Probably In Theaters, Vol. 2


When Hollywood stops being so goddamn lazy with its movie concepts, I’ll do the same and actually Google the movie listings. Until then, here are the movies that are Probably In Theaters:

ACTION: Approaching the Bench


Approaching the Bench: “A disillusioned judge decides to take the law into his own hands and begins hitting the gym.”

SCI-FI: Down to Earth


Down To Earth: “An abandoned Alien teenager tries to live a normal life in a small town in southern california. His feelings for the local cheerleading captain are complicated when puberty hits and his alien genitalia come in.”

COMEDY: All Greek to Me


All Greek To Me: “A hearty teenage girl goes to Greece for the summer to stay with her distant relatives when her parents get a divorce. She learns about life, love, kebabs, and that differences are only skin-deep.”

HORROR: You Are What You Eat


You Are What You Eat: “When disobedient schoolchildren go missing, the trail leads to the cafeteria.”

ROMANCE: Legalese


Legalese: “Two uptight and perpetually single lawyers find each other: on opposing sides of a career-making case.”

THRILLER: Cover Girl


Cover Girl: “A beautiful secret agent masquerades as a jetsetting model in the world’s most fashionable—and dangerous—cities.”

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Probably In Theaters, Vol 1.


When Hollywood stops being so goddamn lazy with its movie concepts, I’ll do the same and actually Google the movie listings. Until then, here are the movies that are Probably In Theaters:

DRAMEDY: Act of God


Act of God: “A catastrophic-insurance salesman learns to live life to the fullest after he strikes up an unlikely friendship with the pastor of the local church he’s trying to sell to.



400: “Because four hundred guys is still like, woah, that’s not many guys versus a lot more guys, but it’s also more guys than the first two.

HORROR: No Brainer


No Brainer: A wave of decapitations hit a local town and everyone is convinced they know who’s behind it. The only problem: they can’t agree.



Cloud 9: “A sci-fi thriller where a software developer creates a cloud based storage system for happy memories—and then holds the world’s happiness for ransom when he threatens to erase them all.”

ROMANCE: Scott Free

Scott-Free: “Charming conman Scott always fools his target—until he falls in love with the one mark that just wants to get rid of him.”

BONUS: Star Wars Episode VII: Renewed Hope


Star Wars Episode VII: Renewed Hope: “JJ Abrams takes the wheel of the generally underwhelming Star Wars franchise to deliver a surprisingly fresh take on the series that nonetheless isn’t as good as movies that are actually good.”

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Hiccup and Toothless Have Grown in HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2 Poster

DreamWorks, despite once being seen as a lower quality animation studio, has an occasional gem. How to Train Your Dragon was one of those. The poster for the film’s sequel looks to pick up quite a bit later as Hiccup is now rocking some stubble. It’s five years later to be exact, according to the synopsis. What little has been revealed about the story looks to satisfy our craving for massive dragon battles, beautiful animation, and the same characters we know and love from the original.

Hiccup and Toothless occupy the poster, looking very brave. It’s nice to see a DreamWorks poster that doesn’t have the stupid, cocky, eyebrow curve that they are so famous for. With an all-star voice acting cast, including the likes of Gerard Butler, Jonah Hill, Kristen Wiig, Cate Blanchett, and even late-night television’s Craig Ferguson, How to Train Your Dragon 2 should be a watchable kids movie, at the very least.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 is directed by Dean DeBlois and stars Gerard Butler, Jay Baruche, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Craig Ferguson, Jonah Hill, Kristen Wiig, and Cate Blanchett. It hits theaters on June 13, 2014.

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First WOLF OF WALL STREET Poster Is a Big Pool Party

Like a young Mick Jagger, Leonardo DiCaprio belts into a mic as the crowd goes wild in this first poser for Martin Scorsese‘s The Wolf of Wall Street. Playing disgraced one-percenter Jordan Belfort, Leo looks to bring his signature charisma and acting prowess to the role. Whether or not he’ll be able to slip into an overflowing Oscar race is another story. At this point, odds are against it and he’ll need to go that extra mile in order to secure even a nomination.

Based on Belfort’s own memoirs, The Wolf of Wall Street details greed in the millions. Per the Amazon synopsis of that novel “by day he made thousands of dollars a minute. By night he spent it as fast as he could, on drugs, sex, and international globe-trotting. From the binge that sank a 170-foot motor yacht and ran up a $700,000 hotel tab, to the wife and kids waiting at home, and the fast-talking, hard-partying young stockbrokers who called him king and did his bidding, here, in his own inimitable words, is the story of the ill-fated genius they called… The Wolf of Wall Street.”

