Out in Theaters: ‘THE MEG’

Loose lips sink ships in Jon Turteltaub‘s blubbery shark actioner, a ceaselessly talky and endlessly nonsensical ocean-set joyride that should be a hell of a lot more fun than it actually is. Those going in hoping to see an 80-foot shark gnash meddling homo-sapiens to flesh ribbons will find themselves but partially satisfied, destined to wade through the shallows of ungodly writing and forced to endure some of the worst acting in US cineplexes, courtesy of Chinese co-producers and the English-as-a-second-language talent offered up here. Read More



To say that no one asked for a Transporter reboot is putting things lightly. The franchise in which Jason Statham rose to fame hardly lit up the box office when it set off in 2002, barely crossing the 25 million dollar marker on a 21 million dollar budget. The second installment hardly fared better, scraping up 43 on 32 and by movie numero three, the second-rate action/car staple was hardly scraping by. 7 years later, we have the latest addition to the “Why In Hell Was This Rebooted?” pool in The Transporter Refueled, a near abomination of filmmaking, barely held together by flashy Audi commercial tie-ins, gratuitous sexual violence and Ray Stevenson’s equally flashy grin. At least Ray’s having some fun. We in the audience though are not privy to such leisure. Read More


Out in Theaters: SPY

Like Funyuns, Melissa McCarthy is an acquired taste. In her least delicate projects, she vaults around the frame, sharting and cursing to the apparent delight of squealing audiences that I just don’t relate to. Even in Paul Feig‘s Spy – a film that affords her at least an attempt at a three-dimensional character – a wide margin of the comedy is rooted in McCarthy’s heft and just how riotous it is to see a fat lady try to do normal lady things. Tee-hee. Read More



At the bedside of crisped brother Owen Shaw (Luke Evans), older, meaner Deckard (Jason Statham) vows revenge on the crew that turned his sibling into a pin cushion. The camera pulls back to reveal a high security hospital-turned-war zone and Statham slowly saunters past gunned-down guards, ravaged rooms and fizzling tech. The world pisses itself in the presence of Deckard – your appropriately chewy badass action movie baddie at the center of the latest Fast film. It’s a rightfully outrageous moment that aptly sums up Furious 7 in its complete and stupid glory; it’s so dumb, it’s so good. Read More


Red Band Trailer for HOMEFRONT Gets Bloody
Jason Statham continues his streak of playing badass Americans with British accents, in Gary Fleder’s Homeland. But, like with Arnold Schwarzenegger, we don’t really care. The spoiler-ridden trailer plays like an annotation for five different action movies in one. A little bit Taken, a little bit Walking Tall, a little bit A History of Violence, and a little bit Malone (if you want to get obscure), Homeland promises nothing new. As silly as it sounds, though, as long as it gives Statham the chance to beat people up and say cool-sounding lines, it will probably be fun as hell. Statham is on his way to full Seagallhood.

This film harbors no illusions about being anything more than a B-movie with a budget. James Franco looks to be really solid, as the meth kingpin (a scene in a yellow hazmat suit makes it impossible not to think of Breaking Bad). Also, Jason Statham looks to turn in a stunning performance as Jason Statham. The hilariously cliché plot and generic action sequences make it tricky to judge the overall quality from the trailer. Films like this tend to be a mixed bag of cult classics and garbage. If you’re in the mood for mindless action, check this out in theaters starting November 27th. If you are like me, wait for it to be on TNT in a year and watch it over a couple beers with friends, while doing Jason Statham impressions.

Homefront is directed by Gary Fleder and stars Jason Statham, James Franco, Winona Ryder, Kate Bosworth and Frank Grillo. It opens on November 27, 2013.

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