Unless the marketing team for Amazon Instant Video is run by a troop of eunuch monkeys incapable of making a half-way decent trailer, Zombieland: The Series just signed, sealed and delivered itself straight to the reject pile. The fifty second clip is somehow offensive, off-putting and sad. It’s everything that makes for bad television at worst, and a dirty imitation at best.

2009’s Zombieland thrived on goofy laughs and gory goodness with a fantastic cast to back it all up. While plans for a sequel were considered, they were scraped in favor of an ongoing television series. Without the stars of the original Zombieland movie, much of the punchy fun seems lost in this trailer.  Kirk Ward will take Woody Harrelson’s place as “Tallahassee”; Tyler Ross will take on Jesse Eisenberg’s character, “Columbus”; Maiara Walsh grabs the reins for Emma Stone‘s “Wichita” and the adorably-ass-kicking “Little Rock” originally played by Abigail Breslin passes onto Izabela Vidovic. This completely unknown cast of name hardly inspires confidence.

Take a look at the trailer below but be warned: it ain’t gonna be pretty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdlBeKpsF7M

Much like Netflix Original Series thus-far success ploy to entice subscribers with original content, Amazon Instant Video is following suit but without any noticeable measure of value. In this day and age, television is often more ambitious than film and the bar is higher than ever in premium television.

What I just watched looks like a sagging plagiarized pile of garbage. I will humbly retract my statements if this show turns out to be the best thing this side of Breaking Badbut heed my words: trash like this will not stand for long outside of the protective grasp of network television and set against the sky-high standards of modern premium television. Amazon Instant Video should be embarrassed that this is what they’re bringing to the table and ought to head back to the drawing board if they want to have any real stake in the subscription-based original series games.

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