Rounding out the cast, we have Matthew McConaughey, Jonah Hill, Jean Dujardin, Rob Reiner, Kyle Chandler, Margot Robbie, Jon Bernthal, Cristin Milioti, P.J. Byrne and Ethan Suplee.

The Wolf of Wall Street is directed by Martin Scorsese and stars Leonardo Dicaprio, Jonah Hill, Matthew McConaughey,  Jon Bernthal, Jon Favreau, Kyle Chandler, Jean Dujardin, Rob Reiner and Spike Jonze. It hits theaters November 15.

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First Poster and a Leaked Teaser for Aronofsky's NOAH

Probably the most controversial film on the upcoming release slate is Darren Aronofsky‘s Noah. Famous for his bleak views into crumbling psyches, this isn’t gonna be the kiddy version of Noah and his animals zipadeedoda-ing on the merry sea. Since the beginning of the project, Aronofsky has said that his film will focus on survivor’s guilt and the birth of environmentalism. How much of an appearance God and Christianity will make is surely a toss up but don’t expect church groups to be rowing out in full force to see this (like they did with Mel Gibson‘s Jesus-as-torture-porn Passion of the Christ.)

Today we get two first looks at Noah with a first official poster and a bit of a leaked trailer (that will most likely be yanked by the time you read this). From this little peak, we can get a bit of a read on the tone of the film which does look to cross sandal-and-sword epics with the quiet psychological trauma of an Aronofsky film. The poster on the other hand conjures up the feeling of big 3D spectacle flicks like Clash of the Titans or the new 300: Rise of an Empire poster but I hardly expect the similarities to go much further than that.

I’m having trouble embedding the link here (these leaked ones are often ass-backwards) so instead I’m going to re-direct you over to So just follow this link over there to check it.

Noah is directed by Darren Aronofsky and stars Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Emma Watson, Logan Lerman, Anthony Hopkins, Ray Winstone, Kevin Durand, Douglas Booth and Dakota Goyo. It storms into theaters March 28, 2014.

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Angelina Jolie is Horny in Poster for MALEFICENT

A twist on Disney’s classic animated feature Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent revolves around the “Mistress of All Evil,” here played by Angelina Jolie. Much like “Wicked” took the perspective of the Wicked Witch of the West, Elphaba, Malficent sees the story through the eyes of the antagonist, revealing just how she did become so evil after all.

In storybook lore, jealous that she was not invited to her christening, Malficent cursed baby Aurora to prick her finger and die before she hit 16. Once called the “most menacing villain in Disney canon,” it’ll be interested to see how effective Disney is at humanizing a character that’s always been little more than a deep hue of evil. 

Visual effects guy Robert Stromberg will direct with John Lee Hancock (Saving Mr. Bank) apparently brought in to do some reshoots. A beautiful, pure-hearted young woman, Maleficent has an idyllic life growing up in a peaceable forest kingdom, until one day when an invading army threatens the harmony of the land. Maleficent rises to be the land’s fiercest protector, but she ultimately suffers a ruthless betrayal — an act that begins to turn her pure heart to stone. Bent on revenge, Maleficent faces an epic battle with the invading king’s successor and, as a result, places a curse upon his newborn infant Aurora (Elle Fanning). As the child grows, Maleficent realizes that Aurora holds the key to peace in the kingdom — and perhaps to Maleficent’s true happiness as well.

Maleficent is directed by Robert Stomberg and stars Angelina Jolie, Miranda Richardson, Imelda Staunton, Kenneth Cranham, Sam Riley, Sharlto Copley, Lesley Manville and Brenton Thwaites. It hits theaters on May 30, 2014.

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Playing up the epic element and riffing on monster movie posters, the cast of Anchorman: The Legend Continues takes over New York City in the macro. Towering above skyscrapers, stomping on cars, and lounging on buildings Ron Burgandy is joined by his faithful news crew as they trudge closer to their Christmas Day release.

“With the 70’s behind him, San Diego’s top rated newsman, Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), returns to the news desk in Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues. Also back for more are Ron’s co-anchor and wife, Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate), weather man Brick Tamland (Steve Carell), man on the street Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd) and sports guy Champ Kind (David Koechner) – All of whom won’t make it easy to stay classy…while taking the country’s first 24-hour news channel by storm.”

Paul Rudd as Brian Fantana

Steve Carrell as Brick Tamland

David Koechner as Champ Kind

Will Ferrell as Ron Burgandy

Anchorman: The Legend Continues is directed by Adam McKay and stars Will Ferrell, Steve Carrell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner, Kristen Wiig, Sacha Baron Cohen, Tina Fey, Greg Kinnear, Kayne West, James Marsden, Nicole Kidman, Harrison Ford, Liam Neeson, Amy Poehler, Jim Carrey. It hits theaters on December 20, 2013.

