After butchering Idina Menzel‘s name during the Oscars (fact: her name is not “Adele Dazeem”), John Travolta has seen a noted bump in his celebrity. As hordes of people have taken to the inter webs to have their names John Travoltaized, the nation and the world has joined forces to take pot shots at a washed-up (can’t we call him that now?) superstar and bask in the glory of our own colloquial superiority. Whether he suffers an actual learning disability and we’re collectively mocking a dyslexic person or if Travolta merely forgot his spectacles, it’s still “gorgeously empowering” to mock this “wickedly talented” star. Here he is, pronouncing the names of Menzel’s fellow Oscar winners. So strap on your best John Travolta impersonation and give these a go in all in your most affected and staccato drawl.
Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto = “The momentously inspiring, Joey Larta“
Best Actor: Matthew McConaughey = “The unparalleled and inimitable, MacArthur Gattahew“
Best Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong’o = “The stirringly animated O’yanga Tapiola“
Best Actress: Cate Blanchett = “The refreshingly candid Blanche Catitt“
Best Director Alfonso Cuaron = “The touchingly sincere Usef Calarosa“
Best Original Screenplay: Spike Jonze = “The bona-fidely vivacious Jonsey Pike“
Best Adapted Screenplay: John Ridley = “The awesomely artistic “Red Johnny” Li“
Best Cinematography: Emmanuel Lubezki = “The brilliantly uplifting Zamuel K. Manuel“
BONUS: Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave = “12 Salves a Year“
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By: Matt Oakes
Started blogging about film in college when the university paper wouldn’t have him. Dislikes your consensus film Twitter favorites. Devotee of horror movies that make him die a little inside. Catches films at festivals when he can. Proud SFCS and OFCS member and Tomatometer-approved critic. Editor-in-chief of Silver Screen Riot.
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