obvious that this was not a project of fiercely deliberate preparation. There are blatant edit quirks and none of the camera work is necessarily fancy or impressive. Likewise, the set is what it is: a house. But all of this stripping down works as Whedon’s film thrives on relationships and proses rather than production value.

Nathan Fillion (Firefly) is a standout in this talented cast and although he has limited screen time, he milks his dumbed-down police captain for all the zingers he can get. Likewise, Amy Acker (Cabin in the Woods) and Alexis Denisof (The Avengers) as Beatrice and Benedick respectively, have nice chemistry as they shuffle between playful admonishment and loving adoration on the turn of a dime.

Clark Gregg (The Avengers) and Fran Kranz (Cabin in the Woods) help fill out the ensemble and both prove their aptitude to chew the scenery as the many relations boil over around them. Although nearly all of their characters are easily influenced one way or another, their performers commit to the oblivious nature of their fickle attitudes with panache.

In Much Ado About Nothing, love is a game of scheming and manipulation. Dissimilarly, Whedon’s interpretation reveals his gambit for exactly what it is: a one-and-done modernized adaptation proud to bear its fuzzy flaws. For what it’s worth, Whedon has produced a charming rendition that is told with eloquence and crafted with care that will be sure to delight those willing to spend an hour catching up with the late, great Shakespeare.

B-

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Sam Mendes Returning for Bond 24 and Maybe 25

 

After wrapping Skyfall, Sam Mendes (American Beauty) denied being interested in returning for any future installments of Bond. Although he claims to have had a good experience working with the iconic franchise, he needed to return to other projects, both within the film and theatrical world. Apparently a big, fat paycheck has changed his mind as Mendes is now confirmed to return for Bond 24 and is highly likely to also shoot Bond 25.

As to whether these features will shoot back-to-back is still unknown but speculation has pointed to A. these two films telling one narrative arc and B. they will be Daniel Craig‘s final Bond features. Having a director shoot two consecutive Bond movies is unheard of, let alone three so this is a definitive shift in the way that the Bond estate does business.

Putting this into context of reports that Christopher Nolan will be stepping aboard a Bond film, this perfectly sets up a Nolan-helmed Bond 26 as a relaunch with a new face for Bond. If  MGM can just speed this train up on these next two Bond films then we could look for that Nolan relaunch around 2018.

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SIFF Review: KINGS OF SUMMER

“The Kings of Summer”
Directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts
Starring Nick Robinson, Gabriel Basso, Moises Arias, Nick Offerman,
Megan Mullally, Marc Evan Jackson, Craig Cackowski and Erin Moriarty
Comedy
93 Mins
R

Jordan Vogt-Roberts has cast his net into a summer overflowing with coming-of-age stories with The Kings of Summer, a film just strange and fantastical enough to leave a little bit of a mark. A lively mish-mash of novel spirit and borrowed plotting, Vogt-Roberts never quite gets a grasp on whether he wanted this to be more Huckleberry Finn or Y Tu Mama Tambien. It’s got a little bit of both but doesn’t quite indulge in the alluringly mystical environment as much as it should have.

Shambling through  spazzed-out and bone-dry comic tilts, The Kings of Summer packs enough laughs to overcome its eventual descent into melodrama where too much stock plot spoils the most intriguing aspects of the feature: three teenage boys trying to live in the wild. 

Joe is our entrance to the film. Played by all-American Nick Robinson, Joe is almost too good looking for his pitiable social standing but we let it slide. Gabriel Basso (Super 8) plays Patrick, Joe’s best friend, social circle equal and confidant. Tired of their overbearing parents and fed-up with their low standing in the social circuit, Joe and Patrick decide to run away from the tedium of their high school lives for a summer to build their own escapist woodland shanty.

Vagrancy has never looked this…well… cool. Joe, Patrick and where-did-he-come-from-Biaggio commit to abandoning familiarity to live off the land and assemble a kick-ass house in the midst of seemingly enchanted woods.

