A well-written and excellently executed script can buoy an isolated cliché. As The Suicide Theory embodies neither of these traits, it hits an iceberg early on with multiple turns of the phrase “Do you believe in fate?” and manages to sink rather rapidly.

Director Dru Brown details the morbid bromance of Steven ( Steve Mouzakis) and Percival (Leon Cane), two star-crossed widowers who find (platonic) love in a hopeless place. The film’s protagonists are shrouded in loneliness and depression until unlucky-in-suicide Percival seeks the assistance of professional hit man Steven. Percival’s failure is not through lack of want or effort; he has made numerous attempts on his life utilizing a variety of generally thorough methods, such as a bullet to the brain. However, all endeavors are met with the same dismal outcome: Life.

Percival attributes his suicidal flops to wanting what he cannot have. In order to stop cheating death he has to trick it into thinking it is no longer desirable. Steven is hired to take Percival out at the first sign of a willingness to live.

Steven is skeptical of the theory until he witnesses for himself his client’s miraculous knack for not dying. The pair grows closer with each homicidal attempt and for the first time ever Steve begins to question his career path. The friendship is solidified when Steve blows the balls off a barman who violently queer-bashes Percival after luring him back to a hotel room under false pretenses.

That the societally functional homophobe comes across as more sadistic than either of the overtly dysfunctional protagonists (both of whom are socially defunct murderers) is the most interesting aspect of the film. Amongst a sea of questionable antics, including an alcohol-fueled hit-and-run that leaves a pregnant woman for dead, the actions of the barman somehow come across as less than human.

Additional redeeming features are spattered here and there. Mouzakis gives a highly commendable performance; his portrayal of Steven injects a necessary depth into a script otherwise lacking in momentum. However, the convoluted manner in which the story unfolds makes it a bore to behold. Subtle thematic gems and an intriguing twist at the story’s end only work if you’re able to capture and sustain viewer attention from the outset throughout. The Suicide Theory fails on both fronts.