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‘BARBARIAN’ Is Part ‘DON’T BREATHE’, Part ‘WRONG TURN’ and it Rules

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Between 2016’s Don’t Breathe and Barbarian, there’s an emergent sub-genre of horror: Detroit Dystopia. Both films put the urban wreckage of the city’s broken ecosystem under the spotlight to set the scene for unspeakable horrors. Barbarian, if not directly inspired by Fede Alvarez’s 2016 horror hit, shares a lot of the same DNA and influences. Both take place in Detroit’s most rundown neighborhoods – an almost post-civilization shadowland marked by abandoned, graffiti-stained houses, a lack of discernible social services, and the roving few who’ve never left. In the ruin of a once flourishing industrial neighborhood lurks a gaping hole. And in that absence sadism festers. Their tunnels run deep. Read More

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‘THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING’ and the Problem of Story Telling as Storytelling

All You Need Is Love

First and foremost, Three Thousand Years of Longing is a story about stories. The history of stories, the way in which we tell stories, and the generational impact of those stories. How stories make us feel, make us yearn, make us swoon, make us fundamentally who we are. How stories become passed down from generation to generation and find themselves colored by those telling them. Where is the intersection of truth and stories? And how much can we expect our narrators to be bastions of truth? Further, the film probes how the stories we tell ourselves and others about who we are become self-fulfilling prophecies. Essentially – how autobiography can trap their tellers, ensnaring them within a cycle of lying about who or what they truly are. It’s a shame then that the least successful aspect of this particular yarn is the way that it unspools its story. Read More

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‘BEAST’ a Shaggy Summer Slasher With Sharp Claws 

Be Prepared

Idris Elba is Dr. Nate Samuels, a man visiting his late wife’s African homeland with his two teenage daughters in the predictable, playful creature feature Beast. The Savannah-set B-movie from director Baltasar Kormákur (Everest, 2 Guns) is a lean, mean summer slasher, all tightly-coiled, knuckle-headed muscle and razor-sharp claws lacking any more brain cells than absolutely required. A vengeful lion hunting humans for sport attacks the good doctor, his daughters Meredith (Iyana Halley) and Norah (Leah Jeffries), and their anti-poacher family friend Martin (Sharlto Copley) while the group is on safari. They must lean on their wits to outsmart the beast and come out of the bush in one piece. 

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Exhaustingly Excessive Actioner ‘BULLET TRAIN’ is Pure Joyless Destruction 

Snakes On a Train

The scourge that is the 2022 summer movie season continues with the loud, ultra-violent, and ultimately entirely mindless Bullet Train. Best known for the John Wick franchise, Deadpool 2, and the Fast and Furious spin-off Hobbs and Shaw, writer-director David Leitch is a creator of quickly diminishing returns. Here, he delivers an algorithmic Guy Ritchie wanna-be crime whodunnit packed with movie stars and the popular “gun-fu” combat style the former stunt man helped pioneer but short on actual plot locomotion and charm. All set on a train! It’s not an entirely feckless ride, the game performances are just enough to power the film forward and keep the groans to a minimum, but it’s as disposable as it is bloated with wanton destruction. For a movie this unconcerned with logical collateral fallout, one that childishly gawks at violence, it sure does have a strange amount of references to Thomas the Tank Engine. Read More

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‘THIRTEEN LIVES’ Explores the Depths of Human Ingenuity and Bravery in Workmanlike Retelling

It Takes a Village

Thirteen Lives, Ron Howard’s dramatic retelling of the 2018 Tham Luang cave rescue, takes an understatement approach to heroics, swerving away from the dramatic fanfare and teary-eyed grace notes of a typical Hollywood feature and relying instead on something more workmanlike, cut-and-dry, and almost minimalist. The true story that inspires Thirteen Lives has already been brilliantly told in National Geographic’s 2021 documentary The Rescue and Howard largely offers an unfussy translation of those events, without a lot else. In some senses, it could be argued that this feature film is an unnecessary addition to the story as it doesn’t provide any significant new wrinkles to the story as told by documentarians Jimmy Chin and Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi. But Howard’s ability to turn historical drama into nail-biting cinema makes this a worthwhile venture nonetheless, even for those acquainted with the details.
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‘NOPE’: Spielbergian Sci-Fi Falls to Earth, Proves Jordan Peele is Human

Icarus Who Flew Too High…

The name Jordan Peele carries weight. The sketch comic turned horror auteur cut his teeth mocking the familiar. Often quite brilliantly. His skill as a caricaturist made Peele the perfect tool to spin something new from the weathered clichés he so often lampooned. He – more than most – knew the difference between frail and fresh. You mock enough knock-offs and you become the expert on what hasn’t been attempted yet. In time, the satirist became a sacred commodity. From his mind, two horror greats (Get Out, Us) were born. Nope, Peele’s third feature film, is one of the most hotly anticipated films of the summer, if not the entire year. All because of Jordan Peele. Read More

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Waititi’s ‘THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER’ As Aimless, Superfluous As The MCU’s Phase 4 Writ Large 

Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Kill the Gods

It’s probably safe to define Thor: Love and Thunder, the fourth film in the main Thor series and eighth total appearance by Chris Hemsworth as the titular character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, by what it is not. It is not as good as its predecessor Ragnarok. Going a step further, I’d wager to say that it’s likely the worst of the Thor-central flicks – the often maligned Thor: The Dark World included. It’s not well constructed; the story is jumbled and meandering, the tone is all over the place, the character arcs are fairly uninvolving and flat. It’s not as funny as it thinks it is; the jokes mustering some low-grade chuckles here and there but nothing at the level of writer-director Taika Waititi’s best work – nor is it even on par with Marvel’s better comedic showcases. In short, it’s just not very good. Read More

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‘MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON’ A Delightful and Subtly Profound Mediation on Life (As a Shell)

Compared to What?

In 2010, the world met Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, a tiny anthropomorphic shell fitted with even tinier pink shoes, a sole googly eye, and a can-do attitude. The short film featuring Marcel was an endearing mockumentary about the trials and tribulations of a single shell’s life. The eponymous character did things like drag a piece of lint around on a hair like a dog while saying, “A lint is a shell’s best friend.” The short garnered 11-million views on YouTube and a legitimate cult following. The enthusiastic shell with many a quotable one-liner became a household name and the original short eventually begat a few short sequels, a couple spin-off storybooks, and, well over a decade later, an actual movie.  Read More

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‘CRIMES OF THE FUTURE’ Surgically Digs Into Society’s Bulging Guts

Surgery is the New Sex

The Canadian King of Venereal Horror, David Cronenberg, puts the perfectly bewildering capstone to his legacy of gross, mind-bending body horror with his latest feature Crimes of the Future. At once an exploration of the horrors of the post-post-modern human evolutionary track and a not-too-subtle cry for radical environmentalism, the 79-year old director’s latest stroke of squeamish cinema is a fitting encapsulation of the creator’s  entire demented body of work.   Read More

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‘TOP GUN: MAVERICK’ Offers Peak Blockbuster Thrills, Exceeding Original On Every Front

Cruise. Control. 

A legacy sequel that could have easily been nothing more than unnecessary nostalgia bait, Top Gun: Maverick is instead a tour de force blockbuster that reminds us of the joys of watching movies at the theater. After two years of wondering what the future of in-person cinema would look like in a post-Covid era, the high-flying feature from director Joseph Kosinski (Oblivion, Only the Brave) recalls the aspirational magic of the theatrical experience by looking back at what came before while also graciously paving the path forward. Read More