Who is this Biaggio character, you ask? He’s a short, funny looking thing, filled in by a left-field performance from Moises Arias, playing off a Napoleon Dynamite-level of awkward quirk. Although he’s popping off some great one-liners left and right, his character makes no sense in the context of these relationships as he literally shows up out of the blue for little more than comic relief. Even with a hilarious presence, these unaccounted for logic gaps dig head-scratching divots into the natural narrative arc and devalue the overall impact.

On the other side of the spectrum, Nick Offerman is no fool’s gold. He’s the real thing. Screenwriter Chris Galletta‘s words flow from Offerman’s mouth like oily mead: bludgeoning yet perfect. Either Galletta has Offerman’s idiosyncratic, manly-man, sardonic wit down flat or Vogt-Roberts let Offerman channel his inner Ron Swanson and riff off that. Regardless, his character works tremendously and his relationship with his son is hardhearted but emotionally nuanced. In Offerman, the comedy and drama shines.

Lacking the emotional depth of the Offerman-and-son relationship but ratcheting up a different breed of comedy, Megan Mullally and Marc Evan Jackson offer striking satire on the WASP family structure. However innocent their voyeurism is, they are a pair of parents so hands-on that they can’t help themselves but to comment on every single detail of their son Patrick’s life down to his wardrobe. It’s no wonder that he runs away.

Out in the woods, things seem promising but a late second act shift towards a more schmaltzy and familiar path tilt the balance board into bathos. When Patrick and Joe’s friendship is tested over a girl, there’s a palpable collective sigh from the viewership -so I guess this is happening. This wringing of the cultural wash pool for teenage milestones doesn’t destroy the feature but it robs it of its more original platform.



Remaining after the fall is the arresting scenery; even in the whirl of entropy these forested shots are tinted with childhood magic. As an audience, we’re still entranced by the Eden-like qualities of the setting despite the lost sparkle in the character’s relationship-drunken eyes. In becoming “men,” they’ve lost the worth of this place.

Failing to see the forest for the trees, Vogt-Roberts had shoehorned a tired bros-over-hoes message into an otherwise trailblazing narrative. Following a first act that’s solid gold, the film abandons offbeat wit for caged wisdom as conventional as it is predictable. Keeping the esoteric alive in characters like Biaggio and Offerman’s Frank does keep our interest but cements the facts that characters and events in this world are weird and serendipitous for the sake of being weird and serendipitous.

When all is said and done, The Kings of Summer is gratifying escapism with solid laughs, choked out by its willingness to engage in the customary.

C+

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Teaser Trailer for MACHETE KILLS

 

Somehow, I never got around to seeing Machete even though it’s been on my to-see list forever. Now that there’s a sequel in the works, I think I’ll have to buckle down and finally watch it. Now having not seen it, my expectations are campy and gratuitous violence, explicit nudity and totally unnecessary sexual acts and wooden, snarky acting across the board.

Danny Trejo returns to Machete Kills, which is Robert Rodriguez‘s second film in a planned trilogy that he hopes to end with Machete in Space. While this obviously sounds ludicrious, it does sound like the plot to this sequel will set up the third film as it involves Machete hunting down an arm’s dealer who has unleashed a deadly weapon orbiting around Earth. Whether or not the franchise makes it to a third revolution is entirely depend upon the performance of this one so don’t count those chickens before they hatch.

Check out the trailer right here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTTWq-FxgGs

Machete Kills
is directed by Robert Rodriguez and stars Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Amber Heard, Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Jessica Alba, Demián Bichir, Alexa Vega, Vanessa Hudgens, Cuba Gooding, Jr., William Sadler, Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen. It hits theaters September 23.

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Last MONSTERS UNIVERSITY Trailer

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Although my initial judgement was that this latest Pixar offering looked more geared towards children than adults, it’s been getting some pretty good buzz so I’m still holding out hope that Monsters University is actually half way decent if not pretty good.

