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Out in Theaters: ‘JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM’ 

Fallen Kingdom indeed. If you’re considering seeing the latest Jurassic World movie, do yourself a favor and flush that $13 down the toilet instead. There’s maybe 15 minutes of Fallen Kingdom’s 130-minute runtime that is almost, kind of watchable. The rest is some of the most embarrassing tentpole bullshit this side of a Transformers movie. Hackneyed dialogue, a shamelessly uncreative and entirely predictable plot, awful acting, boring characters, and zero memorable set pieces to distract from all the awfulness, Fallen Kingdom sets an incredibly low bar for the once beloved dino series, delivering an abomination of blockbuster filmmaking that makes one wish for a meteorite to strike their local theater and wipe its nasty existence clean from this Earth.  Read More

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Out in Theaters: PAPER TOWNS

Paper Towns is as infantile as it is pointless; a sloppily rendered, paint-by-numbers filmic blunder that celebrates femininity and the free spirit without understanding either. It’s a glossy venture through teenagedom (emphasis on “dumb”) that both takes itself too seriously and is too fantastical and inconsequential to be taken seriously. As such, it simply fails to grasp anything of value, though its fingers remain greedily extended. Though acted with suitable gusto by its young cast, Paper Towns is the movie equivalent of a rambling troglodyte, spouting words and ideas without having much to say at all.   Read More