After butchering Idina Menzel‘s name during the Oscars (fact: her name is not “Adele Dazeem”), John Travolta has seen a noted bump in his celebrity. As hordes of people have taken to the inter webs to have their names John Travoltaized, the nation and the world has joined forces to take pot shots at a washed-up (can’t we call him that now?) superstar and bask in the glory of our own colloquial superiority.  Whether he suffers an actual learning disability and we’re collectively mocking a dyslexic person or if Travolta merely forgot his spectacles, it’s still “gorgeously empowering” to mock this “wickedly talented” star. Here he is, pronouncing the names of Menzel’s fellow Oscar winners. So strap on your best John Travolta impersonation and give these a go in all in your most affected and staccato drawl.

Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto = “The momentously inspiring, Joey Larta

Best Actor: Matthew McConaughey = “The unparalleled and inimitable, MacArthur Gattahew

Best Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong’o = “The stirringly animated O’yanga Tapiola

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett = “The refreshingly candid Blanche Catitt

Best Director Alfonso Cuaron  = “The touchingly sincere Usef Calarosa

Best Original Screenplay: Spike Jonze = “The bona-fidely vivacious Jonsey Pike

Best Adapted Screenplay: John Ridley = “The awesomely artistic “Red Johnny” Li

Best Cinematography: Emmanuel Lubezki = “The brilliantly uplifting Zamuel K. Manuel

BONUS: Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave = “12 Salves a Year


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