Directed by Dan Scanlon, who will make his Pixar debut with Monsters U, this prequel brings us back to the college days of Mike and Sully as they learn the ropes of scare tactics with both Billy Crystal and John Goodman back behind the voices.

I’ll be seeing Monsters University at SIFF in a little more than a week so here’s hoping that it doesn’t disappoint. Check out the final trailer right here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBzPioph8CI

Monsters University is directed by Dan Scanlon and stars Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Nathan Fillion, John Krasinki, Steve Buschemi, Alfred Molina, Frank Oz and Charlie Day. It opens wide on June 21.

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SIFF Review: THE EAST

“The East”
Directed by Zal Batmanglij
Starring Brit Marling, Alexander Skarsgård, Toby Kebbell, Shiloh Fernandez, Aldis Hodge, Patricia Clarkson
Thriller, Drama, Mystery
116 Mins
R

The East is neither the first movie about an undercover mole infiltrating an enemy organization, learning the universal worth of their dogma and falling for their leader nor will it be the last. Nonetheless, it’s commendable for its throbbing sense of stakes even in light of the searing self-righteous aplomb beating you over the head at every turn.

However young and fragile she may seem, Sarah (Brit Marling) is a daring security firm agent intent on going deep-cover with an eco-terrorist organization known only as The East whose retaliatory exploits against corporate CEOs have been heavily featured in the media. Cloaked in ragged hipster gear, strapped into Birkenstocks but still smelling of soap, Sarah tries to earn credibility within the rungs of the alternative ragamuffins she’s taken up camp with.

Eventually, she winds up playing wingman to a rare East member and, after slashing herself with a can of coke, is taken to The East’s headquarters to witness their unconventional ways and seemingly violent credo. She immediately forms a bond with their passive but firm leader Benji, played by Alexander Skarsgård (True Blood). To the members of The East, the acts they commit are not terrorism so much as a lesson. They live by the tenants of Hammurabi’s Code: an eye for an eye.

Those who dump oil into the ocean will have oil dumped into their homes. Those who intentionally distribute prescription drugs with devastating side effects will be force-fed those same drugs. Those who operate plants that knowingly poison the local water supply will be forced to bathe in that water. It’s a harsh comeuppance but the organization sees it as a necessary evil to get the world back on track. Toby Kebbell stands out from amongst the cast and acts as the emotional fulcrum, particularly when he recounts the story of his sister’s passing at the hands of an irresponsible pharmaceutical corporation. In time, Sarah begins to see the world through their eyes and is torn between the responsibilities of her past life and her newfound kinship with The East.

As individual elements, the characters work great but there’s a flatness between the two leads that you can’t quite put your finger on. Skarsgård is captivating and Marling manages to juggle the duality of her character with ease but their chemistry feels a little forced. Rather than an organic connection, this supposedly unexpected relationship was exactly the opposite. It felt like a fore-drawn conclusion created within a script rather than a natural character progression.

Somewhere between the center and the outskirts of the story is Ellen Page (Inception, Juno) whose role was an undeniable letdown. Her character plays the nonsensical narrative scapegoat with her alliances and motivations shifting on a dime. Chop her into two and she wouldn’t be this lumped together, confused amalgamation.

However nonchalantly you interpret the corporate threat to our world lingering within the film, the brazen political positioning is sure to make you feel something, forcing you to shimmy to one side or the other depending on the presumptions you enter the theater with and your willingness to engage with the material presented.

As such, The East is an interactive experience demanding viewers to take a stance and wrestle with it throughout. But buried in all this palpable, self-serious introspection, there is a fun spy thriller that breathes life, stakes and momentum into the piece allowing it to be more than just a downtrodden and pedantic procedural.