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When Paranormal Activity 5 couldn’t keep up the annual Halloween-release trend of the last four films in the franchise, the official Latin spin-off, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, looked to fill in the gap. However, that next film in the wildly popular franchise also won’t make a Halloween season release as it’s not hitting theaters until the dumping grounds known as January. Is the series losing steam already or are they trying to shake up the formula and having more trouble with it than expected? With a new poster and an old trailer to go off, see if this looks like anything new or just more of the found footage same.

While the film is endorsed by the makers of the PA, it will be a big move in a new direction as the film will feature an all Latino cast with only little crossover to the mainstay material. It will however feature young Katie and Kristi, played by the same actresses from Paranormal Activity 3. While the details are relatively slim at this point, the film is said to focus on a Catholic investigation of some, you guessed it, paranormal activity.

While this won’t be the first one-off of the series, it is the first official one. In 2010, an unofficial Japanese sequel, known as Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night, followed Haruka Yamano, who broke her legs in a car accident and has since started feeling the presence of ghosts. It’s later revealed  that the woman that Haruka mowed down and killed was Katie, of the original Paranormal Activity, killing her and thus transferring her ghostly follower onto himself. Obviously the film was marked as non-canon because Katie lives on after the events of the first film and continues to be most central character of the franchise.

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With just a few weeks left before Thor: The Dark World hits theaters, Marvel Studios is starting to “ramp” up marketing for their next big tentpole feature, Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Now that it’s no longer the 1940s and Cap has been transplanted to the day of skinny jeans and pea coats, his whole getup seems a little more ridiculous but, hey, it is a superhero movie after all. Following the events of The Avengers, The Winter Soldier features Chris Evans as Captain America settling in to a new era while working closely with S.H.I.E.L.D., the shadowy organization lead by Samuel L. Jackson‘s Nick Fury. Although Thor will probably get away with not addressing the continuity issues presented by the new Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. television show, the whole “Coulson lives” predicament is something that will surely need to be addressed in this next Marvel installment.

In this first sequel to Captain America, Sebastain Stan returns to play the main foil of the film – the titular Winter Soldier. You’ll remember that in the first installment, Stan played Buckie, Steve Roger’s best friend who presumably died falling off a train in the aftermath of a fight with Red Skull’s croonies. According to comic book lore, Buck survives the fall, is frozen in time (seems to be a trend with these 1940s guys) and is brainwashed and trained to become a supervillain.

Joining the cast, Anthony Mackie will add another super to the roster as The Falcon, a birdlike sidekick to Cap. Robert Redford also steps in as Alexander Pierce, a sleeper agent for S.H.I.E.L.D. Scarlett Johansson, Cobie Smoulders, Sam Jackson, Dominic Cooper, and Toby Jones all return. Look for the first trailer here in two days.

Captain America: The Winter Solider is directed by Anthony and Joe Russo and stars Chris Evans, Frank Grillo, Sebastian Stan, Scarlett Johansson, Anthony Mackie, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Redford, Cobie Smoulders, Emily VanCamp, Dominic Cooper, and Toby Jones. It hits theaters on April 4, 2014.

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First Poster for Wes Anderson's THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL


As an obsessive Wes Anderson fan, I relish in any piece of his inspired artwork, so while most posters don’t really get me excited, this one for The Grand Budapest Hotel does for all of its Wes Anderson-esque goodness. While I rather enjoyed his last film, Moonrise Kingdom, it was hardly one of my favorite of his and I’m excited to see Anderson return to the adult world. As always, he’s got a cast and crew to be oogled with season Anderson loyalites Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Willem Dafoe, Tilda Swinton, Edward Norton and Adrien Brody will join Ralph Fiennes, Harvey Keitel, Jude Law, Saoirse Ronan, Mathieu Amalric, Lea Seydoux, F. Murray Abraham, Tom Wilkinson, and newcomer Tony Revolori.

Although little is known about the film, the plot description per IMDB details:

“A famous hotel’s legendary concierge strikes up a friendship with a young employee who becomes his trusted protégé.”

For me, Anderson’s best films come from with exploring themes of wounded humanity. Films like Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, and The Darjeeling Limited are as deeply tragic as they are comedic and I’m hoping for something of the same from his latest without quite as much snarky childhood wist as his last two, The Fantastic Mr. Fox and Moonrise Kingdom.

With this first poster debut, we can hopefully expect a full synposis or trailer in the near future.

The Grand Budapest Hotel is directed by Wes Anderson and stars Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Willem Dafoe, Tilda Swinton, Edward Norton, Adrien Brody, Ralph Fiennes, Harvey Keitel, Jude Law, Saoirse Ronan, Mathieu Amalric, Lea Seydoux, F. Murray Abraham, Tom Wilkinson, and Tony Revolori. It will hit theaters sometime in 2014.

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