The jury is out as to whether this thinly masked political subterfuge will be effective as catalyzing filmmaking but you have to respect Zal Batmanglij for trying. Too often, movies don’t bother with a message or their agenda is too broadly painted to be definitively interpretable and thus meaningful. Batmanglij though broadcasts his eco-friendly stance here even more so than James Cameron with Avatar. Lobbing stink bombs at corporations may seem like a fruitless undertaking, especially under the auspices of Fox Searchlight, but at least Batmanglij is taking a step in the right direction.

As a thriller, The East has an extraordinary first and second act but is jarringly interrupted and the hard-earned edge-of-your-seat involvement spills over like a glass of milk. As a lesson in morality and escalation, the lines seem a little more blurred. This is clearly wishful thinking. As the film builds to climaxes of shifty moral ambiguities, its self-serious nature takes precedence over the sheer uninhibited fun set lose in the thriller components and limits it from reaching heights within its grasp.

B-

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Talking with Clark Gregg About THE AVENGERS and AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

 

High on the velvety steps of the Seattle International Film Festival‘s opening night gala, I had a chance to speak with Clark Gregg, the one actor who has been in as many Marvel films as Robert Downey Jr. From the first inklings of the Marvel Movie Universe in Iron Man, Gregg has played Agent Coulson, an uncharacteristically likeable but no-nonsense agent of S.H.I.E.L.D; the super-secret, super-hero organization led by Samuel L. Jackson‘s Nick Fury. S.H.I.E.L.D has had a hand in all of the Marvel movies leading up to The Avengers as they are the organization responsible for assembling the troop of heroes together and Gregg, alongside Jackson, have been the face of The Avengers years before the movie’s release.

 

For those who haven’t seen The Avengers, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you never will but will still give you fair warning that there are some SPOILERS in here for it. In the second act of The Avengers, Gregg’s Coulson is run through by villain Loki with an enchanted scepter, effectively gutting Coulson and leaving him to die wide-eyed on camera. Later, his death is used as motivation for the team to drop their egos and unite into a viable team. As such, Coulson is the unsung hero, the catalyst for the Avengers assembly and their saving NYC.

With the announcement of Marvel’s network television show, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, many were speculating the return of Coulson, even though this wouldn’t strictly make sense in relation to The Avengers. However, it turns out that Coulson is still alive…but Gregg had no idea that he was.

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What was it like having your character come back from the dead?

Clark Gregg: Well even though I knew that this was the comic book world, I didn’t get my hopes up. His death was the motivation for the Avengers to unite so it was very cut and dry. I was sad to be leaving this character that I played for four movies but it had to be done for the sake of the story.

So you had no idea that you would be returning?

CG: No. It seemed really definitive. When we were shooting the scene where he dies, I kept asking if they want shoot it again where they just graze me, because they gutted me pretty good. I thought if I was ever going to return, they might want a version where I didn’t look so dead but that was what we went with. When I got the call, I was as surprised as anyone else. I thought he was dead.

What has it been like working on the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D?

CG: It’s been really similar to the movie because Joss is writing, directing and producing. But instead of having all the superheroes, this is about real world people and the group that Coulson leads and works with.

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The question that remains is whether or not Whedon had any intention of keeping Coulson alive after the series. I would assume that Whedon built himself a little loophole with the whole “blood-covered cards cards from the locker” gambit, giving himself an out if The Avengers was the success that it eventually was and he wanted to continue being able to use Coulson.

With Whedon given the reins to the television show, the only natural helmer of that project was Gregg’s Coulson so it goes without saying that the whole revival, however deviant and perhaps unwarranted, is a necessary evil to the success of that spinoff.

As to whether or not the television show will be a hit or not, things are still up in the air but my gut is telling me that it’ll be dead in the water in terms of critical reaction but will still claim a legion of fans who want to be in the know for the ongoing Marvel Movie Universe saga. For those of you who haven’t seen the trailer for the ABC‘s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. check it out right here:

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